how do you know when someone is lying to you? and here is my take on lying in general.

photo by Anita Saini

brace yourself. this isn’t a simple post.

all humans lie at one point or many in their lifetimes. lying can keep people alive in dangerous situations. it can also create illness (I’m sure you know the very true quote, “we’re only as sick as our secrets”), chaos, and very bad karma — not just for the person lying, but for the person being lied to…

I’m going to talk more so about the importance of understanding when you are being lied to, so that you do not take on the karma of the person lying or of the lie itself. because believe me when I say this: WE BECOME WHO WE SPEND TIME WITH. WE BECOME WHO WE TALK TO. WE BECOME WHATEVER WE EXPOSE OURSELVES TO.

I’m a very forgiving person. too forgiving, at times. when I was younger I forgave and forgot the most unthinkable acts, mostly because my life had depended upon that sort of thing from the beginning. it depended upon seeing something that was actually “up”, and/but having to convince myself to see it as “down” to suit the reality of those around me. I had to deny the truth of others, constantly, in order to stay alive. however, combined with that training, was my true nature, and an altogether paradox. my true nature was truth. that is not true for everyone. picture a spectrum (consider sexuality, or something else as an analogy for a spectrum) containing truth on one end and the absolute absence of truth (lies) on the other end. EACH OF US fall somewhere. we also have conscious liars, and unconscious liars — I’ll get into that sort of variety/combination/archetypal understanding in a bit…

the other thing is, we think according to our true nature. we don’t know how not to, no matter how old, grey and seasoned we become. it’s something I discuss with my therapist — we both are constantly bewildered (and fascinated) by liars and lying. anyhow, my true nature is to tell the truth. no matter what. some may say that this is a shitty survival skill. I disagree. when we live in a level of truth that is so strong, it is like light being stronger than the dark: it can not be broken. no matter how many times WE may have been broken. in order to live this way, we must also be strong. being broken a lot as a young person can lend itself to strength, and for that I am grateful. so the point of explaining this component, our true nature, is to say that the way people think of others initially (as in “all people lie” or “people generally always tell the truth, why wouldn’t they?”) is how THEY would think. for example: I want the best for everyone. I rarely if ever experience jealousy. I think everyone can be a champion. I want everyone to be happy. and I automatically ASSUME (even whilst my conscious self knows otherwise when given a moment or reason to truly pause), as is my intrinsic programming (not my external programming), that everyone else is wired that way. that they have my best interest at heart. that they don’t lie about things I wouldn’t lie about. of course, due to life experience which deeply contrasted my intrinsic nature, I’ve learned to balance the two elements…as best I can. hence this post.

I had this close friend once. she was always looking to scam people, but like “above board” scamming, if you can even picture that. I guess if you work in high end corporate sales you can probably picture it. anyway, she always made comments about people scamming other people, and that it was “how the world worked”. since I was friends with her from a very young age, I sort of let those things go, but I was always surprised by her comments and curious about her nature. over a nearly 20-year period of time, she learned to adapt to MY nature, and lessened some of her outward spoken (negative) views on the world. I also began to hear odd things through the grapevine, from mutual friends, that she had said to them about me. before I say what those things were, I will preface it with this. I am a person who is very content being alone. even in my teens and twenties I spent multiple year-plus clips not dating or being physical with anyone. I just figured, the Universe had a plan, I honored myself, and therefore it would all work out. I never sold my soul or forced anything. my friend, on the other hand, had a penchant for taken men (and free shit in general). it excited her to “conquer” someone else’s relationship. instead of that working out for her, it repeatedly backfired. it was an addiction. she was an addict. by the way, in case you don’t know, someone can be an addict without a substance. there are ALL kinds of ways addiction can be substituted when someone doesn’t want to work on themselves. active addicts (and just for the record, I think we each have the propensity to be addicted to SOMETHING – I was quoted in this fashion in a 2009 documentary on addiction, to boot – so please know I am not creating some addiction hierarchy here because I am not) don’t prefer therapists or therapy in general, because that would require a mirror. and so despite the fact that the above friend of mine began living in daily emotional peril because of her choices, she refused therapy. instead, she did other things to “make herself feel better”. some people just can’t be honest with themselves. she was/is one of them. she chose to live her life as a total front. she did her true business behind the scenes. some of her behind the scenes business also included those odd things that she said about me to mutual friends — what did she say? she decided to say that *I* was the one who lived with certain romantic and sexual behaviors (hers, projected onto me). one day I was chatting with a mutual friend of ours and I was casually saying how I was yet again in another 1.5 year stretch with no dating and no intimacy, and she looked at me matter-of-factly and said “oh well X said that’s a total lie…”, and then she went on to elaborate. I thought, what an odd thing for this friend of mine, the addict, to say. she knew full well it wasn’t the truth, she “KNEW ME”, I thought. at the time, I actually let it go. for years, even. maybe part of myself didn’t want to admit that she would say such a thing (and such an ODD thing), and maybe I didn’t find it to be a big deal or thought it was a misunderstanding. but as the pieces added up over time (so many pieces), the lies that she told and lived behind the scenes, well after I ended the friendship, I could go back in time and watch it all like a movie. not only did she project her own lies onto me, in my energy field, but her lies were BECOMING part of my field…and my karma. I’ll get to that part in a bit.

it turned out that as the years went by this friend became obsessed not only with taken men, married men, and men who were pure addicts to substances, but she lied to her own husband — who she ended up with out of fear (in her world, things needed to look a certain way on the surface, and being married by a certain time was one of those important fronts). her front was nearly flawless, and it was so important to her always to live a life that looked perfect on the outside. isn’t it funny how those are almost ALWAYS the people we end up reading about in the news regarding heinous crimes? it’s often less so the perceivably eccentric — the ones who DARE to live in truth — who have much to hide. it’s the “basic” housewife or the “basic” husband who no one ever suspected would commit xyz crime or lie. it’s also called sociopathy. clearly there are varying degrees of sociopathy. we live amongst MANY socios and do not even know it. and regarding my friend, aside from lying about her personal life, there were many other lies that began to come to light around finances, work, and more. it was amazing to me that I had been friends with this person for so long (then again, so were other “healthy” friends of mine – this is where I point out that sometimes you “just don’t know”), but I saw her goodness (not the rest) — in part, because I was still in trauma during the earliest stage of the friendship.

you see, when we have to “look away” from what a caregiver is doing in order to keep on livingbecause we need food/water/shelter — we adopt that behavior as truth and a core need (the looking away – and always running into the same until we go to therapy ourselves to work through it). ironically, simultaneously, and paradoxically, we also adopt an extreme intuition that sees truth. the two notions — the looking away, and the over-developed intuition — begin to collide at some point in our life, typically around mid-to-late 20s; after working with thousands of people, and working deeply through my own experiences, that is my professional and personal understanding. it is also important to note that the ego behavior that kept us safe AND the over-developed intuition will only collide in a HEALTHY way if we are willing to do the work on ourselves. some folks do stay in trauma their entire lives. even when they have the internal and external resources. it’s a tragedy. it’s also a choice. I see it constantly. anyhow, I was willing to do the work so that my past and my future could collide, and I could truly see the forest for the trees and then-some; and free myself of all that wasn’t true. as my personal collision occurred in terms of ego and intuition, what I began to see was that I had lived in the not so wonderful land of Oz my ENTIRE life. I looked at the people around me, and more than half of them were addicts (liars) in varying degrees.

let me also clarify another aspect of what an “addict” is, and I will be tying all of this back into the main point of what lying really is and how it affects us. an addict, regardless of substances used or not used, is someone who relies on other people’s energy fields [side note: addiction=lying. lying =addiction. remember that. regardless of whether someone uses a substance or not]. it is too daunting to look at their own (truth), so they constantly wear that (the energy) of others (a lie in both tangible and intangible action). now, this can actually work out well when properly expressed — for example, some of the best actors of our time are addicts. they have worked the program or their own path and come through successfully. they have effectively blended their conscious and unconscious minds, and it takes daily work to keep that in tact. I wrote a whole eBooklet about it 4 years ago. we have also seen examples of extremely talented actors who do not seem to “know” when they are lying, and a number of them have made headlines. this is a result of the conscious and unconscious minds staying forever separate, which IS a choice resulting from integrity or lack thereof — I’ll get to that later, how that blend or separation of conscious and unconscious works, REGARDLESS of trauma. when not dealt with properly, addicted addicts wear the actual ENERGY FIELD (you can feel and experience this on a physical level in your life) of their friends; they wear strangers’ energy (think of people who are celebrity culture obsessed — my friend by the way, was certainly one of those people), they wear their spouse’s energy, their kid’s energy (especially popular), and anyone’s field except for their own. it literally pains them to give to others.

as one example: an intrinsic and active addict (someone with no self) will get all of their “energy” from social media. before there was social media, there were of course other unhealthy things to “derive” energy from. someone who is not an intrinsic and active addict will actually feel DRAINED by social media — I am one of those people. on the other hand, an intrinsic and active addict would feel like they were dying if they were sent to a remote location with no wifi or gadget or person to distract them. it would be their worst fear to be away from people and things. because they would have to hear themselves think. and the thoughts would all be lies. they need to either put those lies somewhere, or to cover them (hide them) with someone else’s energy. someone who operates from their own core of truth would love nothing more than to spend alone time — to hear their own thoughts. I RELISH being alone, in the middle of nowhere, with no distractions. my closest friends feel the same way. I don’t use social media other than to have my business on the map, and I can’t imagine getting involved in people’s lives all day in that way. it feels like the ultimate torture. that’s because I don’t need to wear other energies: I’ve always had my own. I suppose I am “lucky” in that way; but I’ve also done and continue to do “the work”. there are different ways that addicts (again, this can mean any kind of addict) get their energy, and there is one main spore factor at the root of it: they lie to themselves. all day. so their (always temporary, and always borrowed or stolen by the way) “energy” may come from affairs; it may come from actual substances; or it may come from other addictions like molesting, pedophilia, sex, killing, or xyz other behavior. but at the end of the day, all such behaviors are designed to keep the addict from one thing: their truth.

there was a point in time for me during which I did not want to hear the truth about my life, and about what had happened in it. I was young, and I was in search of the truth, but not consciously so. my soul was aching for the truth about my early life — tapping HARD on my unconscious mind — since nothing around me was real or honest. when I started socializing more around age 15, I drank heavily. not frequently. but when I drank, it was as if I was “looking” for something. it was as if I would somehow “discover” something through that substance. I was never an alcoholic, but I came from an alcoholic (in EVERY way – not only including the substances) family. I tried to make myself an alcoholic through “diagnosis” (the thinking was, if I can fix myself, I can fix everyone around me) by going to 12-step meetings at AA. I discovered quickly that I was in fact not alcoholic in terms of the substance, and I was instead an ALANON person. I never felt compelled to drink, and if I was sad it would be the last thing I would do. that said, there was a paradox…my conscious mind was so programmed with deceit, that my unconscious mind wanted to uncover what that deceit was…therein my attracting a few friends and even a few partners who were either addicts, and/or definite liars. liars to themselves and liars to others. both consciously and unconsciously, which I will address later. so for me, going to a nightclub in some costume as some character from God-knows-where, was a journey for me in which “maybe” I would discover something — because in the land of uninhibited glory, and with the help of a drink or ten, my conscious and unconscious minds got closer and closer to meeting. I never touched a drug besides marijuana in my life. I never felt like I needed it – I felt wild and imaginative enough already. I also didn’t ever want to be out of control, I didn’t want that shit/chemicals in my body, and I certainly didn’t want to bypass my own spiritual path. at least I knew that. but when I would set out for a night on the town, it was like I was trying to DISCOVER something…each night I set out, from my late teens (I was always underage at bars and nightclubs) into my early 20s, my unconscious screamed at me to discover the “truth” through my fun adventures out. I also often went out ALONE — without friends. I enjoyed this to no end. I know that sounds odd. that said, I was unconsciously trying to become conscious through my own personal design of fun and “therapy” (music, dancing, alcohol). except I didn’t know WHAT I was looking for. I had never had a proper therapist, and almost everyone I could call an authority figure seemed to be neck deep in the lies that smothered me throughout my entire early life. my personal therapy formula of fun stopped working after a time, because I was tired of getting angry or sad at the end of a late night, or waking up hungover after said adventure. I said and did things I regretted during these years of my life (which is what ultimately provoked me to question whether I had a problem with alcohol). somehow, I have never had an issue with chemical addiction. I would call myself lucky, but all challenges are relative. I do consider myself extremely lucky, though, that I have never had an addiction to any “thing”. somehow the Universe was also always with me, because I never crossed the line of selling my soul like sleeping around for “comfort” or attention. but I acted like an asshole some of the time, and I had reached a point around 25/26 when I decided “this isn’t for me”. I never had to quit drinking, because the problem for me was not the substance — it was the unconscious truth that was crying out to be seen. to this day, after I decided “this isn’t for me, living this way”, I left my own fantasyland of music and nightlife the way it had been for me, and I decided to get serious and real about my life. this is when my friendships and relationships began to change. it is when I sought out therapy more seriously. it is when I also found that yes, I could go to dinner and have one glass of wine. or forget about drinking without even realizing it. I wasn’t addicted. so, what was I then? my heart and soul were searching for an alternate route to truth.

I’ll say it again: addiction is synonymous with lying. where you have a liar, you also have an addict (to SOME thing), and vice versa. and so it can all become very insidious, because there are tons of high-functioning liars out there. my friend was one of them. I was surrounded by them in my youth, projected upon daily, to the point in which I could not consciously know my own truth. and so I believed about mySELF what I saw in others: the opposite of what narcissists and socios do (they project onto YOU — I was taking the defects of others and making them MINE, in order to survive — a habit that continued for years). yes, it was the ultimate gaslighting experience. but beyond that, it was my true nature that was conflicting with my ability to see clearly — as in, I still didn’t believe that people could lie, just for the sake of it. now, had I lied? sure. many times about many things…except it was never just for the sake of it. it was either to save myself from actual physical or perceived imminent danger, or it was to impress someone when I was 15 about a crush. those kinds of lies. the kind you grow out of as an adult and don’t repeat again. to this day, I actually go through the list of lies I’ve told and analyze them, ask God for forgiveness and try to repent…because I was so AWARE of them when I told them. this is part of why I will discuss conscious lying and unconscious lying…the difference, the importance, the origin, and the combination of the two territories.

before I get into conscious versus unconscious lying in greater detail, I want to talk about how other people’s lies affect us. what happens when we are lied to, and it happens if 1) we believe the lie 2) we turn our head and pretend it’s not happening, and also if 3) we acknowledge it but keep forgiving and forgetting, is WE, TOO, BECOME THE KARMA OF THAT LIE. I’m not kidding. our energy field is AGREEING, on some level, to partake in this person’s lifestyle and lies. just as it agrees to anything that we put our time and attention toward. this is the danger of having habitual liars around you, or going against your own personal compass. watch what happens when you cut any liar, or several liars from your field (and I’ll go through examples of what that might actually look like so that the concept is not so broad) — your life will change. immediately. liars LOVE to surround themselves with good people. they seem to hide in them like the deep sea. what happens when one is a classic, addicted liar, is that they WEAR other energies to veil their lies. energy moves in and out of each of our personal fields – and we each have a sovereign, personal energy. and unless we can “see” it or measure it, we don’t know always what’s happening to it and/or why (this is why I write about things I can not find information on online). it’s why predators molest and get away with it for years: it’s not about the sexual aspect, it is about STEALING other people’s energy and wearing it to keep walking along unnoticed. by the way, check out Scott Peck’s book People Of The Lie — it just occurred to me to say that. also, another sidenote; a complete liar/socio that I dated at 25 borrowed that book from me…I will go into his nature later here as one of my examples of types of liars and how to spot them, but it never ceases to amaze me that he was actually that interested in his own makeup. in addition, check out the 20/20 ABC special that just aired about a “perfect” psychopathic father who was a fake doctor and lawyer and murdered his wife and other people as well. it will show you how “normal” people can appear on the surface, but how eventually their ball of yarn totally unravels when there isn’t enough light (people) left for them to hide behind.

of course there are varying degrees of liars. and it is up to each of us as to what and how much we are willing to accept, given this truth versus lies spectrum and mosaic of reality. I’ve reached a point in which I’m not able to accept much, but I’m also not stupid; I recognize how rare it is to find a pure breed, and so I have to balance my life accordingly and understand that I can’t make things black and white. if someone has/had streaks of dark energy within them, but they are actively working on themselves and the exchange between them and myself is balanced, I will keep it and at an arm’s length for specific reasons — because I have to actually function in society. as another example, I’ve had friends who have done things that are not above board for me, and I’ve told them that their behaviors do not match what I want in my life. because their shit karma WILL show up in my life if things stay the same (i.e. they keep making the same bad decisions, all the while hiding in my energy field, using me as a shield, so that they don’t need to do the work to solve the actual problem). I’ve given such friends who have indeed crossed my path ample notice and TIME to sort through their issues, which conflict with my own moral compass or personal integrity. I won’t throw anyone out overnight, and I certainly won’t judge – yet I will ultimately discern. I have discovered in some cases that  it was more important to certain people to keep doing what they were doing (fill in the blank here with the word addiction), but instead lie to me about it so that they could keep me in their life. this creates total energetic imbalance and disharmony. and the thing is, I live a certain way — and when something doesn’t line up with that, I will find out. whether I am looking to find out or not. and a person is often so “surprised” if/when I have left the building – or rather taken my energy back, which was going into the black hole of their lie/karma. it is as if I wasn’t completely upfront about what does and does not work for me. I was upfront. I am always upfront. here are a few clues/things that happen for ME, when I am “friends” or in contact with someone who is lying about something I consider to be a personal non-negotiable…

the first thing that will happen is my sinuses will become clogged. this is my third eye being blocked. I am being blocked from seeing something. it doesn’t have to turn into a full sinus infection, but I will notice that my eyes or ears/nose/throat are being affected. this has gone on for weeks or months, in some instances. the next thing that will happen — and this is a LOUD one for me — is my sleep will be totally disturbed. I won’t know why. there will be, on the surface, nothing “wrong” in my life. I will be mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically in great shape, yet my sleep will be disturbed. in addition, I will have very symbolic dreams. this will all become uncomfortable, because there is something deep inside of me (just like in my late teens and early 20s party days) that doesn’t want to have to see the truth of and part ways with yet another liar. but for me, it gets to the point in which my health suffers because the Universe does not want that person in my life, as they are, any longer. it wants me to learn and gain from the lesson and move forward. and in every one of these cases, I have been unconditional, non-judgemental, and extremely understanding – literally to the point in which someone can tell me about anything and I won’t judge – but if that person has decided to “pretend fix” their bad deeds so that they can stay in my life and hide in my light, it is a WRAP. this doesn’t work, by the way, for anyone — keeping an active liar in their life on a close or interpersonal level. and so then, after I get enough “clues” as described above (sinuses, dreams, etc), seemingly “random” and synchronistic evidence falls into my lap that proves yes, indeed, this person is lying to me. not just to themselves, and to others, but to me — the person who was totally unconditional to them (which perhaps was a test of their own fate). it is at this point in such a dynamic that I realize and SEE the damage done/being done to my field, and how I have actually begun to take on their KARMA…

when we lie, consciously or unconsciously, to ourselves or others, we create something called STAGNATION. when my life begins to stagnate, out of nowhere, I know something is wrong. because I work on myself around the clock to live the best (inner) life possible. some days I struggle to go to a certain place because of an old, untrue scary belief that I believe about myself, such as that I am not good enough (you might be surprised about what actually scares me). I might work on that belief for days, weeks, months or years, and I count such work in the context of explaining exactly “how” I “work on myself”: each time my life stagnates, I go within, first, of course. I ramp up therapy (no, this does not include “psychic readings” – please spare yourself as well), I try to improve myself in all kinds of ways, I meditate and work out more, etc. I make a list of my thoughts, feelings, words and actions to see whether they align or not (my personal definition of alignment by the way). and it is with great sadness, almost every time after all of this personal work, that I find I have invited in a lie (the carrier pigeon being a person in my life who is not being honest with me/and/or themselves). now again, I’m not judging the lie itself or why it occurred, but I will list the non-negotiables for me that actually end up stagnating me when I am in a close relationship with someone committed to living said lies: 1) extramarital affairs. sorry, but if that is your jam, work through it alone. I don’t want that energy in my life. it’s never been my jam, and I’m not here to judge you either, but if this is what excites you and you pretend after a period of time you are no longer doing it JUST so that you can stay in my life, and especially after I have heard you out with compassion, you are mistaken. 2) secretiveness (you can always find lies within a secretive person, because it suggests hidden agenda). I am as open as they come. here in my blog, but also and ESPECIALLY in my friendships. if I am *always* the one doing the sharing, and you have little or nothing to share back, you are being secretive. this is not a balanced friendship and I am exhausting my energy into a black hole of something I can not see. 3) withholding information. if you are withholding information from me, you are lying to me. it means you don’t trust others because you yourself can not be trusted. and that may work for you in other friendships, and again I won’t judge it, it’s just that it’s not what I do and I expect/need the same in return in order to have balance in my life. again, truly no judgment: to each their own. I’m just saying what doesn’t work for ME. and it’s amazing to me how often people who withhold information (again — ask yourself WHY someone does this) want to stay in my life without returning the energetic exchange that I would otherwise offer. I’m not interested in wallflower relationships — I prefer a person. also, I will note: where there is fog and confusion, there is deceit…always.

speaking of deceit. the guy I spoke of earlier who I dated at 25 was not a substance addict. he was, rather, addicted to things and people. and definitely to lying. he was a Scott Peterson type. the kind everyone thought was the nicest guy in town. I found myself dating him around the same time I moved back to my home town, back to the meridian line territory in which nothing was ever true and so I had to literally develop a second language of intuition to know the truth. it was also this age (25), as I referenced above, that I began to see the forest for the trees. it’s the age that our brain stops developing, and the unconscious and conscious pieces meet, IF we operate from integrity (more on that shortly, I promise – I think it’s [INTEGRITY] a key component in understanding what drives different types of liars and lying itself). this guy was one for the books. he believed his lies. if I saw him on the news now for killing someone, I would not be surprised. what you have to understand about liars and addicts is that they are everywhere, and in every shape, form and degree. I am trying to give some of you good and honest-natured people some clues here, if this resonates, to rethink certain relationships in your life. even if the people are not serial killers. even if they are nice, kind, well-meaning people — often that is NOT enough. I’ll go back into explaining more of why (how we will actually wear that karma), in a bit. so long story short about this guy, he put my life on hold. I told him upfront that if he ever wanted to see other people to please let me know. he agreed as if it was no issue, like he was the most monogamous person on the planet. then the addict stuff started to surface. confusion. not returning my calls for a day or two after we had been speaking and seeing each other every day. explaining long absences with odd excuses. it was what I was SO accustomed to, lying-wise, growing up, so part of me didn’t question it. but the bubbling intuition that I was trying so hard to exercise from within my core all those nights of partying in my youth wanted to be heard. things didn’t sit right, and for the very first time in my life, I began to get extremely ANGRY — and with him. this is another key point/clue: when you are angry with someone, and you don’t know why, because they appear SO NICE, you are likely dealing with a LIAR/addict. this guy was a classic case. well, as is often the case with me, I “happened” upon the truth. I wasn’t sleeping well, my sinuses were bothering me, and I found it difficult to be present-tense. I “knew”, without knowing what, that something was off, but he made me feel crazy. he went to absurd lengths to gaslight me, when it would have been so much easier for both of us to just say the truth. but he was a socio, and socios get off on lying and having people believe those lies. I came into evidence in the most bizarre way, that this guy had like 5 other girlfriends. he was a sex addict, and he was never alone. that, of course, was the end of that. he had never been caught before. and I doubt he got caught again, because he was such a skilled liar — but I’m certain he never changed. he moved out west and married some girl shortly thereafter, and continued his ways. I learned from him, how incredibly skilled some people are at lying to get what they want. my life stagnated the entire time I dated him, which thankfully lasted only 9 months. most important to me to realize, was that/HOW I was bringing in HIS karma to MY life. simply by dating him, I was actually participating in his lies because I unconsciously could not or did not want to see the truth (having been forced to survive upon lie after lie as a child), even though I fought and tried with all of my might to see it. when he was cut out of my life, it BEGAN. literally.

by cutting this socio type out at 25, I began to resolve the karma that I had been absorbing…which had resulted in extreme stagnation for me. stagnationdifferent than the type that I wrote about in this post — is often the byproduct of absorbing SOMEONE ELSE’S KARMA. other byproducts include waning inspiration, fatigue, anxiety or depression that does not feel like your own (or has no true source — after you have taken full inventory of your life in every way possible), and overall fog — all of which bleed into stagnation. now, one might ask, “how could God or the Universe be so cruel?”…to which I say, it is not cruel…it is honest. if we are HONEST with ourselves, and that includes uncovering truth in ALL areas of our life, we dissolve our own karma and do not take on that of others. sometimes God/the Universe is testing our intuition, so that we may leave behind cancerous people and situations in order to move to where we are SUPPOSED to be (for more on that, feel free to read my multiple posts on rejection). we can’t combine two opposing forces in our life and land where we are supposed to be. so, if we are stagnated, it is always because we are lying to our self on some level. this includes, but is not limited to, taking on someone else’s karma by somehow “participating” in their lies. it’s all one big, fascinating picture. I know “talented” people who will never make it: because they lie to themselves. they have liars all around them. they are confused on both conscious and unconscious levels. their karma in this lifetime is screwed until they get clean. until they are no longer addicted.

the friend I spoke of at the beginning of this post — well, there was a similar byproduct from the ending of that relationship as there was from the ex-boyfriend example I shared. once I cut her out: my life BEGAN — in very new ways. it is unmistakable how much it “began”. and, being away from this particular chronic liar and addict, I began to see and learn of even more lies she told. my life catapulted once again, thanks to her absence, as I had been creating karma for myself/absorbing her karma by giving to that relationship on any level. to this day, what is most interesting to me is that I feel no anger or hate toward her. in fact, I actually never have…with her. I also don’t end relationships when I feel angry — it’s the worst time to end them…as they will only repeat, but with new people. I end a relationship once something inside of me has officially been “broken”, and when I have a comprehensive view and understanding of the entire picture/relationship. I do feel anger and hate at times toward others who have violated me and taken from me, and who I needed to actually run from, but not her. and believe me when I tell you, aside from making up lies about me that were really about herself, she chased nearly every man who came my way — and secretly dated my ex behind my back but also right in front of my face, claiming they were “just friends”. she is the one person I just don’t feel emotional about. it’s weird. I think that I consider her a gift from the Universe, a closed chapter, perhaps, in terms of understanding more clearly and over such a long period of time how addiction/psychopathy functions.

everything that we agree to — whether consciously or unconsciously — we become (at least for a period of time). this means, if we have friends, employees or associates who lie (and again, it’s up to each of us to determine what level of lying we will allow, since it IS human nature to lie) — we become their karma. I knew someone in the “healing” community who lies. all of the time. they wear other people’s energy for a living. when I left their life, the same thing happened as in the above cases: my life “began”. I was completely unconscious as to their lies, and I was therefore participating in them on that level. my entire life upleveled again when I disconnected from this person. and I had to remind myself yet again: people can hide. look at the facts. what are the facts in determining whether someone is a liar, aside from the intuitive clues I have listed? the facts can be: *how does someone actually spend their time? *what are their interests? *do they enjoy gossip and control fantasy? *are they EVER alone (regardless of having a family or not)? *are they ALWAYS online? *are they ALWAYS occupied? *do they EVER share intimate details of their lives, or do they only want to hear yours/others’? if they can’t trust you, you can’t trust them. ask yourself each of the above questions, and find definitive answers to each. start piecing together who someone actually is. then, like the examples I gave of my own intuitive “clues” I receive, find out what yours are. there may not be any like the ones I listed, which is fine — I have a lot of great friends who do not consider themselves intuitive or have physical symptoms like mine. BUT, they have their own. find out what yours are. you have them.

when we become truly conscious of something, we are given the absolute responsibility to take action around it. however when we are still unconscious (in trauma, suffering) about a particular person or situation, the Universe is less harsh…we may have issues sleeping etc, or our life may stagnate a bit, as I noted before, to wake us up…but we all know what it means to become fully aware/CONSCIOUS of another person’s truth (or lack thereof) either because we discovered it concretely or because they shared it with us (often expecting us to be “unconditional” or lying to us about it to keep us around). after this consciousness appears, it is our greatest responsibility to determine whether/how we continue placing our energy in that person/situation or not. there are different rules of relativity according to our OWN INTERNAL MORAL COMPASS. what is right for me may not be right for someone else and vice versa — and this is why I never judge. I just know what is right for me, and I say it. sometimes it lines up with the other person who says “you know, you’re right, this doesn’t work for me either…I’ll be honest about this with myself and with you”. but when someone is an addict, you will never get the full story…and they will find ways to get you to question your own reality and why you disconnected from them in the first place (aka “leaving Oz”).

to be brief and hopefully concise (this is not an easy one) about conscious versus unconscious lying: we are all born CONSCIOUS beings. consciousness is not something that is gained, or learned, but rather something that is present at birth. but it can wane. what happens after birth moves that consciousness, or rather TRUTH, into other parts of the mind in order to survive. this is a combo of BOTH internal and external factors. external: if we have a healthy home environment, we have a better chance at living consciously. if we don’t have a healthy home life, it can be harder and take longer to become conscious because we are surviving on terrible but life-affirming modes. internal (THE MOST IMPORTANT): but also if we have a healthy home environment, there is something that comes from someone’s intrinsic core (on the spectrum of light and dark — and any person can fall anywhere on that spectrum, we are NOT all equal energetically) that DECIDES to evade consciousness. this, is actually a conscious choice! and it is in the realm of said conscious decision-making that we may discover who is “light”, and who is “dark”. not an easy one. this choice, I feel, happens in an instant, and is reflective/comes from someone’s TRUE NATURE (NOT CIRCUMSTANCES). consciousness and unconsciousness become ONE, in the dark for some people. they actually choose a side. because in a way, it has already been chosen for them (this is a whole other, complicated subject reserved for another post). therein lies the theory of light versus dark. for example if we do not have a healthy home environment, or let’s even say it was torturous, there can also be something that comes from someone’s intrinsic (light) core that DECIDES to PURSUE consciousness (versus evade it and work in the dark). take the notion of the external and the internal, and mix and match them in different ways and to varying degrees…we are not only our experiences. we are more so, what we were born to be…and in this way, ultimately in life, we experience WHAT WE ARE, not WHERE WE CAME FROM…

lying is in place because we refuse to connect to our core, be alone, and be honest with ourselves and the world on the deepest of levels. usually, in its greatest contrast, this rectifies itself in young adulthood. when it doesn’t (and given what I shared in the above paragraph), lying can become like air to breathe for a person. we also, in effect, become either 1 of 3 things: 1) consciously AND unconsciously dishonest (aka sociopathic, psychopathic, incredibly addicted) 2) consciously honest and unconsciously dishonest (this can be remedied via therapy etc) 3) consciously AND unconsciously honest (the ultimate goal and sometimes success story of a person who comes from light, not dark).

we first attract what we have experienced in life, and THEN we attract what we ARE. if someone is an inherent/intrinsic liar/addict from the onset (day one), typically their life isn’t too terrible early on. they learn how to manipulate people around them, and are rarely subject to being lied to themselves because they are the puppeteers. and yes, people can be made this way absolutely despite a good or not so good family. it’s called contrast, energetic contrast, and we are each created differently energetically to learn and grow from this contrast. this notion is tied to human evolution and the oh so trendy “ego death” that so many people are rambling about because they read about it somewhere one time, not actually understanding what they are saying. do not assume everyone comes from good, because they do not. people who have gotten away with murder (either literally or metaphorically) their entire lives often end up meeting their makers around mid to later life, because the lies can not sustain: in other words, there is no longer enough truth aka other people’s energy to wear. and as our planet evolves and those of us who come from light become more conscious, more lying and deceit is revealed. those of us who come from light often find that our lives become easier as we get OLDER, versus when we were younger.

it is important to remember that just like someone can walk into your house, take your clothes and wear them and walk out, that people do this on a daily basis by lying and engaging with your energy field. when we recognize and pull away from those dynamics, people who come from the spore of a lie begin to unravel. it may take a while or it may be immediate, but they almost always become revealed. what I see and have written about is that it (karma) is now very often immediate. see my eBooklet 4 for more on that. just because we can’t “see” it, doesn’t mean it isn’t there. that is a quote that is part of my TEM® program description, and it’s true. I’ve learned the hard way. but I am grateful for it. it’s given me a strength to see that which is not part of my core: lack of truth. that, combined with my early life, was once a recipe for disaster. now, it is a recipe for success.

cutting out anything that does not resonate with truth, and I don’t care how small it is, will totally change your life. be careful who you give your energy to, on what level, and most importantly WHY; if we have learned anything from sociopaths it is that they can be the father of the year, the beautiful PTA mom, the lead homicide detective, and so on. in order to understand what truly lies beneath, we need to know our SELF, our own CUES that someone is lying to us (as I described mine here), and we need to decide on what level we are willing to engage with someone who lives in any kind of lie. in my personal life, I always give someone a heads-up before they are moved to the side. and it astounds me that nearly each time I have moved someone to the side, they have acted as though they have “no idea” why. this is the hallmark of a sociopathic or unconscious person: their particular commitment to either truth or to deceit.

we learn as we go. I hope this sheds some light, from my personal experiences, toward what may resonate for those of you interested in cutting necessary ties and moving forward in life. it is from great truth and sincerity that I will say it again: we get what we focus on. it literally shows up in our life. who and what and how, exactly, are you focused on? you may be surprised as to what that is bringing into your life.