why pedophiles molest, the recent headline news of such, and my own experience

photo by Pia Oyarzun for Forbes Magazine

while much of what I write about IS in fact heavy, or could be considered to be heavy by some, I avoid sensationalized topics/events/politics for a whole variety of reasons. that said, when I feel pulled from my core (not my mind) to write on something that comes close to what may serve as to some peace of mind for others, I write it. for example, I have a post about Hollywood that I wrote pre-HW (I don’t even like to write out their names) explosion, and right now that post is private. I am working on monetizing certain posts, because I give away SO much in my blog and certain posts should simply be monetized.

this morning, after meditating and gaging the so-called energy of the day, I opened my twitter account (I really avoid the news, in general, for the very good reason that I do not want it setting the tone for my day and a lot of it is pure garbage anyhow). the first thing I noticed was the interview and energy of one young woman named Jennifer. and for starters before I go into that, while I find particular movements to be valuable, I am also acutely aware of the fact that there are many people who take advantage of them. by lying. for MANY different reasons, too. blanket statements and movements are difficult in this way, and I prefer to look at EVERYTHING and everyone in life on a case by case basis. a person is different than a concept or an idea. they are an individual, made like no one else on this planet. it is important to see every person, and every situation, as totally unique. so when I saw Jennifer speaking to a news correspondent about her ordeal with JE (again, not interested in giving the vibration of this person’s name a platform here, but if you do watch the news and even if you do not, you can google it), I could almost feel the entire sequence of events that she went through. I don’t always feel that way, because there have been too many other people who LIE. on national television. to the world. because they are shameless and politically-driven. sometimes bought and paid for. obviously. anyway…

in watching and hearing Jennifer talk, and understanding the culmination of the events she became part of and how she walked away and when and why, I felt the absolute raging truth around her. and I felt her innocence loudly. perhaps there are others I haven’t seen or heard who resonate the same way, but for whatever reason, she reminded me of someone and something today that I thought I should share.

I will preface this by saying that I am definitely not a victim consciousness person. I have been through a lot in my life, as a so-called “victim”, but I don’t identify with that word or feel like one. I make it my mission to look at the facts, deal with them, and move forward, instead of building a whole identity and personality around them because I have nothing else to offer. a lot of people enjoy the traumas of their past, for whatever reason. they just do. look around. and so I preface what I am about to share with those sentiments, and the fact that no, I do NOT believe every victim. and because it’s not my schtick to write about certain things just because a movement is in place or trending. and yes, I do also feel that we have become a culture that has made victimhood cool. it’s not. that is another subject and one I’m not even interested in explaining. I also do not believe in blaming or blanketing genders. that said, as someone who is very pragmatic about injustice versus overly emotional or irrational about it, I am going to share a couple of excerpts from my life and experience that do shed light on things that happen frequently and are currently (and thank God, finally, justice) all over the news.

I will start with some small details from my own background. and before I do, I will say this: whatever we are exposed to from age day one forward, sets the tone for what is “normal” to us. if we are exposed to highly inappropriate things but it’s the norm in our home or environment, we never know they are inappropriate (or illegal, or whatever). when we step out into the world we (consciously or unconsciously) seek those things, and those things seek us. it’s just amazing. every week in therapy I uncover brand new fuckery that I thought was completely normal. the look on my therapist’s face and the look on my former therapist’s face is/was one of appall. surprise, even. that says a lot to me considering these are some of NYC’s finest therapists. the word “evil” has been shared with me, while I have sat in confusion about why that word would be used until I later processed it all.

relative to the news that I saw today, I thought about a whole host of things that came up for me in therapy these last few years. while I do share about the “normal” physical abuse I suffered chronically, I have never touched upon anything sexual. perhaps that says it all. but also, despite sharing a ton and being as open as I am, some things I will never share. I understand that I am allowing many people into part of my life, and I feel not only completely strong enough and equipped to do it, but I also get that some things will be reserved for only me to dissect. that said, small details from my own background…privacy was nonexistent. sexuality was in my face. from the youngest age until nearly a teenager, I was observed in the bathtub, changing, and it was even requested at one point that my genitals be observed (as a young teenager). I often heard my “caretakers” having loud sex, dozens of times, and it would wake me up in the middle of the night because all of the doors to each room would be open. one time on vacation I woke up to them in the next bed as me, having sex. when I was 15, all of my phone calls were recorded because I was talking on the phone with boys. I was lied to and told that it was for another reason. basically, the person recording the calls got caught by another individual in the home and it became one of many world war 3s. I was surveilled like nobody’s business. I can not even IMAGINE what it would have been like had I grown up with the technology that exists today. my privacy was never my own. my room was always entered, my diaries were read, and I was spied upon in my own room. there are some details that embarrass and disturb me far too much to write about, so I will leave it there. but there was NOTHING normal about the sexual undertones and overtones of my early life. somehow, by the grace of God???, each and every one of my boyfriends and partners completely respected me. except, of course, for my very first sexual experience. it wasn’t intercourse, but I was forced to perform oral sex on someone when I was a young teenager. I had only so much as kissed another person before that. I had no idea what was about to take place. he was not my boyfriend. it was the first time I was alone in a car with a young man. we went to go get ice cream, and then he drove me to a deserted park. he was cool, older, super hot, and I felt important hanging out with him that one day. it was the first and last time we hung out. while talking at the park, and me thinking we were just getting to know each other, he completely absorbed me with his hands. it came out of nowhere. I was confused, in pain, and wondered if it was normal. uncomfortable, I asked to leave. when we got into his car, which was parked in a deserted lot next to the park, I thought we were leaving. instead, he pulled out his stick and grabbed the back of my head. I do not remember how I felt at the time, other than, pure confusion and that I had no way to leave this situation. I had no idea what I was doing, either. each time I pulled my head away, he forced it back down. I don’t remember much else, not even how much time had passed. I don’t remember the drive home, other than the fact that I must have been totally mute and that I was dropped off right after. I remember thinking, “maybe this is normal?”, and I totally let it go. it never felt like “rape”, and I had no context for that anyhow. to this day, I don’t even think it damaged me, which I know sounds weird. but, what I do know it was, was a boundary cross. and when I consider my childhood, and how nothing ever belonged to me anyhow, including my body, I suppose my confusion made perfect sense and what was otherwise violating wouldn’t have entirely felt that way at the time.

fast forward to my first boyfriend, and partners after him, and I couldn’t have asked for more respectful partners. I just never walked into that sort of situation again. in any capacity. and, as far as I can remember. what I DID walk with, however, and it doesn’t have to just be sexual in this context, was the fact that I belonged to other people. my early life and the people in it did a GREAT job at invading me in so many different ways, and so I always feared being completely consumed by other people. I never had an example of someone with any sort of a boundary. even boyfriends I had seemed to own part of my energy or I didn’t know how to not give away parts of my energy that should only be reserved for me (read my other posts for more on that). this pattern unconsciously attracted me toward crazy people and situations. and this morning when I woke up and saw the news about this young woman Jennifer, I was reminded of one of many crazy people and situations that I had buried over 10 years ago.

in 2007, I had a short stint at an “upscale” (because honestly, what does that even REALLY mean anymore?) french restaurant on the upper east side — just blocks from the mansion of JE. I bartended and did coat check there for cash at night while I worked as a stand-in for 3 of the lead actresses on Gossip Girl during the day. I had left corporate in 2006, made an outline of ALL of my big dreams (healing, writing, acting, producing, and more) and I would meditate on them while at work. when I was working the coat check at this fancy place (which apparently attracted tons of Johns and young girls – honestly I was so enveloped in envisioning my own future that I didn’t even pay attention), I would sit with my books and highlight the parts that I wanted to embed into my soul. one of the books was, of course, The Secret, and other material like that. I was full-throttle into manifesting my own reality. I lived with someone at the time, a couple of years younger than me, and he worked in music. the restaurant job was interesting to me because I got to meet some interesting people and I even bartended Spike Lee’s birthday party. one night when I was alternating with a coat check shift, a very old man came in. when I say very old, he was like half-dead. he was mid-80s. I’m not saying that mid-80s is always half-dead, either. I am just saying that he in particular seemed half dead to me. his hands shook and he wasn’t spry. when this man left, he handed me a couple hundred in cash. I thought “wow, what a nice old man!”. he said to me that he would love to meet for coffee or lunch if I ever had free time from work, and that I reminded him of his wife who had died. I thought “awwww, how sweet”. I went home and told my then-boyfriend, who didn’t think much about it. he didn’t think much about anything, in fact. he said I should hang out with the old man if he was going to keep giving me cash. I didn’t like that, but I also knew how money-focused my then-boyfriend was so I just chalked it up to that. the old man emailed me after I gave him my email the next time he came into the restaurant, and he asked to meet me late day for lunch or tea. the feeling that I had at the time about meeting him was nostalgic; when I lived in Miami years prior, I made friends with a VERY nice old man named Novel. he was a class act. he owned a hotel, and he would invite me to his room to play cards and have coffee. Novel was Cuban and he had immigrated to Miami illegally during a really interesting time. Novel was protective over me, because he met me when my life was falling apart and he even met one of my crazy “caretakers”. he was actually the first adult, in my adult life, to EVER tell me to my face: “that person is mentally ill. do you hear me??”. I couldn’t hear him. I was still stuck in OZ. at any rate, Novel meant a lot to me. it was like having a parent or caretaker who loved me. Novel never looked at me funny. he would give me dating advice and ask about my Cuban boyfriend at the time. Novel died around the time I met the old man at the restaurant. so, remembering how much fun it was to talk with Novel and get life advice and hear about his life and family, I agreed to meet the old man. I went to his residence, which happened to be at a very fancy hotel — on the upper east side, right where so much SHIT seems to go down. when I walked into the lobby, the staff greeted me with extra special attitudes. it was right then and there that my first “gut” feeling came in. it felt as though I was not a guest, but something…else. I can’t even explain it. I would also not understand at the time how “major” this old man was, because I never googled him and didn’t run in the same circles as his “people”. with my guard up, I went up to his penthouse residence. he was so proud of the space. I think it overlooked much of Manhattan. upon entering the space, it looked rather normal. he offered me a glass of wine, and I was immediately caught off guard, because I thought we were going to lunch. I do not remember if I accepted the wine or not, but I do remember thinking “if you drink this wine or feel you have to, make sure there is nothing in it or the glass”. I’ve ALWAYS been super on guard, naturally, in this way, even despite my earlier life experience at the park. my spidey senses are always extremely high. then, he asked me if I wanted a “tour” of his residence. questioning myself, and whether I was being paranoid or whether something actually really WAS off, I accepted. I kept looking at the door and guessing how much time it would take to escape if I had to, and whether he was fit enough to attack me or something. when he took me to his master bedroom suite to “see” it, I saw photos of his Harvard kids and his late wife. of course, that put me at ease, as I am sure it was designed to. he was hands-off, which also put me at ease and I kept going back and forth wondering whether I was being paranoid or not. when I faced the wall of the master bedroom suite that had a huge TV on it, I took major note of something that I found to be incredibly odd: there were HUNDREDS of VHS tapes stacked on bookshelves around it. blank. black. exactly at that moment, he began to ask me if I liked girls. naive, I thought he meant like, do I get along with women. I said “sure”. he said, “you know, I have a friend who is about your age who you may really like, she’s wonderful”. clearly, this was another flag. I could “see” all kinds of things in my mind’s eye that I never wanted to see in that moment, but I still also questioned myself. I was young, but not too young — I was in my mid 20s. I sort of bee-lined for the living room near the entrance to the residence and said I was hungry. we went downstairs and to a restaurant nearby. I can not remember which one. when I entered the restaurant, I recall feeling very uncomfortable. the staff was staring at me, and kissing his ass. it dawned on me completely, that he was “important”. a billionaire. a political player. protected. bowed to. as we sat at the table, all I could think of was how to get out of there as quickly as possible. I also did not want to admit that he was doing what he was doing — he was trying to groom me. toward the end of the meal, he handed me a huge wad of cash, with his old man hands trembling, and grabbed my arm and said with glaring, psychotic eyes “there is more where this came from”. ok — now I understood what happened, what he was doing. I left, feeling disgusted and disgusting. the wad of cash felt so dirty. I didn’t even want it in my possession, but I also needed to pay my rent. my “boyfriend” didn’t believe in taking care of me (my my, how my standards have changed now), and I certainly didn’t have any outside support or help despite coming from a well-off family. I was working triple time to pay my rent and phone bills and normal people stuff. I went home that night, and I remember clearly that the next day my then-boyfriend and I were set to leave for the Caribbean. I told him about the cash, and he said “great! we can use this on vacation”. enough said. I never saw the old man again. I received several emails from him, angry that I “didn’t want to see him”, but he was careful in them. I’m sure he knew exactly how to play it. and, what’s worse, is that over time I actually began to feel bad. I thought, well, what if he was just a nice man? what if I blew him off because I was wrong or paranoid? it’s amazing how the mind can and will play tricks on us when we have been gaslit our entire lives, and then even when we haven’t, in the face of evil. a few years later, I thought about this old man, and I sent him an email because I wanted to know “for sure” what my spidey senses were saying. he never replied, and I never thought of it again. until this morning.

there are certain sociopaths who are masters at their trade of getting one to second-guess their own knowing. if we are raised in dysfunctional homes, it only makes it harder to discern. if we are raised by mentally ill parents, it makes it very likely that we will “attract” these psychopaths. I feel fortunate on many fronts, given my past, for the bullets I have dodged. in addition, like HW and others, they can and will hire people to follow, stalk, and threaten their victims and prey. having been followed and stalked by people who were supposed to take care of me, to the point of having weird people approach me in public, I know just what this might feel like. the threat that ensues when one DARES to be sovereign after another (psychotic) person has decided that they want something from that one person. and, there are REASONS that psychotic people want things…and, no one is writing about it. perhaps it is a concept totally still in the ground. and that reason is one thing and one thing only, and it is why pedophiles molest and rape: LIFE FORCE.

life force is located, chakra-wise, IN the reproductive area of all persons. it’s where we create life, and it is where we give life. for artists and persons with artistic and creative flows, it is where that energy comes from. it is why athletes are often told “no sex or masturbation before a big game!” (so as to build and preserve their life force — of course in a natural, non-evil fashion). this is the transmitter and receptor part of the body that GIVES AND RECEIVES energy to the maximum. it is the most easily misunderstood, AND abused, communication center of the body. in cases of early childhood molestation, that chakra will become either over active (and many people go into sex work — also, I am not judging or disputing someone’s choices and no, I do not believe that anyone’s choice is wrong or better or worse than another’s, I will never judge that — what is right for me may not be for someone else and vice versa — so if you find it empowering to strip, escort, whatever, i am not judging you in any way — what I do know, having worked with women in these arenas, is that it DOES indeed often come on the heels of early life sexual violations that they have not understood) or UNDER active — to the point in which people will avoid sex, dating and relationships. obviously, because there is a fear of being violated, even if that fear is not conscious, and even if that memory is repressed.

the life force chakra emits a signal and brings forth an energy, which is… LIFE FORCE. power. alive. lively. powerful. happy. etc. there are tons of different emotions we might experience during labor, while with another person physically, when we are creative (sex, money and creativity are all tied together and reside in the same chakra aka energy center aka information center in the body) and when we are making money. if you consider yourself (and I always say this) a computer, and your software and data is stored differently and in different parts of your body, imagine where pure life force is stored. pure life force, in its purest and most in tact forms, is found in “pure” beings (and in the epicenter of giving and receiving life — the reproductive parts of the body). children, in particular. an animal, a baby, a being that has not been dismantled in a variety of ways will vibrate with the strongest life force possible. for the evil and predatory, that life force — and it doesn’t matter how they get it — is a goldmine. it must be had. it must be acquired. it is more expensive than money, and it is why people will pay insane sums to get that life force. the thing is, life force must be taken back in a particular way in order for it to no longer reside with the person who stole it. you can read my other blog posts about how to do that. when I write about taking back your energy, this is one of the ways in which I mean it. and when truth is brought to light — what any predator has stolen is often more easily returned to the person who owns it. think of that major guy, RA, from the news channel, and the scandal that broke a few years ago. I recall saying to a few people “I give him 6 months to live”. this is because the news that broke was so damning and loud, that what the break in the news DID was take the lid off of the container of which he was storing life force — other people’s souls, effectively. because when enough life force is stolen from us, our soul associates that with the body no longer being alive. and it begins to leave the body. and all kinds of problems ensue. well, that man did die months later, almost overnight.

many people in “power” want more of it. when I have wanted to maintain my own power in a healthy way, I have been celibate. very often, in fact. I’ve always been extremely choosy anyhow. it could be debated that I am not normal and therefore too choosy, but I don’t think so. I don’t care to give away my energy unless I know there is a balanced energetic exchange. that can be hard to find. in addition, when we have sex or someone molests or rapes us in some way, they INSERT their energy into us in a way that causes ours to leak…and so, we have to consider where has our energy gone, what energy are we hosting, and how do we both PSYCHOLOGICALLY AND ENERGETICALLY retrieve it? VERY IMPORTANT. I have worked with more rape, incest, and sexual violation cases than I can count. it’s rampant. it’s more common than anyone would ever believe or WANT to believe. I see it when I walk down the street. people deal with it in all kinds of ways, that they don’t even know are unhealthy. lots of people are working out issues they don’t know that they even have, relative to this subject. a lot of people take advantage of the fact that it IS an issue, and blame other people for things they didn’t do. it’s really a terrible hodgepodge. and obviously, it’s not a gender thing: men AND women molest. period. and it’s not about sex…it is about LIFE FORCE.

when we begin to understand BEYOND the veil, beyond the tangible, and beyond psychology how life force exchanges actually work (and not just sexually), we can balance ourselves. no matter our trauma or experience. when I saw Jennifer talking earlier today, I saw an otherwise very in tact and beautiful young woman who is about to reclaim a piece of her that JE has been walking around with for YEARS. the best thing that one can do, when they have been robbed in this way (because literally, we can be living in other people and them in us and NOT even understand that), is retrieve their energy as I am describing. because as this begins to happen, there will be a VISIBLE shift in the perpetrator. they will become uglier, even uglier than they already are. they will weaken. the energy that they have stolen will not stay in their body, that had once been acting as a sort of endless drug to keep them “winning” in life. have you ever wondered how or why these thieves of life force live to be SO old? it’s because they have taken SO MUCH life force, enough for several lifetimes, that they are literally running on their own empty with other people’s gas fueling them! the old man I wrote about here, from the upper east side (of course!), lived to be late 90s. 90s. consider potentially all of the young women (and men) living inside of that person, giving them life, using other people’s life force that they do not even know how to retrieve in the first place. THIS…by the way…is one of my greatest joys — helping people retrieve their own life force. and it is JUST AMAZING what happens to the thieves when this happens. you might have guessed: they get sick, they have mental breaks, and they die. because they have been running, for many years, on oxygen that is not their own. and often their victims, once they have properly taken back their own energy, will find a complete second-wind they never thought possible. because for the first time in years, maybe decades, their soul is living in their body instead of someone else’s.

we are going to see a LOT coming up in the news, regarding these matters. we are at the tip of the iceberg. read my eBooklet 4 about karma to understand more on that. I felt this in 2015 when I wrote that eBooklet, and so much has been happening since that many of us never would have guessed would come to the surface. but, shit floats. eventually. if you have been taken from, in the ways that I describe in this post, go and retrieve yourself. there are many ways to do this. the biggest piece of advice that I can give to you is, if you have been physically violated in any of the ways that I describe, GO NO CONTACT IN ORDER TO GET YOUR FULL SOUL BACK IN YOUR BODY. there is nothing else like going no contact that will make ALL of the little girls or little boys in you, and all of your previous ages, feel safe enough to return into the body that you so deserve to FULLY reside in.

*note: as always, I channel-write in one-shot and do not immediately go back to edit my initial post. if you receive this post via email (I am working out the technical difficulties with the mailing list that goes out from wordpress), go back in a day or so and read the link associated with this post versus the text that comes through via email.


when the student knows more than the teacher, taker energy, and borrowed essences

photo by Anita Saini

there are many reasons I keep writing about the nuances of one main subject / notion / statement / principle: know what is yours, and what is not yours. the reasons are 1) personal experience – hey, I didn’t ask for it, but it is what it is 2) the incredible resonance it has for 90%+ of my former patients 3) the fact that literally someone in another time zone or country will book a session with me based on ONE blog entry alone. that’s sort of a big deal, in that what I am writing is reaching people. I don’t need for what I am writing to reach everyone, that part is not up to me. and, thankfully, I don’t care about who doesn’t connect to what I write. what I write is for those who connect to it versus oppose, criticize, or attempt to critically think about it (a-hem, I’ve done that part already). early on, I was afraid that my posts would only make sense to some people. and then, when I noticed that people were connected to the point of blind intuition and barely any logic, taking huge leaps of faith and making huge investments to work together, it occurred to me that my being in my own energy and just being exactly who I am without trying to match some nonexistent niche was everything I’ve ever needed to be. fyi, if you are reading this and want to know “how” to grow your company, I say this: find out who you are first. find out what you stand for. find your message. without any of that, and I mean it — you need all of it — there is nothing. just fluff. just like a ton of what we see floating around in the land of bought and paid for instagram followings etc. do you want to be a person with a million followers who can not sell 10 t-shirts?

the thing about authenticity (and it amazes me how many people use that word — I really don’t like using that word, it’s sort of like the word “narcissist” — totally over-saturated, and usually used by people who are themselves either totally inauthentic or narcissistic) is that it can not be taught. it can not be gleaned. it represents a person who just…IS. how can you teach someone to be who they are? you can not. they either are, or they are not. and it can become glaringly obvious, if you know what to look for. this is important, because it will allow you to spot — regardless of your business/trade/social life — taker energy. taker energy is the bane of this post, and yes that is something that can be taught to spot. it took me years. I’m still learning, even with my off the wall intuition. I will explain why, and how I teach people in sessions about how to look at the human condition pertaining to both psychology and energy. some of it will be vague, because of the incredible number of people who have used my concepts and tried to regurgitate them either in their own blogs or “teachings”, and because they only read about my concepts versus actually lived them, the information gets taken out of context. we can not match something unless we actually match it — reading or digesting information is not equivalent to actual experience. and it is the vibration of EXPERIENCE that allows me to vet who and when for my work.

this morning I woke up thinking about an individual I haven’t thought about in years. probably because they are about to contact me. I get this a lot. I will see a person’s face, or name, right in front of my mind’s eye and know they are going to reach out that day. or, I will know that they have unfollowed me on a social media platform (for whichever xyz reason). allow me to also note, this is not something I “try” for. it’s happened since the day I was born, and no, you can please scrap the word “psychic”. “psychic” is an annoying word to me at this point, and connotes “I have special powers and I know more than you and I will potentially hex you”. for me, it is just seeing truth. but the real truth. not the truth I necessarily want, and not a truth that I can or will alter. just simple truth. anyhow, this individual was basically standing in front of me. I will leave gender out of this one because I don’t want to disrespect this person in any way or allude to who it might be. this person was someone who came to me 4-5 years ago. I will never forget the look on their face when they walked in to greet me. they had their little corporate luggage, their corporate suit and shoes that looked uncomfortable, and…the face. their face was naturally grimacing, but not necessarily because they were nervous about seeing me (and they were, for at least the first 5 hours). the grimace was a natural response to their everyday environment: an environment that felt like prison. they had a terrible relationship going on, terrible relations with parents which they had never even approached or attempted to shift, a job that was killing them, and deep desires to live differently. as I sat with this person for 5 hours talking, and another 2 hours working on their energy field on my treatment table, I saw a 180 shift. during this time in my career, I still had to learn what it meant to not give my personal energy away. I will get to that part later. I look at it, for myself, as 50% psychological and 50% energetic (the part that NO therapist or “clinician” can even touch in terms of explaining and probably understanding as well) in terms of how I’ve given myself away to others in the past. and I will discuss why that is relevant and what I have learned and how it has catapulted my work to date.

the 180 degree shift that I saw in this person was all of the hopes and desires that I had for them when they walked in. you see, I was still working on having compassion and love for all of the little girls in me who had been obliterated through insane abuse (physical, emotional, verbal) on a daily basis until I could escape such. that said, it was still easier for me, in my earlier days of doing the work that I do, to have compassion for people I was helping than it was to truly feel compassion for my younger self at whatever age would be relative at the time. I worked to bridge that compassion to the point that I was able to call her back into my body, fully, and I taught and teach others how to do the same through many hours of work. anyhow, when I saw this person with the 180 degree shift — as was per the norm in my office in those days, and still is — I was of course pleased and excited for this person. after all, that result is why I did the work. I wanted to see people, who had been broken, repaired. what I didn’t FULLY realize at the time (though I was not totally ignorant to this concept) was the fact that some folks, no matter how “good” they were internally, would actually take what was MINE…and this was a two-fold issue in those cases — my issue, and their issue.

before I get into the above “issue”, I will give a short “before and after” summary of my current post example of the 180 degree turn person. they walked in one way and walked out forever changed. this person went home, ended their relationship, confronted their family/parents, and moved overseas (basically, they followed every single detail I offered to them about what they should do — right down to exactly where on this planet they should move) where they met the love of their life and started their business. this has happened, by the way, more than once — and not everyone has in effect “taken” something that does not belong to them. so, if you are reading this and wondering “is this me?”, probably it’s not. also, people who take things from other people often do not self reflect super well, so it’s unlikely this post — and being as vague as it is — would even strike a cord (and as a side note, read my post on taking more than you give!). but it’s an important example to share, because this person collected my essence into a grab-bag. after they saw me and followed my advice to a tee, their world changed. sometimes it’s a little bit funky when someone changes their life that much, because if they finally stand up for themselves and loved ones know that *I* have been the common denominator, I can certainly be the focus of some negativity. that said, I’m so rehearsed and nearly immune to most negative psychic focus, it just doesn’t even matter. and, the work I do is always of the highest integrity, so I feel that there is an incredible divine protection. and yet also with that said, some people around this person did attempt to harm me. after they followed my advice, the people around them “didn’t recognize them” anymore. this is because they, for the first time, stepped into some self love (along with a little bit of my energy, which was not cool). so when their “loved ones” saw this, they decided that they would actually hire “psychics” to delve into me and pursue me. basically, not only did this not work, but these dark-focused “people” told the “loved ones” of my patient: “do not come here about that woman Elaine again”. I know this, because I was informed about it nearly a year later. apparently the psychics got sick, and negative events occurred in their lives after trying to tamper with me. this is what happens when you try to do “witchcraft”. “witchcraft” is a lazy, pathetic attempt to control outside forces because the person can not control themselves. at any rate, looking back exactly at the timeline of this attempted “psychic witchcraft” event, I was affected a bit. right at that time, a very unhinged person (totally unrelated on a tangible/human level to any of the above people) began stalking me and making bizarre attempts to take me down. the great thing about this was the result: it resulted in me finding the best legal team in the country, and now I’ve been represented by them for 4.5 years. it’s funny how our challenges can always be turned into strengths.

when the patient of mine who is the subject of the first part of this blog post moved and changed their life, and after I battled off the remnants of their “loved ones'” fury, I kept working like a workhorse. I used to work 100+ hours a week, like 5-6 sessions a week, 8 hours each in person and dozens of hours remotely. months felt like days, and that’s how my life was back then. at any rate, about a year passed. the patient I speak of got back in contact with me. they wanted “more”. their life had changed entirely, and they wanted…more. like so many people I have seen over the years, I gave them the idea to share their spiritual knowledge and experiences in healer/spiritual form. this person decided, like many before and after them, to “open” their spiritual practice and make a business out of it. at this final meeting, they asked me could they please have a big discount on my service to them. now, let me be clear: ANY of my services, past AND present, operate at a VERY standard hourly rate. it’s just that I offer a lot of TIME. and, with all that I want and need to share with a person, I can not get it UNDER a certain amount of time. a lot of people who have never worked with me do not know that and many do not understand that. but I will be clear about that, and anyone I have worked with (not the people who have lied and said they have worked with me — there are some of them out there) knows this. so anyway, I agreed to offer this person, at their second meeting with me, a steep discount. having some semblance of boundaries for myself, I asked them if they would be open to sharing a testimonial about their experience. not only are testimonials wonderful for anyone who sees them (regardless of whether they see me or not), testimonials have grown businesses of those who have done them for me. in most cases, this has been a great thing to do. this person at their second meeting with me said they would be delighted to do a video testimonial! and so, I offered more of myself. they went on their way, got married, cemented their spiritual work in the world, and had a great life. they never did that video.

a couple years later, and then a few years later, this person kept trying to get back in touch with me. I told myself that, while I will NEVER argue with anyone I have worked with (I treat everyone, no matter whether I become close to them or not, as people who need help and needed my help specifically as patients first), I would still draw the line. I can be firm, I have been firm in telling people the truth about themselves which can not be easy to hear, and I have listened to concerns. but, I will do my best to not present anyone with a gripe. so, in this case, I decided to not address it. this person knew what they were trying to get away with, and not only THAT, but they wanted even more from me. too much was not enough! so, why do you think they wanted more? I will tell you: what they grabbed, in their grab bag, was not all their own…and when we do not do the work to make it our own and to BE RECIPROCAL with our energy, WE SUFFER. God takes things away from us. this person had used my source and supply for a period of time, failed to call from within their inner resources, and so they were running dry. they also, I will note, are not a bad person. they are just a rookie. a rookie in the human world, the world of business, and the world of spirituality. their rookie mistake would prove difficult for them, because they could not contend with the fact that not only were they in large part operating on borrowed energy, but that that borrowed energy would at some point expire (hello! I can not keep my energy accessible without a firewall for my entire life). I noticed from afar (intuitively, AND literally through their reach outs) their waning energy. it was waning because they had become a taker. a common theme in my life, witnessing this type of individual. and I will say, that if you are witnessing this, it is probably because you do not need to take from other people and so you can’t imagine why that would happen in the first place. we think of others the way we think of ourselves. I still, often, try to get my head around why ANYONE would want to take anything from me…because it just doesn’t occur to me to do that with others. I don’t need to. apparently some or many people do. I’m still learning about this. and no, it’s not because I have “weak boundaries”…despite having weak boundaries in the past. it’s because people are still like kids in candy stores. I’ll come back to that later, as my neuroscientist (a brilliant man, someone who was the creator of so many incredible things in psychology and physics) has experienced a lot of what I have. and yes, you bet that made me feel better about myself, that I was not experiencing these things because I had “bad boundaries” or was flawed in some way. apparently, it’s human nature for some people to “take”. I’m still trying to learn around what must sound or seem like total naivete on my part.

what I learned from the patient who has been the subject of this post thus far, is how people can not only take, but also how they can confuse other people’s energy with their own. this person had not done the work that they needed to do, and so the “spell” that they created for themselves off of MY energy field had only lasted so long. it was perhaps my duty to pull back my own energy field much sooner, though I was still learning about the fact that people are actually lazy enough to take from others, things that did not belong to them. so if I could go back and change one thing, it would be to have disconnected this person from my server sooner. and yeah, that’s my analogy: I talk and present often in terms of technological reference. in terms of “how” to bump someone off of your server, well, you will have to do your own work — based on integrity for both yourself and others — to figure that out. I had to. in addition, this person underwent a period of “knowing more than me”. this has happened before, too. I will see someone, they are peeled off of the ground, and suddenly not only was I never there in the first place, but now they are teaching ME. this is VERY common with men, by the way. I don’t want to get into gender too much because I do feel it is fluid and that different energies both masculine and feminine can inhabit either physical body, but I want to note that the notion of the student knowing more than the teacher is a very masculine quality. it’s obviously happened with women, or people in physical form of women, who are competitive and work with a masculine (force) energy versus a feminine (power) energy. at any rate, as has been the case in many other instances (I’ll list a few examples soon), said patient became, in their mind, my teacher. they wanted to impart advice and information my way. which is fine. but it speaks to whose energy was actually living in them at that point.

when the well became dry, about 4 years after I first met this person, they really wanted to get in touch and see me. it simply never happened. their voicemails were “how much are you charging right now?” instead of “what are your current session requirements?”, also totally neglecting to acknowledge the fact that they never made good on an agreement and effectively took something from me. I never felt betrayed or sad about it, I understand what happened with them and why, and quite frankly just as I always am in these cases, I was fascinated by their psychology and the spirituality behind it all. I sensed that they were frail, and that they had confused their “one” spiritual awakening with a “lifer” experience, totally naive to the fact that we die many times while in human form. like many before them, and many after them, they decided that where *I* was when I met them is where I still was. only, that’s not true. I grow weekly. monthly. and I do this with my own energy. the hard way. lots of days or weeks feel impossible to me, because I am always pulling from my OWN resource. I may state aloud or write down huge intentions to bump certain people (energetic thieves) off of my server, but I don’t need to rely on “spells” or “witchcraft” to generate desired results for myself in this world. it all comes from within. some will never, ever understand this. and so said patient who has been my subject here so far, kind of just withered to a standstill. they didn’t understand how or why my work continued to grow, and why theirs never did — or, it stopped after I no longer offered my energy field as an endless resource to them (again, I really had to learn how to NOT do this…).

I grew up thinking and believing that if I did not offer my entire life force to those around me, that *I* would die. and, that is because, at the time, it was true. if I had a certain look on my face or said ANYTHING that even seemed to spar with those around me, I would suffer. I had the shit beaten out of me so many times (it was normal — weekly and from more than one person until I was about 15), and what that created on an energetic plane was that my actual FIELD merged with that of others. so that THEY could be full. so that THEY could ignore who and what they were. in essence, I became their CONTAINER. and, I had to learn through the course of my own healing work with others, how to use my negatives as positives but not become the CONTAINER again. I worked REALLY hard at that. it was double-edged. and I share this to explain how it all works both energetically and psychologically. psychologically, I also only knew to be a container since age 1 day old. if the sun was rising, it was my doing. if it was raining, it was my doing. if someone stubbed their toe, it was my doing. basically, addict thinking. I was whatever mood xyz person was in, and I never knew which mood would be next. it would also take me years to understand how I repeatedly attracted active addicts into my life — and became, to them, whatever they happened to be feeling in that very moment. this is known widely as negative transference. and so, negative transference was my only experience. to survive it, I had to commit to one thing: shame. if it was my fault, the world would make sense. if it was not my fault, then I would have become schizophrenic and had psychotic breaks. the only way to avoid having a psychotic break when you are shamed and abused on a daily basis, is to commit to shame and guilt. and so, thankfully for ME, I did NOT try to become a “therapist” right out of college…20s should be reserved for coming to terms with our entire life experience, not “telling people how it is” (there are, however, and I have met them, incredible people who are PERFECT in the role that they are in as therapists in their 20s – I don’t want to blanket statement that sentiment, that no one should be practicing at that point. there are plenty of exceptions). I certainly benefited from listening to my inner core, after age 24 when I “knew” I was going to go do this…but just to wait a bit and set up other areas of my life FIRST. anyhow, my entire wiring was so that I constantly had to bleed (in my mind), in order for someone else to live. and though I worked through that very much during crappy romantic relationships in my 20s, the real successful crossing of that ugly terrain came in my 30s when I was neck deep in my healing work. because also, it was no longer just about the psychological plane. which, frankly, bored me anyhow. I have stated many times how I began as a psych major at Northeastern University and quickly dropped it after a year. mostly because I was still in a constant state of trauma, aka fog, and could not process information well. also though, because I was bored out of my mind and I couldn’t imagine making other people’s problems my life until I actually had a life of my own first. I have no regrets on that front!

when we don’t know where our energy starts or stops, we learn the hard way. when we have holes poked in our auric fields and we are always bleeding as a result, other (needy, often lazy) people can smell that blood that is leaking and come to lap it up like sharks. they don’t have to be “bad” people to do this, by the way. this (the fact that they may be “good”, “nice”) can make them extra hard to spot. I’ll get to that part later, though. when we have/had holes poked in our auric and psychological fields, we are still in a state of receiving negative transference in which we believe that everything happens because of or despite us. by the time I met the person I write about in this post so far, I had had enough experiences with other patients to know that no, I did not owe this person “the world”. I already had “the world” taken, or attemptedly taken, from me, by others I worked with. so I was good. and, I was in a place in which I could observe how energy — not psychological energy — worked. now I am a big believer in BOTH (psychological and energetic) fields — remember, I treat a fair share of psychologists myself — but what has NOT been studied and what people do NOT understand, and what is the BANE of my business, is teaching and explaining INTANGIBLE ENERGY. I began to learn, from this person who had borrowed my energy, become MY teacher instead of my student at their own will, and who had confused MY energy with their own, exactly how this had happened. I realize that I am a very acute example of how this might come to be, but I am not the only one: weekly, I work with people who have the same thing happen, yet they have zero reference point for how or why. because people are not writing about this or talking about it. that is why I write about it and talk about it. I write about the things that I could never find anywhere online, and they happen to be actual EXPERIENCES of mine versus ideas that I have taken in bits from others.

if we think of fictional movies like The Matrix or Harry Potter, we can get a “feel” for how light versus dark might operate. for example, Agent Smith (he copies himself into other people to hide) and Lord Voldemort (he doesn’t exist in the first place, really, so he has to assume other people’s bodies). these characters borrow and steal life force (aka “power”), because they can not or will not internally generate. in a sense, at some point, we ALL look to glean energy from others. when we are young and/or seeking identity, we attach to things we see in the media to give us a sense of self or we attach to friends and social groups to give us a sense of self. I did it. I did embarrassing things, too, when I felt I needed to fit in. but at some point, as adults, we grow out of that and the childhood tactics that are a natural part of childhood don’t work anymore. and that’s where we find grown adults, basically in character (calling themselves “witches” etc — ), straight out of a movie. first of all, if you think you are a witch, it’s probably the last thing that you will ever say out loud. true power does not stand up and say “hi I’m here”. next, when we have grown past the ability or desire to create from within, this is where energetic and psychological sickness can take place. by the way, I am always the FIRST person to say: “go get a therapist”. I think everyone on this planet needs one. it’s just that, they have to be a really GREAT one. which is very hard to find, since the amount of mental illness and personality disorders amongst “therapists” or people with pieces of paper from fancy places that says they are a therapist or doctor is so rampant (a-hem, there are other reasons that people go into those fields). if we are not working on our own psychology and energy, then we are at a standstill and we will get it from somewhere else, anywhere else, and often unconsciously…

when I think about the first subject of this blog, I do not consider them bad in any way. if anything, I have a tremendous liking for them. maybe not their actions, but for who they are as a human being. they are doing their best, it’s just not working, and so they are learning a lesson. keep in mind that we do not have to be “bad” people to make mistakes or do something wrong. and, in order to sort through dark versus light, remember it all boils down to one thing: INTENTION. I believe that the intention of the first subject of this blog post was and is positive. what ended up happening, though, is their unconscious — through attempting to bypass YEARS of psychological and spiritual work, and claim mine as their own — decided that it would borrow a piece of me and attempt to copy it into themselves. and while they are not malicious in the slightest (oh, there is a spectrum!), it is along the lines of the blog post I wrote in 2016 about hostile envy. when a person sees something that they want, they will do one of two things: 1) the actual core work, to become that thing 2) try to steal it. many people try to steal it. and this is where hostile (often unconscious) envy comes in. with this notion in mind, someone who spends time with the person and qualities that they want, will slowly absorb enough of their energy to decide that THEY are the things they want and desire, and that somehow they have worked for or are entitled to those things. at that point, they still see the things that they want and desire in the other person, and it’s like a drug…they want more, and because they seem to see “2” of themselves, they want to rule out the “copy”…not realizing that they, are indeed, the copy…

so I am self-reflective to a fault. I always worry that I am not doing something right, or that maybe I’m wrong, etc. it is for this reason that I work VERY HARD in my life to be sure that I own the qualities and knowing that I express. if you are reading this and wondering, “shit, what if I am a taker?”, then I say this…look at your intentions. look at your timelines, or how long you have been working toward self-actualizing around something. the people I am speaking about who “assume” other identities and energies typically do so overnight, with no time or credentials or empirical data. it’s all too “fast”. it’s like instagram “businesses”. it’s not sustainable or real. if you are that, then it is time to look at what you truly identify with and why. and if your intention is on point, as in, you truly want to honor yourself and others and you actually make it a DAILY effort to do so, probably you are not a taker and probably you will not confuse your energy with that of others. takers generally do not sit back and self reflect and wonder if they are doing something wrong, even if their life is falling apart. they constantly divert outwards and see things as happening “to” them. nothing happens “to” us. and no matter how many mistakes I’ve made in my life, I always know that nothing happens “to” me. it’s ALWAYS happening FOR me. so, use that, regardless of where you stand, and get objective feedback. this is why therapy — not repeated ayahuasca retreats — is key. because we actually live here. with other actual people. who have a human psychology, not the psychology of psychedelics (and by the way I am not disputing their incredible benefits — I have never done them and do not feel a pull, but I do know they help many people).

I had this other patient once. a young man. a doctor had contacted me because this young man had been to specialist after specialist, and doctor after doctor, and no one could help him. this was about 6 years ago. I am fine stating the gender here and not concerned about anonymity in this case for reasons I won’t mention. I spoke with the young man for a long time on the phone, before agreeing to see him. he said it would be almost impossible to leave his house, and that he was hopeful I could help him. I thought to myself “I can help him”. I knew I could. so he shows up and we have our session. looking back, I must have lent out an INCREDIBLE amount of my own life force to this person. and obviously, I did not know then what I know now. that is the beauty of hindsight. anyhow, he pulled a 180 like I had never seen before. he would not be the last, but I would use incredible discernment after seeing this person — and, after noting the CONDUIT through which he came (a doctor who I later learned was incredibly shady and he had developed a horrible reputation). this young man began his life. he went from being a shut-in to being a “normal” 20 something. to document this, because it was just so unbelievable, I invited this young man to my house to video tape a couple of hours of conversation about what happened for him in our session together. he insisted that I not videotape his face, but that I could use his name. the camera that we were recording on, oddly enough, came from yet another taker in my life. a sugarbaby of sorts, who decided that she would replicate my trade (it didn’t work) and become me in some way after shadowing me for over a year and getting to know many of my patients. after spending the day with those two, they went about their business. then sugarbaby began to invite patients of mine to private and family events and exclude me. I could see the forest for the trees. I never confronted her about that, it was pointless, plus I had my “rule” about confronting people who came to me for help. I was still in the pattern of attracting a number of unwell people, just as I had been accustomed to early on in life. what is odd, or maybe not, is that the friends I made outside of my healing practice were long term friends – some of multiple decades – and all but one of them is still in my life. so my difficulties were not a testament to my inability to choose good people, but more so about what I was still trying to heal…many sick people from my past. and, the little girl in me, simultaneously. months went by, and I lost contact with sugarbaby, and the young man was frantically contacting me — he wanted to “borrow” sugarbaby’s camera. I knew immediately what he wanted. he had decided that he, too, had special gifts, and that he needed to erase the origins of such. so I simply popped the memory card out of the camera and gave it to him. as I handed it off to him, he breathed with a sigh of relief. literally. at the time, I didn’t have the full picture, yet I also just KNEW…the full picture. and so, months later, this young man who was literally bed-ridden for years with no professional to help him, was living life freely. he decided on one sunny afternoon to send me an email about his new “blog” for his new “healing practice”. the healing practice name was a carbon copy of my practice’s name at the time (and I changed it because people simply could not find it within themselves to be original, and it became this stream of suffixes that were almost identical aside from their first name included), and the blog was a 100% plagiarism of my first eBooklet, eBooklet 1. he was dead serious when he said, “hi Elaine, this is my company and my blog post, I thought you might find it helpful for you AND YOUR PATIENTS“. um. WHAT? at any rate, understanding transference, I thanked and congratulated him and let him know that his piece was also a rip off of my eBooklet and blog. he retorted — and I can’t even believe this happened, but this is a classic case — that I was jealous and did not like competition. obviously, he was speaking about himself. obviously, he had deep-seated anger issues with women. obviously, he had, somehow…become part of me. by taking part of me. and somehow, I had allowed that to happen!

the young man above was blocked from contacting me further, as I deemed him super unwell. he went on to promote his “reiki” and “healing” business, which only lasted a short while. because I bumped him off of my server. something I should have done much sooner, shortly after our work together. in fact, it was something that I should have done for MANY people shortly after our work together. but in my early years doing this work, I was still working through not feeling responsible for others. I was working past my own trauma and on new boundaries both psychologically and energetically, and so I still attracted a number of really sick people. not a lot. just enough of a fraction to learn things I really needed to learn. in fact, I’m surprised that such a huge percentage of my patients were and are so incredibly unbelievable as human beings. not takers. when I talk with therapists and the like, they do not describe the same. my passion definitely came in to assist me because I will say that this practice has been the greatest gift of my life in terms of the amazing people I have had the honor of working with. anyhow, the young man example is a classic case of sociopathy, and the ultimate transference. he not only tried to become me, but he was hostile and angry — aka conscious — while doing it. I have since learned, and I do recognize in retrospect, what to look for. little things, like jealous eyes, and the way they move around. how when someone can not look at you IN the eyes without being nervous, there is a strong potential that they are evil. as for the young man, I’m not certain he was wholly evil…just sick, vindictive, and certainly weak. I still have the memory chip from the video recorded. I always save data.

so, why did the young man do this? beyond obvious psychology, there is the following: I had let him taste the fruits of MY labor. it was my hope, as is in every case that I take one, that someone will recognize their OWN similar template through mine, and replicate based on that information. that does often require work, though. and, it requires someone to simply be a good person. thankfully, on my end, after making TONS of cuts to my life in the form of people, the quality of people now in it is like night and day. at the time I worked with the young man, I was still in contact with abusers from my past, and people like them who I had no idea at the time were like them. now that that is over with and decapitated from my life, it is almost expected that each person I bring into it will be amazing. I’m still working on it though, as evidenced by my desire to share so much in this post. so, I had basically let this young man access MY results, from DECADES of inner and psychological and spiritual work, long enough for him to decide he could acquire my results as his own. I did this with a lot of people. and, you might be surprised to know this one thing: I DO NOT REGRET IT. I will never change my giving nature, I will simply modify and adapt sooner to the reality presented to me. when we treat people with kindness and unconditional giving, it is WE who have the advantage. this is because, that person who we are giving to, will REALLY show who they are. they have already assumed that we are all-giving, and that they already have the entire enchilada in their bag, and that is when their true colors can be revealed. I have so many examples of this it would make your head spin. if this happens to you, it’s not that you are doing something wrong — revert back to the first few paragraphs of this post…it’s that you have a lot to offer, and no one gives us a guidebook (well, except for fiction and science fiction movies maybe) as to how to navigate the temperature of taker energy.

I’m going to share some tips on how to spot a taker energy. keep in mind that the spectrum of good versus evil can really run the gamut here, and is irrelevant to spotting a taker. the first thing that I have noticed in retrospect about serious taker energy is either (obviously) a strong aversion to them, as in, you look at them and you can feel their NEED so deeply that you want to run the other way, OR, it is the opposite — it can feel like you want to spend a ton of time talking and being with them, almost like you are lost in time or space. what is happening exactly in the latter, is that they are MIRRORING your energy like a sociopath mirrors to trick and trap his victims. this mirroring can happen consciously, or it can happen unconsciously. also, you will feel as though you “need” to be in contact with them, but not know why. what you are sensing is THEIR need to be in contact with YOU. ironically, it will be YOU doing the reach-outs…leaving you wondering and guessing, “am I the needy one?”. nope. you’re not. especially if you even have to stop and think about it. I dated a guy like this once. for over 2 years. it was the biggest waste of 2 years of my life, but then again he is a great benchmark and story for me to reference when teaching other people about takers who mirror. like many other takers, he feared rejection to the point in which I HAD to be the one to take initiative. all of the time. about anything. this is not necessarily about being shy, it is about CONTROL. controlling people often say very little. they describe themselves as private. they are not private. they are controlling, they have a lot to hide, and they will take everything you share with them for themselves because they share nothing. that was this guy. his good-guy act was down pat. I questioned myself daily. as we began dating, all of his bad habits (drinking a 6 pack every night, smoking half a pack of cigarettes, taking xanax simply to deal with the sun rising) STOPPED. then, guess who couldn’t sleep? me. guess who needed meds to sleep? ME. guess who felt low and depressed? ME. I was in my 20s. I had not come full circle with understanding why I was attracted to these takers. I was trapped with this wallflower dude who literally appeared nice as pie. he was also boring as all hell. he had the personality of a white wall. he was blank. everywhere. I painted my qualities onto him and effectively handed him my identity, and then “fell in love with it”. I did this more times after that, occasionally in new friendships or acquaintanceships, and even a little bit in my work, but never again in a romantic relationship. it was a hard pattern to identify and break, and it is part of why I am a late bloomer. he/my dynamic with him is a classic example of how one feels when they are being taken from…it felt almost like a high…the black pit of nothingness that was within him, that he embodied, was my addiction. it was exactly like growing up and having the hell beaten out of me until I didn’t exist. me not existing was equivalent to love. now, if you do not suffer from the same issues as I did, it doesn’t mean that you can’t or won’t attract a taker! or someone who confuses their energy with your own. my role early on was what it was BECAUSE of my personal energy. if you have a similar well, eventually it will show up or has shown up in relationship dynamics in general. I do not know one very successful person on this planet who has not gone through very challenging times — energetically and personally — on their way up. that’s why the social media thing is such a hoot.

so not only might you feel that you can talk to this person for hours on end, as you are filling up their empty well, but you may feel that you enjoy it. when you take a break from them or pull away, your entire life will begin again. read my post about stagnation, too. the other thing that you may feel, separate from the insane mirroring that empty or lazy souls will do with you, is noting the obvious: what is this person’s identity in the real world? what do they do for work? how did they get there? how do they make their money? who are they close to in life? these are KEY FACTS to consider when understanding whether or not your identity is being infringed upon, or about to be infringed upon. sugarbaby never had a job in her life other than drinking and dancing on table tops. her family was in and out of jail, and the women in it subscribed to witchcraft. her life depended upon what she could get from others, like me, who mapped out her holistic company for her one day in central park…which she would later use, after disowning me. being “accepting” of others may be your downfall. it was mine. I was literally friends with homeless people at one point in my life, and thought nothing of it. I was so averse to owning my own potential and gifts that I actually assigned them to others! maybe this is you, too. maybe it is not. typically someone will insist on having a session with me after reading a new blog post of mine, and we see instantly that they have been through nearly exactly the things I have. so, this post is for you, and all of those like you. I understand that it may sound off the wall to someone who has never set foot in this type of terrain. but also, if you have never been challenged with someone trying to own your energy, then you do not know what it means to be at the top of your field. it’s impossible.

I take responsibility for people confusing my energy with their own, because I was too afraid to own my own gifts. I understand that that comes from something deep within me, that I have worked to fix. I also would not change any of those experiences, if I had the chance to do so. they afforded me SO MUCH information and learning. so that I could help others who go through the same thing. there is no currency like the currency of energy and life force. it is why pedos molest. they don’t molest for sex. they molest to steal life force. I will write more on that at another time. no one has written about that and it’s nowhere. stay tuned. the currency of life force is something delicate, and one has to be careful with it. I have been working hard, since last summer, to reclaim my life force. and each time I do, I get frantic reach-outs from people who I realize have been signed onto my server for free and now they are not. and they are looking for access. and they will do all kinds of bizarre things, like try to manipulate me with doing videos for me or writing reviews, dangling carrots almost, because what they want they can’t access as they have stopped growing personally. and it’s obvious to me exactly who and exactly when. and they want my logon. and I don’t provide it in the same way.

I met a person in the “spiritual” (I do not like that word, but there is no other word to use in lieu of it) community years ago who was a shy, 35-dollar psychic. they had no following. nothing. and long story short, after gleaning as much from me as they could, had built an entire personality off of me. like others I describe, they were empty, hollow, boring, and looking for an identity. it took me years to realize what had occurred, just as I had realized in cases in which I had given parts of myself away. this is really important to understand that we need energetic boundaries as much as we need psychological boundaries. what is an energetic boundary? well, it is stating out loud “I do not allow x person to connect to me anymore”. imagine you are a computer. who is logged on? I also reference this as uncording in other posts. and so with the “spiritual” person I met, I bumped them off of my server. as physics would have it, they could no longer develop their “personality” around what I was offering them of myself. when we stop sharing our life force with those who have very little, we see immediate and astonishing things happen. it’s happening right now with one of my recent sessions. the person, a very normal, amazing and successful corporate person, is astonished to see how this works. and in part, this post is for her!

there are things to look for when someone has not only borrowed your energy, but taken it and confused it with their own. telltale signs: 1) someone who came to you for help is now teaching you 2) someone who had no identity is suddenly a master at your trade and they are working off of YOUR clients 3) someone changes their name or company name to mimic or match yours in some way 4) you get lost in time talking with someone, almost like you are in another dimension — when in reality, the person lacks a core (because literally, people can and do exist OUTSIDE of their own bodies) and you are staring at your own goodness in the mirror while they lap it up 5) the person you are engaging with has really poor or no relationships or history in the real world.

the good news is, everything that has ever been and everything that will ever be ALWAYS returns to its original source. we can be as giving as we want, but we can never permanently give away our actual essence. that is like, highly illegal in the spiritual and divine realms. I’ve wanted to (give away my essence) at certain points as a young person (due to my background), and totally learned the hard way how it is not ok to do that. in some cases, particularly romantic partnerships, it took me a VERY long time to retrieve my essence after the fact – because someone had formed an entire identity around mine. we get into these situations for a myriad of reasons, and we don’t need to come from abusive homes in order to experience them. if we are ever making it to the top of any mountain in life, these are tests and situations we surely encounter. I would know, I’ve seen really incredible people who are at the top of various mountaintops — and they have been through this in one way or another. the fact is, we are not all the same underneath. one “person” may be a vacant lot, walking around with their soul barely connected whilst they collect lots of other souls, and another person may actually be the full embodiment of their soul and even parts of their oversoul (that is a whole other blog post, the notion of an oversoul). light and dark, good versus evil, does play a role here, and it is all relative. read more in many of my other posts about different aspects of the latter. at the end of the day, no one should ever take anything from you that is not already intrinsically their own (it is ok to reflect back what is inside of someone that they can not see, just first be clear on whether it is actually inside of them or whether you are assigning your own life force TO them). the responsibility is a TWO WAY STREET! we have to recognize what we are giving away, and WHY, and we have to recognize what we are taking, and when and why.

I share as much as I can in my blog without giving it “all away”. I want people who will never see me, to benefit from my shares. I also reserve a ton of information and trade secret work for my actual sessions. because, that’s how it should be. but there is certainly enough juice in here for anyone who resonates with this post or any other post to benefit from. I hear it all the time from strangers, particularly in my neighborhood, who will recognize me and say, “Oh my God, Elaine!? YOUR BLOG…it’s like you’re reading my mind for what I want to know”.

good luck out there.



no one “important” is “off-limits”, if it’s really right to connect with them

photo by Anita Saini

there is this unspoken (or, spoken?) myth that the most “important” or “successful” people are impossible to reach, and therefore probably not worth trying to reach.

the thing is, “important” or “successful” people have gatekeepers yes, and protocol yes, but when something is aligned, you would be surprised as to who might respond to you…if you do it the “right” way. and also if you are not unhinged in some way, or a stalker – very important.

how do we know when it is “right” to try and connect with someone who we may otherwise consider “too important” to want to give us the time of day? first of all, intention. what is your true intention for reaching out to person X? how do they relate to you or vice versa? what is your common denominator? what’s potentially in it for them, for you to reach out? you don’t need a tangible token to offer, per se, but you should have more than one thing in common. in order to clarify intention, we have to ask ourselves: “if this person had nothing to offer me, would I still want to connect?” – if the answer is yes, then you likely share something in common with them, beyond what the eye can see. if this is the case, your natural draw to them will supersede logistical bs (accolades, on-paper achievement, etc). the other thing is, very successful people are also very intuitive – despite what you may think about that. some of the top C-suites I’ve worked with have an eye for talent or intention in a way that totally rivals mine! in fact, I’ve been in the presence of such people who have more years on the planet than I do, and have sized someone up in seconds right in front of me — whereas it took me much longer. that said, that super important or successful person you want to connect with will have a natural radar to spot your intention — this is good news if you know what your intention is, if you can state what it is, and if that intention actually aligns to theirs. if it doesn’t, and you try to connect with them, perhaps it will align with them at another time. it doesn’t really matter though, because if your intention is clean then it will guide you regardless – and maybe you will find out that person is not a match to YOU.

the next part of knowing “when” to reach out, is the actual…WHEN. pairing alongside intention is timing. you have to look at yourself like a piece of fruit. when will you be the most ripe, according to your intention for reaching out to someone? for example. a year ago, I knew that certain parts (interests of mine) of me would ripen around Summer 2019 (now). although there were a number of people I really wanted to connect with a year ago (the people who might be too important or successful to want to talk to me), and my intention was on point, it wasn’t the right time. so I waited.

if we can lock down our intention and our timing, the only other thing to consider is whether or not the people we are looking to connect with require a certain protocol. this requires RESEARCH. now, not everyone’s protocol is readily obvious…but, we should do our diligence to understand whether or not it IS readily obvious. for example, go to their website. see if they are open to connecting with people, but if there is a particular “how” that they prefer. for example, I definitely have a how. after you do this, follow the protocol. if they do not have a protocol, then there is judgement that can be used as to how to connect via social media. perhaps sending person A a DM on twitter or instagram is a terrible idea, whereas it may actually work (I haven’t really heard of this though) for someone else like person B, IF your intention and timing are a true match to you (and them). other platforms like Linkedin are a solid potential, and I often do reach out to people in this manner. it gives them the opportunity to either wait, or politely decline an invitation or message without either party feeling offended. after all, it’s business…not personal.

finally, don’t be afraid to break the rules — I’ve had so many people get through to me at really random, but totally synchronistic times, even when I have called off certain work for a time. I’ve broken my rules on occasion because the person followed all of the other rules of mine, was totally conscientious, and it was just “right”. don’t be afraid, either, of being rejected…I get rejected all of the time. it is part of life. not everyone will like you or understand you — but it’s not personal. it’s just the mosaic of this very grey world we live in. keep trying. don’t get salty or bitter over it. breaking the rules — within reason and with enough honor — has afforded me opportunity I would never have otherwise gotten.

when I was young and wanted to be on a tv show, I didn’t know what the rules were for headshots and resumes. I also had no resume. I had a headshot that was totally not the industry standard, but I sent it to this one casting office anyhow — about once a month. for like a year! just my photo. two years later, I took a class with that casting director. upon entering the class, this person stopped talking to everyone who had shown up for the class and looked at me and then said “how do I know you!!??” — well…long story short, I was cast in my first network tv show and it was a highlight of my year (and my life). had I thought too much about doing things perfectly, or the fact that casting might laugh at my photo with hearts and stars stickers all over it sans resume, I might never have landed that tv show. thanks, Bob!

my concluding point here is that when we honor ourselves to the best of our ability and take risks, dreams can happen. if you don’t do it, someone else will. and you will watch someone else living out one of your (many – we all have many whether we recognize them or not, as recognizing them alone takes actual courage) dreams. today I am taking some chances with people who I think are maybe too important or successful to want to hear from me, because maybe I can’t offer them what they need or want right now. but you never know…it’s worked for me before. I recommend you try the same today!


how do you know when someone is lying to you? and here is my take on lying in general.

photo by Anita Saini

brace yourself. this isn’t a simple post.

all humans lie at one point or many in their lifetimes. lying can keep people alive in dangerous situations. it can also create illness (I’m sure you know the very true quote, “we’re only as sick as our secrets”), chaos, and very bad karma — not just for the person lying, but for the person being lied to…

I’m going to talk more so about the importance of understanding when you are being lied to, so that you do not take on the karma of the person lying or of the lie itself. because believe me when I say this: WE BECOME WHO WE SPEND TIME WITH. WE BECOME WHO WE TALK TO. WE BECOME WHATEVER WE EXPOSE OURSELVES TO.

I’m a very forgiving person. too forgiving, at times. when I was younger I forgave and forgot the most unthinkable acts, mostly because my life had depended upon that sort of thing from the beginning. it depended upon seeing something that was actually “up”, and/but having to convince myself to see it as “down” to suit the reality of those around me. I had to deny the truth of others, constantly, in order to stay alive. however, combined with that training, was my true nature, and an altogether paradox. my true nature was truth. that is not true for everyone. picture a spectrum (consider sexuality, or something else as an analogy for a spectrum) containing truth on one end and the absolute absence of truth (lies) on the other end. EACH OF US fall somewhere. we also have conscious liars, and unconscious liars — I’ll get into that sort of variety/combination/archetypal understanding in a bit…

the other thing is, we think according to our true nature. we don’t know how not to, no matter how old, grey and seasoned we become. it’s something I discuss with my therapist — we both are constantly bewildered (and fascinated) by liars and lying. anyhow, my true nature is to tell the truth. no matter what. some may say that this is a shitty survival skill. I disagree. when we live in a level of truth that is so strong, it is like light being stronger than the dark: it can not be broken. no matter how many times WE may have been broken. in order to live this way, we must also be strong. being broken a lot as a young person can lend itself to strength, and for that I am grateful. so the point of explaining this component, our true nature, is to say that the way people think of others initially (as in “all people lie” or “people generally always tell the truth, why wouldn’t they?”) is how THEY would think. for example: I want the best for everyone. I rarely if ever experience jealousy. I think everyone can be a champion. I want everyone to be happy. and I automatically ASSUME (even whilst my conscious self knows otherwise when given a moment or reason to truly pause), as is my intrinsic programming (not my external programming), that everyone else is wired that way. that they have my best interest at heart. that they don’t lie about things I wouldn’t lie about. of course, due to life experience which deeply contrasted my intrinsic nature, I’ve learned to balance the two elements…as best I can. hence this post.

I had this close friend once. she was always looking to scam people, but like “above board” scamming, if you can even picture that. I guess if you work in high end corporate sales you can probably picture it. anyway, she always made comments about people scamming other people, and that it was “how the world worked”. since I was friends with her from a very young age, I sort of let those things go, but I was always surprised by her comments and curious about her nature. over a nearly 20-year period of time, she learned to adapt to MY nature, and lessened some of her outward spoken (negative) views on the world. I also began to hear odd things through the grapevine, from mutual friends, that she had said to them about me. before I say what those things were, I will preface it with this. I am a person who is very content being alone. even in my teens and twenties I spent multiple year-plus clips not dating or being physical with anyone. I just figured, the Universe had a plan, I honored myself, and therefore it would all work out. I never sold my soul or forced anything. my friend, on the other hand, had a penchant for taken men (and free shit in general). it excited her to “conquer” someone else’s relationship. instead of that working out for her, it repeatedly backfired. it was an addiction. she was an addict. by the way, in case you don’t know, someone can be an addict without a substance. there are ALL kinds of ways addiction can be substituted when someone doesn’t want to work on themselves. active addicts (and just for the record, I think we each have the propensity to be addicted to SOMETHING – I was quoted in this fashion in a 2009 documentary on addiction, to boot – so please know I am not creating some addiction hierarchy here because I am not) don’t prefer therapists or therapy in general, because that would require a mirror. and so despite the fact that the above friend of mine began living in daily emotional peril because of her choices, she refused therapy. instead, she did other things to “make herself feel better”. some people just can’t be honest with themselves. she was/is one of them. she chose to live her life as a total front. she did her true business behind the scenes. some of her behind the scenes business also included those odd things that she said about me to mutual friends — what did she say? she decided to say that *I* was the one who lived with certain romantic and sexual behaviors (hers, projected onto me). one day I was chatting with a mutual friend of ours and I was casually saying how I was yet again in another 1.5 year stretch with no dating and no intimacy, and she looked at me matter-of-factly and said “oh well X said that’s a total lie…”, and then she went on to elaborate. I thought, what an odd thing for this friend of mine, the addict, to say. she knew full well it wasn’t the truth, she “KNEW ME”, I thought. at the time, I actually let it go. for years, even. maybe part of myself didn’t want to admit that she would say such a thing (and such an ODD thing), and maybe I didn’t find it to be a big deal or thought it was a misunderstanding. but as the pieces added up over time (so many pieces), the lies that she told and lived behind the scenes, well after I ended the friendship, I could go back in time and watch it all like a movie. not only did she project her own lies onto me, in my energy field, but her lies were BECOMING part of my field…and my karma. I’ll get to that part in a bit.

it turned out that as the years went by this friend became obsessed not only with taken men, married men, and men who were pure addicts to substances, but she lied to her own husband — who she ended up with out of fear (in her world, things needed to look a certain way on the surface, and being married by a certain time was one of those important fronts). her front was nearly flawless, and it was so important to her always to live a life that looked perfect on the outside. isn’t it funny how those are almost ALWAYS the people we end up reading about in the news regarding heinous crimes? it’s often less so the perceivably eccentric — the ones who DARE to live in truth — who have much to hide. it’s the “basic” housewife or the “basic” husband who no one ever suspected would commit xyz crime or lie. it’s also called sociopathy. clearly there are varying degrees of sociopathy. we live amongst MANY socios and do not even know it. and regarding my friend, aside from lying about her personal life, there were many other lies that began to come to light around finances, work, and more. it was amazing to me that I had been friends with this person for so long (then again, so were other “healthy” friends of mine – this is where I point out that sometimes you “just don’t know”), but I saw her goodness (not the rest) — in part, because I was still in trauma during the earliest stage of the friendship.

you see, when we have to “look away” from what a caregiver is doing in order to keep on livingbecause we need food/water/shelter — we adopt that behavior as truth and a core need (the looking away – and always running into the same until we go to therapy ourselves to work through it). ironically, simultaneously, and paradoxically, we also adopt an extreme intuition that sees truth. the two notions — the looking away, and the over-developed intuition — begin to collide at some point in our life, typically around mid-to-late 20s; after working with thousands of people, and working deeply through my own experiences, that is my professional and personal understanding. it is also important to note that the ego behavior that kept us safe AND the over-developed intuition will only collide in a HEALTHY way if we are willing to do the work on ourselves. some folks do stay in trauma their entire lives. even when they have the internal and external resources. it’s a tragedy. it’s also a choice. I see it constantly. anyhow, I was willing to do the work so that my past and my future could collide, and I could truly see the forest for the trees and then-some; and free myself of all that wasn’t true. as my personal collision occurred in terms of ego and intuition, what I began to see was that I had lived in the not so wonderful land of Oz my ENTIRE life. I looked at the people around me, and more than half of them were addicts (liars) in varying degrees.

let me also clarify another aspect of what an “addict” is, and I will be tying all of this back into the main point of what lying really is and how it affects us. an addict, regardless of substances used or not used, is someone who relies on other people’s energy fields [side note: addiction=lying. lying =addiction. remember that. regardless of whether someone uses a substance or not]. it is too daunting to look at their own (truth), so they constantly wear that (the energy) of others (a lie in both tangible and intangible action). now, this can actually work out well when properly expressed — for example, some of the best actors of our time are addicts. they have worked the program or their own path and come through successfully. they have effectively blended their conscious and unconscious minds, and it takes daily work to keep that in tact. I wrote a whole eBooklet about it 4 years ago. we have also seen examples of extremely talented actors who do not seem to “know” when they are lying, and a number of them have made headlines. this is a result of the conscious and unconscious minds staying forever separate, which IS a choice resulting from integrity or lack thereof — I’ll get to that later, how that blend or separation of conscious and unconscious works, REGARDLESS of trauma. when not dealt with properly, addicted addicts wear the actual ENERGY FIELD (you can feel and experience this on a physical level in your life) of their friends; they wear strangers’ energy (think of people who are celebrity culture obsessed — my friend by the way, was certainly one of those people), they wear their spouse’s energy, their kid’s energy (especially popular), and anyone’s field except for their own. it literally pains them to give to others.

as one example: an intrinsic and active addict (someone with no self) will get all of their “energy” from social media. before there was social media, there were of course other unhealthy things to “derive” energy from. someone who is not an intrinsic and active addict will actually feel DRAINED by social media — I am one of those people. on the other hand, an intrinsic and active addict would feel like they were dying if they were sent to a remote location with no wifi or gadget or person to distract them. it would be their worst fear to be away from people and things. because they would have to hear themselves think. and the thoughts would all be lies. they need to either put those lies somewhere, or to cover them (hide them) with someone else’s energy. someone who operates from their own core of truth would love nothing more than to spend alone time — to hear their own thoughts. I RELISH being alone, in the middle of nowhere, with no distractions. my closest friends feel the same way. I don’t use social media other than to have my business on the map, and I can’t imagine getting involved in people’s lives all day in that way. it feels like the ultimate torture. that’s because I don’t need to wear other energies: I’ve always had my own. I suppose I am “lucky” in that way; but I’ve also done and continue to do “the work”. there are different ways that addicts (again, this can mean any kind of addict) get their energy, and there is one main spore factor at the root of it: they lie to themselves. all day. so their (always temporary, and always borrowed or stolen by the way) “energy” may come from affairs; it may come from actual substances; or it may come from other addictions like molesting, pedophilia, sex, killing, or xyz other behavior. but at the end of the day, all such behaviors are designed to keep the addict from one thing: their truth.

there was a point in time for me during which I did not want to hear the truth about my life, and about what had happened in it. I was young, and I was in search of the truth, but not consciously so. my soul was aching for the truth about my early life — tapping HARD on my unconscious mind — since nothing around me was real or honest. when I started socializing more around age 15, I drank heavily. not frequently. but when I drank, it was as if I was “looking” for something. it was as if I would somehow “discover” something through that substance. I was never an alcoholic, but I came from an alcoholic (in EVERY way – not only including the substances) family. I tried to make myself an alcoholic through “diagnosis” (the thinking was, if I can fix myself, I can fix everyone around me) by going to 12-step meetings at AA. I discovered quickly that I was in fact not alcoholic in terms of the substance, and I was instead an ALANON person. I never felt compelled to drink, and if I was sad it would be the last thing I would do. that said, there was a paradox…my conscious mind was so programmed with deceit, that my unconscious mind wanted to uncover what that deceit was…therein my attracting a few friends and even a few partners who were either addicts, and/or definite liars. liars to themselves and liars to others. both consciously and unconsciously, which I will address later. so for me, going to a nightclub in some costume as some character from God-knows-where, was a journey for me in which “maybe” I would discover something — because in the land of uninhibited glory, and with the help of a drink or ten, my conscious and unconscious minds got closer and closer to meeting. I never touched a drug besides marijuana in my life. I never felt like I needed it – I felt wild and imaginative enough already. I also didn’t ever want to be out of control, I didn’t want that shit/chemicals in my body, and I certainly didn’t want to bypass my own spiritual path. at least I knew that. but when I would set out for a night on the town, it was like I was trying to DISCOVER something…each night I set out, from my late teens (I was always underage at bars and nightclubs) into my early 20s, my unconscious screamed at me to discover the “truth” through my fun adventures out. I also often went out ALONE — without friends. I enjoyed this to no end. I know that sounds odd. that said, I was unconsciously trying to become conscious through my own personal design of fun and “therapy” (music, dancing, alcohol). except I didn’t know WHAT I was looking for. I had never had a proper therapist, and almost everyone I could call an authority figure seemed to be neck deep in the lies that smothered me throughout my entire early life. my personal therapy formula of fun stopped working after a time, because I was tired of getting angry or sad at the end of a late night, or waking up hungover after said adventure. I said and did things I regretted during these years of my life (which is what ultimately provoked me to question whether I had a problem with alcohol). somehow, I have never had an issue with chemical addiction. I would call myself lucky, but all challenges are relative. I do consider myself extremely lucky, though, that I have never had an addiction to any “thing”. somehow the Universe was also always with me, because I never crossed the line of selling my soul like sleeping around for “comfort” or attention. but I acted like an asshole some of the time, and I had reached a point around 25/26 when I decided “this isn’t for me”. I never had to quit drinking, because the problem for me was not the substance — it was the unconscious truth that was crying out to be seen. to this day, after I decided “this isn’t for me, living this way”, I left my own fantasyland of music and nightlife the way it had been for me, and I decided to get serious and real about my life. this is when my friendships and relationships began to change. it is when I sought out therapy more seriously. it is when I also found that yes, I could go to dinner and have one glass of wine. or forget about drinking without even realizing it. I wasn’t addicted. so, what was I then? my heart and soul were searching for an alternate route to truth.

I’ll say it again: addiction is synonymous with lying. where you have a liar, you also have an addict (to SOME thing), and vice versa. and so it can all become very insidious, because there are tons of high-functioning liars out there. my friend was one of them. I was surrounded by them in my youth, projected upon daily, to the point in which I could not consciously know my own truth. and so I believed about mySELF what I saw in others: the opposite of what narcissists and socios do (they project onto YOU — I was taking the defects of others and making them MINE, in order to survive — a habit that continued for years). yes, it was the ultimate gaslighting experience. but beyond that, it was my true nature that was conflicting with my ability to see clearly — as in, I still didn’t believe that people could lie, just for the sake of it. now, had I lied? sure. many times about many things…except it was never just for the sake of it. it was either to save myself from actual physical or perceived imminent danger, or it was to impress someone when I was 15 about a crush. those kinds of lies. the kind you grow out of as an adult and don’t repeat again. to this day, I actually go through the list of lies I’ve told and analyze them, ask God for forgiveness and try to repent…because I was so AWARE of them when I told them. this is part of why I will discuss conscious lying and unconscious lying…the difference, the importance, the origin, and the combination of the two territories.

before I get into conscious versus unconscious lying in greater detail, I want to talk about how other people’s lies affect us. what happens when we are lied to, and it happens if 1) we believe the lie 2) we turn our head and pretend it’s not happening, and also if 3) we acknowledge it but keep forgiving and forgetting, is WE, TOO, BECOME THE KARMA OF THAT LIE. I’m not kidding. our energy field is AGREEING, on some level, to partake in this person’s lifestyle and lies. just as it agrees to anything that we put our time and attention toward. this is the danger of having habitual liars around you, or going against your own personal compass. watch what happens when you cut any liar, or several liars from your field (and I’ll go through examples of what that might actually look like so that the concept is not so broad) — your life will change. immediately. liars LOVE to surround themselves with good people. they seem to hide in them like the deep sea. what happens when one is a classic, addicted liar, is that they WEAR other energies to veil their lies. energy moves in and out of each of our personal fields – and we each have a sovereign, personal energy. and unless we can “see” it or measure it, we don’t know always what’s happening to it and/or why (this is why I write about things I can not find information on online). it’s why predators molest and get away with it for years: it’s not about the sexual aspect, it is about STEALING other people’s energy and wearing it to keep walking along unnoticed. by the way, check out Scott Peck’s book People Of The Lie — it just occurred to me to say that. also, another sidenote; a complete liar/socio that I dated at 25 borrowed that book from me…I will go into his nature later here as one of my examples of types of liars and how to spot them, but it never ceases to amaze me that he was actually that interested in his own makeup. in addition, check out the 20/20 ABC special that just aired about a “perfect” psychopathic father who was a fake doctor and lawyer and murdered his wife and other people as well. it will show you how “normal” people can appear on the surface, but how eventually their ball of yarn totally unravels when there isn’t enough light (people) left for them to hide behind.

of course there are varying degrees of liars. and it is up to each of us as to what and how much we are willing to accept, given this truth versus lies spectrum and mosaic of reality. I’ve reached a point in which I’m not able to accept much, but I’m also not stupid; I recognize how rare it is to find a pure breed, and so I have to balance my life accordingly and understand that I can’t make things black and white. if someone has/had streaks of dark energy within them, but they are actively working on themselves and the exchange between them and myself is balanced, I will keep it and at an arm’s length for specific reasons — because I have to actually function in society. as another example, I’ve had friends who have done things that are not above board for me, and I’ve told them that their behaviors do not match what I want in my life. because their shit karma WILL show up in my life if things stay the same (i.e. they keep making the same bad decisions, all the while hiding in my energy field, using me as a shield, so that they don’t need to do the work to solve the actual problem). I’ve given such friends who have indeed crossed my path ample notice and TIME to sort through their issues, which conflict with my own moral compass or personal integrity. I won’t throw anyone out overnight, and I certainly won’t judge – yet I will ultimately discern. I have discovered in some cases that  it was more important to certain people to keep doing what they were doing (fill in the blank here with the word addiction), but instead lie to me about it so that they could keep me in their life. this creates total energetic imbalance and disharmony. and the thing is, I live a certain way — and when something doesn’t line up with that, I will find out. whether I am looking to find out or not. and a person is often so “surprised” if/when I have left the building – or rather taken my energy back, which was going into the black hole of their lie/karma. it is as if I wasn’t completely upfront about what does and does not work for me. I was upfront. I am always upfront. here are a few clues/things that happen for ME, when I am “friends” or in contact with someone who is lying about something I consider to be a personal non-negotiable…

the first thing that will happen is my sinuses will become clogged. this is my third eye being blocked. I am being blocked from seeing something. it doesn’t have to turn into a full sinus infection, but I will notice that my eyes or ears/nose/throat are being affected. this has gone on for weeks or months, in some instances. the next thing that will happen — and this is a LOUD one for me — is my sleep will be totally disturbed. I won’t know why. there will be, on the surface, nothing “wrong” in my life. I will be mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically in great shape, yet my sleep will be disturbed. in addition, I will have very symbolic dreams. this will all become uncomfortable, because there is something deep inside of me (just like in my late teens and early 20s party days) that doesn’t want to have to see the truth of and part ways with yet another liar. but for me, it gets to the point in which my health suffers because the Universe does not want that person in my life, as they are, any longer. it wants me to learn and gain from the lesson and move forward. and in every one of these cases, I have been unconditional, non-judgemental, and extremely understanding – literally to the point in which someone can tell me about anything and I won’t judge – but if that person has decided to “pretend fix” their bad deeds so that they can stay in my life and hide in my light, it is a WRAP. this doesn’t work, by the way, for anyone — keeping an active liar in their life on a close or interpersonal level. and so then, after I get enough “clues” as described above (sinuses, dreams, etc), seemingly “random” and synchronistic evidence falls into my lap that proves yes, indeed, this person is lying to me. not just to themselves, and to others, but to me — the person who was totally unconditional to them (which perhaps was a test of their own fate). it is at this point in such a dynamic that I realize and SEE the damage done/being done to my field, and how I have actually begun to take on their KARMA…

when we lie, consciously or unconsciously, to ourselves or others, we create something called STAGNATION. when my life begins to stagnate, out of nowhere, I know something is wrong. because I work on myself around the clock to live the best (inner) life possible. some days I struggle to go to a certain place because of an old, untrue scary belief that I believe about myself, such as that I am not good enough (you might be surprised about what actually scares me). I might work on that belief for days, weeks, months or years, and I count such work in the context of explaining exactly “how” I “work on myself”: each time my life stagnates, I go within, first, of course. I ramp up therapy (no, this does not include “psychic readings” – please spare yourself as well), I try to improve myself in all kinds of ways, I meditate and work out more, etc. I make a list of my thoughts, feelings, words and actions to see whether they align or not (my personal definition of alignment by the way). and it is with great sadness, almost every time after all of this personal work, that I find I have invited in a lie (the carrier pigeon being a person in my life who is not being honest with me/and/or themselves). now again, I’m not judging the lie itself or why it occurred, but I will list the non-negotiables for me that actually end up stagnating me when I am in a close relationship with someone committed to living said lies: 1) extramarital affairs. sorry, but if that is your jam, work through it alone. I don’t want that energy in my life. it’s never been my jam, and I’m not here to judge you either, but if this is what excites you and you pretend after a period of time you are no longer doing it JUST so that you can stay in my life, and especially after I have heard you out with compassion, you are mistaken. 2) secretiveness (you can always find lies within a secretive person, because it suggests hidden agenda). I am as open as they come. here in my blog, but also and ESPECIALLY in my friendships. if I am *always* the one doing the sharing, and you have little or nothing to share back, you are being secretive. this is not a balanced friendship and I am exhausting my energy into a black hole of something I can not see. 3) withholding information. if you are withholding information from me, you are lying to me. it means you don’t trust others because you yourself can not be trusted. and that may work for you in other friendships, and again I won’t judge it, it’s just that it’s not what I do and I expect/need the same in return in order to have balance in my life. again, truly no judgment: to each their own. I’m just saying what doesn’t work for ME. and it’s amazing to me how often people who withhold information (again — ask yourself WHY someone does this) want to stay in my life without returning the energetic exchange that I would otherwise offer. I’m not interested in wallflower relationships — I prefer a person. also, I will note: where there is fog and confusion, there is deceit…always.

speaking of deceit. the guy I spoke of earlier who I dated at 25 was not a substance addict. he was, rather, addicted to things and people. and definitely to lying. he was a Scott Peterson type. the kind everyone thought was the nicest guy in town. I found myself dating him around the same time I moved back to my home town, back to the meridian line territory in which nothing was ever true and so I had to literally develop a second language of intuition to know the truth. it was also this age (25), as I referenced above, that I began to see the forest for the trees. it’s the age that our brain stops developing, and the unconscious and conscious pieces meet, IF we operate from integrity (more on that shortly, I promise – I think it’s [INTEGRITY] a key component in understanding what drives different types of liars and lying itself). this guy was one for the books. he believed his lies. if I saw him on the news now for killing someone, I would not be surprised. what you have to understand about liars and addicts is that they are everywhere, and in every shape, form and degree. I am trying to give some of you good and honest-natured people some clues here, if this resonates, to rethink certain relationships in your life. even if the people are not serial killers. even if they are nice, kind, well-meaning people — often that is NOT enough. I’ll go back into explaining more of why (how we will actually wear that karma), in a bit. so long story short about this guy, he put my life on hold. I told him upfront that if he ever wanted to see other people to please let me know. he agreed as if it was no issue, like he was the most monogamous person on the planet. then the addict stuff started to surface. confusion. not returning my calls for a day or two after we had been speaking and seeing each other every day. explaining long absences with odd excuses. it was what I was SO accustomed to, lying-wise, growing up, so part of me didn’t question it. but the bubbling intuition that I was trying so hard to exercise from within my core all those nights of partying in my youth wanted to be heard. things didn’t sit right, and for the very first time in my life, I began to get extremely ANGRY — and with him. this is another key point/clue: when you are angry with someone, and you don’t know why, because they appear SO NICE, you are likely dealing with a LIAR/addict. this guy was a classic case. well, as is often the case with me, I “happened” upon the truth. I wasn’t sleeping well, my sinuses were bothering me, and I found it difficult to be present-tense. I “knew”, without knowing what, that something was off, but he made me feel crazy. he went to absurd lengths to gaslight me, when it would have been so much easier for both of us to just say the truth. but he was a socio, and socios get off on lying and having people believe those lies. I came into evidence in the most bizarre way, that this guy had like 5 other girlfriends. he was a sex addict, and he was never alone. that, of course, was the end of that. he had never been caught before. and I doubt he got caught again, because he was such a skilled liar — but I’m certain he never changed. he moved out west and married some girl shortly thereafter, and continued his ways. I learned from him, how incredibly skilled some people are at lying to get what they want. my life stagnated the entire time I dated him, which thankfully lasted only 9 months. most important to me to realize, was that/HOW I was bringing in HIS karma to MY life. simply by dating him, I was actually participating in his lies because I unconsciously could not or did not want to see the truth (having been forced to survive upon lie after lie as a child), even though I fought and tried with all of my might to see it. when he was cut out of my life, it BEGAN. literally.

by cutting this socio type out at 25, I began to resolve the karma that I had been absorbing…which had resulted in extreme stagnation for me. stagnationdifferent than the type that I wrote about in this post — is often the byproduct of absorbing SOMEONE ELSE’S KARMA. other byproducts include waning inspiration, fatigue, anxiety or depression that does not feel like your own (or has no true source — after you have taken full inventory of your life in every way possible), and overall fog — all of which bleed into stagnation. now, one might ask, “how could God or the Universe be so cruel?”…to which I say, it is not cruel…it is honest. if we are HONEST with ourselves, and that includes uncovering truth in ALL areas of our life, we dissolve our own karma and do not take on that of others. sometimes God/the Universe is testing our intuition, so that we may leave behind cancerous people and situations in order to move to where we are SUPPOSED to be (for more on that, feel free to read my multiple posts on rejection). we can’t combine two opposing forces in our life and land where we are supposed to be. so, if we are stagnated, it is always because we are lying to our self on some level. this includes, but is not limited to, taking on someone else’s karma by somehow “participating” in their lies. it’s all one big, fascinating picture. I know “talented” people who will never make it: because they lie to themselves. they have liars all around them. they are confused on both conscious and unconscious levels. their karma in this lifetime is screwed until they get clean. until they are no longer addicted.

the friend I spoke of at the beginning of this post — well, there was a similar byproduct from the ending of that relationship as there was from the ex-boyfriend example I shared. once I cut her out: my life BEGAN — in very new ways. it is unmistakable how much it “began”. and, being away from this particular chronic liar and addict, I began to see and learn of even more lies she told. my life catapulted once again, thanks to her absence, as I had been creating karma for myself/absorbing her karma by giving to that relationship on any level. to this day, what is most interesting to me is that I feel no anger or hate toward her. in fact, I actually never have…with her. I also don’t end relationships when I feel angry — it’s the worst time to end them…as they will only repeat, but with new people. I end a relationship once something inside of me has officially been “broken”, and when I have a comprehensive view and understanding of the entire picture/relationship. I do feel anger and hate at times toward others who have violated me and taken from me, and who I needed to actually run from, but not her. and believe me when I tell you, aside from making up lies about me that were really about herself, she chased nearly every man who came my way — and secretly dated my ex behind my back but also right in front of my face, claiming they were “just friends”. she is the one person I just don’t feel emotional about. it’s weird. I think that I consider her a gift from the Universe, a closed chapter, perhaps, in terms of understanding more clearly and over such a long period of time how addiction/psychopathy functions.

everything that we agree to — whether consciously or unconsciously — we become (at least for a period of time). this means, if we have friends, employees or associates who lie (and again, it’s up to each of us to determine what level of lying we will allow, since it IS human nature to lie) — we become their karma. I knew someone in the “healing” community who lies. all of the time. they wear other people’s energy for a living. when I left their life, the same thing happened as in the above cases: my life “began”. I was completely unconscious as to their lies, and I was therefore participating in them on that level. my entire life upleveled again when I disconnected from this person. and I had to remind myself yet again: people can hide. look at the facts. what are the facts in determining whether someone is a liar, aside from the intuitive clues I have listed? the facts can be: *how does someone actually spend their time? *what are their interests? *do they enjoy gossip and control fantasy? *are they EVER alone (regardless of having a family or not)? *are they ALWAYS online? *are they ALWAYS occupied? *do they EVER share intimate details of their lives, or do they only want to hear yours/others’? if they can’t trust you, you can’t trust them. ask yourself each of the above questions, and find definitive answers to each. start piecing together who someone actually is. then, like the examples I gave of my own intuitive “clues” I receive, find out what yours are. there may not be any like the ones I listed, which is fine — I have a lot of great friends who do not consider themselves intuitive or have physical symptoms like mine. BUT, they have their own. find out what yours are. you have them.

when we become truly conscious of something, we are given the absolute responsibility to take action around it. however when we are still unconscious (in trauma, suffering) about a particular person or situation, the Universe is less harsh…we may have issues sleeping etc, or our life may stagnate a bit, as I noted before, to wake us up…but we all know what it means to become fully aware/CONSCIOUS of another person’s truth (or lack thereof) either because we discovered it concretely or because they shared it with us (often expecting us to be “unconditional” or lying to us about it to keep us around). after this consciousness appears, it is our greatest responsibility to determine whether/how we continue placing our energy in that person/situation or not. there are different rules of relativity according to our OWN INTERNAL MORAL COMPASS. what is right for me may not be right for someone else and vice versa — and this is why I never judge. I just know what is right for me, and I say it. sometimes it lines up with the other person who says “you know, you’re right, this doesn’t work for me either…I’ll be honest about this with myself and with you”. but when someone is an addict, you will never get the full story…and they will find ways to get you to question your own reality and why you disconnected from them in the first place (aka “leaving Oz”).

to be brief and hopefully concise (this is not an easy one) about conscious versus unconscious lying: we are all born CONSCIOUS beings. consciousness is not something that is gained, or learned, but rather something that is present at birth. but it can wane. what happens after birth moves that consciousness, or rather TRUTH, into other parts of the mind in order to survive. this is a combo of BOTH internal and external factors. external: if we have a healthy home environment, we have a better chance at living consciously. if we don’t have a healthy home life, it can be harder and take longer to become conscious because we are surviving on terrible but life-affirming modes. internal (THE MOST IMPORTANT): but also if we have a healthy home environment, there is something that comes from someone’s intrinsic core (on the spectrum of light and dark — and any person can fall anywhere on that spectrum, we are NOT all equal energetically) that DECIDES to evade consciousness. this, is actually a conscious choice! and it is in the realm of said conscious decision-making that we may discover who is “light”, and who is “dark”. not an easy one. this choice, I feel, happens in an instant, and is reflective/comes from someone’s TRUE NATURE (NOT CIRCUMSTANCES). consciousness and unconsciousness become ONE, in the dark for some people. they actually choose a side. because in a way, it has already been chosen for them (this is a whole other, complicated subject reserved for another post). therein lies the theory of light versus dark. for example if we do not have a healthy home environment, or let’s even say it was torturous, there can also be something that comes from someone’s intrinsic (light) core that DECIDES to PURSUE consciousness (versus evade it and work in the dark). take the notion of the external and the internal, and mix and match them in different ways and to varying degrees…we are not only our experiences. we are more so, what we were born to be…and in this way, ultimately in life, we experience WHAT WE ARE, not WHERE WE CAME FROM…

lying is in place because we refuse to connect to our core, be alone, and be honest with ourselves and the world on the deepest of levels. usually, in its greatest contrast, this rectifies itself in young adulthood. when it doesn’t (and given what I shared in the above paragraph), lying can become like air to breathe for a person. we also, in effect, become either 1 of 3 things: 1) consciously AND unconsciously dishonest (aka sociopathic, psychopathic, incredibly addicted) 2) consciously honest and unconsciously dishonest (this can be remedied via therapy etc) 3) consciously AND unconsciously honest (the ultimate goal and sometimes success story of a person who comes from light, not dark).

we first attract what we have experienced in life, and THEN we attract what we ARE. if someone is an inherent/intrinsic liar/addict from the onset (day one), typically their life isn’t too terrible early on. they learn how to manipulate people around them, and are rarely subject to being lied to themselves because they are the puppeteers. and yes, people can be made this way absolutely despite a good or not so good family. it’s called contrast, energetic contrast, and we are each created differently energetically to learn and grow from this contrast. this notion is tied to human evolution and the oh so trendy “ego death” that so many people are rambling about because they read about it somewhere one time, not actually understanding what they are saying. do not assume everyone comes from good, because they do not. people who have gotten away with murder (either literally or metaphorically) their entire lives often end up meeting their makers around mid to later life, because the lies can not sustain: in other words, there is no longer enough truth aka other people’s energy to wear. and as our planet evolves and those of us who come from light become more conscious, more lying and deceit is revealed. those of us who come from light often find that our lives become easier as we get OLDER, versus when we were younger.

it is important to remember that just like someone can walk into your house, take your clothes and wear them and walk out, that people do this on a daily basis by lying and engaging with your energy field. when we recognize and pull away from those dynamics, people who come from the spore of a lie begin to unravel. it may take a while or it may be immediate, but they almost always become revealed. what I see and have written about is that it (karma) is now very often immediate. see my eBooklet 4 for more on that. just because we can’t “see” it, doesn’t mean it isn’t there. that is a quote that is part of my TEM® program description, and it’s true. I’ve learned the hard way. but I am grateful for it. it’s given me a strength to see that which is not part of my core: lack of truth. that, combined with my early life, was once a recipe for disaster. now, it is a recipe for success.

cutting out anything that does not resonate with truth, and I don’t care how small it is, will totally change your life. be careful who you give your energy to, on what level, and most importantly WHY; if we have learned anything from sociopaths it is that they can be the father of the year, the beautiful PTA mom, the lead homicide detective, and so on. in order to understand what truly lies beneath, we need to know our SELF, our own CUES that someone is lying to us (as I described mine here), and we need to decide on what level we are willing to engage with someone who lives in any kind of lie. in my personal life, I always give someone a heads-up before they are moved to the side. and it astounds me that nearly each time I have moved someone to the side, they have acted as though they have “no idea” why. this is the hallmark of a sociopathic or unconscious person: their particular commitment to either truth or to deceit.

we learn as we go. I hope this sheds some light, from my personal experiences, toward what may resonate for those of you interested in cutting necessary ties and moving forward in life. it is from great truth and sincerity that I will say it again: we get what we focus on. it literally shows up in our life. who and what and how, exactly, are you focused on? you may be surprised as to what that is bringing into your life. 


intensive super luxury sessions only, and other general updates

photo by Anita Saini

last year I took a very long hiatus from session work in general. I always give updates in my blog as to my status, as it pertains to things such as 1) remote sessions for past patients 2) former patient pop up sessions 3) new patient pop up sessions and so forth. right now, I will only book SLS work after June. that said, if you *follow protocol* – which means, you read the books, the blog, and you call for yourself not a 3rd party, please feel free to leave a voicemail between now and the end of this month for traditional session requests.

as I state repeatedly throughout my blog/site, I do not consciously “choose” these sessions — they happen, divinely, or they do not happen. if I really wanted to, or if I were a hack, I would work every day all day and be a cash cow. I just can not work when I “want to”, and I have explained many times over how that has caused quite the predicament for me at times — running 3 businesses alone (no investors, no hand-outs, no back-up) with a strong legal team and all of the fixings that a proper business has. I have thought, probably too often, whether my business flow (yes, there is always demand, but it has to be the “right” demand – if this makes sense to you, keep reading. if it doesn’t, hop elsewhere) had anything to do with some unconscious process or old trauma I was in…in terms of me saying no to extremely popular press, or turning down “huge” work opportunities only to struggle at times to pay the most basic bills. the answers, after (again, probably too much) self-introspection and regular top tier clinical therapy, are no…my work just is what it is. my clinical psychotherapist who is a renowned neuroscientist and a very brilliant man, calls what I “have” a “phenomena” (a founding father of many studies, he has been studying it in labs and so forth for several decades). well, this so-called phenomena is real, it’s not a joke, it’s not a trend, and if you can tell by the somewhat sassy slash strong tone of this blog post update, it’s not fun to have. what I DO love about it is that I get to truly help people — that is, people who WANT to be helped. yes, I have attracted a number of people who absolutely did not want to be helped. any healer, doctor, or helper of any variety has seen those folks. it takes time to “feel” the signals before you even meet them, to weed them out. it’s the same with people who lie. it can just take time to spot. that said, the folks who really did and do want help, that’s where my energetic investment is. and let me say something about that…

there is absolutely no price on peace and wellness. when I get “hit over the head” by some unknown force for days at a time, I know all too well “oh, a session is coming”. what does this mean? it means that I have not checked my voicemail for a few days, maybe even a week or two, because I was working with another individual or because I could not even handle the energy of listening to voicemails and picking up all that comes with listening to them (and the point there, is that we do not know what we do not know about energy…if you really knew how it traveled, what it looked like and what the end results were, you may never leave the house again). so, when I get “hit” — especially like I did this week, which was one for the books — I know someone is “coming”. this can mean a random synchronicity in which someone stumbled upon my site the night before calling, frantically read my pre req books and entire blog, and “knew” they needed to see me…what happened prior to that is the “phenomena”…our fields were meeting before we “spoke”. I won’t say more about it — considering first of all the number of hacks out there attempting to rip off my words and concepts, now that it is “cool” to be a healer or dare I say the word psychic — other than the fact that a session begins before I even call someone. often the phone number itself will tell me everything I need to know (nope, I’m not any sort of schizotypal – this is real, and with some “luck” will be doing some studies on it with people far more credible in the clinical world that I am) without even speaking with the person. I will know “this is the one”. again, this is not about someone being better or worse than another person in terms of calling them — especially considering I know nothing about them –, it’s about divine timing and alignment. this, in a nutshell, is how my business is driven. and I’ve said it before, and I will say it again: I don’t care who you are, how famous you are, how important you are, how much money you have, how nice you are, etc — I do not want to know anything about you prior to or during your call, and any earthly logistics will not sway my decision to working with someone. if this were logistics only, I would be booked to high heaven every day for the rest of my life. and I would probably die on day 5.

I am aware of the fact that I am in a bit of a sass mood at the moment and it’s probably coming through here (for those of you who know me, anyway), but it is really important for me to get this out and explain it for those who get it – both past and present. there is a sensitivity that lives in me that I have not found with another person. I often wish it were not so, as I am not trying to be different or better or special — all I have ever wanted is to live like a normal person. being made this way is something I could only endeavor to show through a creative lens — which is why much of my focus is going back to film and television. that is the second part of my focus shift, very much alongside my TEM® and PE™ initiatives/services (which can much more easily incorporate media since I will not allow it with my private one on one session work — and yes, I have gotten all of the reality TV show phone calls out there. thanks but no thanks). it is time to change the channel and show more than tell. it’s not something that could have happened overnight, and again it has to be “right”. with the right people. I’ve spent a lifetime weeding out the wrong people. I don’t come from a place where compulsive lying or jealousy exists — I do not get it. I’ve had to learn how that is an actual “thing” for many people. I’ve questioned, many times, especially in therapy, how growing up around crazy people handicapped me — and after thousands of meetings with different individuals and many clinical individuals, I am almost relieved to understand that it’s not so much/entirely my past that creeps in…rather it’s more of who I am — my absolute core — as a person, that doesn’t necessarily fit with seemingly mainstream tolerance for low morale. I am solely seeking those who resonate with the notions I describe, and I have been SO BLESSED the last month or two IN PARTICULAR, to attract only that. the reason that I am flipping over to solely SLS work at this time is because 1) I run 3 businesses and I would like to keep them running and I need the work and 2) working with 1 person at a time versus 3 or 4 is much less heavy on my energy field and 3) giving someone undivided focus for a month and a half is a real win for them and 4) I will have a bit more free time to focus on my other initiatives. and yes, my hourly fee is actually normal — I just do not do one two three etc hour sessions. in addition, you can not quantify my work in an hourly fashion, despite my doing so for quantifiable work only (my in person, phone and email time) for invoices and businesses that request such. so, if you have been reading along in this here blog, I’ve had lots of interesting twists and turns over the last 2 years in particular, all of which have brought me to this new point and energy, which I must say feels fantastic.

here is the run-down for anyone connected to me at the moment from the past, and I will reiterate the run-down for those potentially connected to me in the future: last December I offered remote sessions for former patients at a holiday rate. those (already purchased) may be used at any point until the end of this year 2019. that’s 1. 2, is this – if you are a former patient of mine and you want ANY kind of service, June is likely the month to schedule it. I do have some press coming up and my fear is that everyone will be suddenly “interested” when it feels appealing to be interested — please consider this now, before that happens. I likely won’t have time for the same things again. what I offer to former patients is occasional house-call pop up sessions or destination sessions, and remote sessions. if/when you book, we can discuss an appropriate timeline/schedule (as in, you can keep one in your “back pocket” for a period of time), so don’t worry. I always want to support and cater, to the best of my ability, to those I’ve already worked with. also, I am SO GRATEFUL for the amazing people I have worked with, all of you are along for a ride, if you can be patient and see what is around the bend. finally, 3 – the main point of this blog post. until the end of this month, I will accept traditional session inquiries. I am no longer doing any pop ups for new patients. those are over. the traditional session mimics a SLS, you have your private space for the night, and it encompasses many hours of work. if you ask me to get it beneath a certain amount of time, it won’t happen. you wouldn’t realize why until after we met. it is like opening pandora’s box, and I won’t work with a feeling of a lack of completion. now, there have been a couple of very rare unicorns who have done pop ups and gotten EXACTLY what they needed. in fact, almost every pop up session, that has occurred. but it still runs over a week, there is still “I want to know more” that follows one, and pop ups are not going to fit into my schedule coming up so I have to nix them. but again…I am SO grateful for those of you I have done either pop up or abbreviated work with. you know exactly who you are! and for folks from the past, yes, the pop up work is still available for you pending my availability to do so. so, that leaves us with SLS. “how can anyone afford that, Elaine!!!?” — yes, you would be surprised who has said that to me. well, guess what? people afford it. if I can afford to share a month and a half of my life and energy field and expertise with someone, and they can afford to cram 60 or so hours of clinical therapy or other consulting work into a month and a half with me, then we can both afford it. also, I’ve learned, resources are everywhere. often in the strangest places. don’t judge the people who write my reviews or appear in videos (more to come, by the way!) in terms of them having or not having 5 figures to spend. you never know someone else’s way of living and how or why. and, not that I have ever needed to defend my fees, but I have a rather regular fee per hour. I’ve also learned (both the hard way and not the hard way) that I do something almost no one (as far as I know, and as far as the folks I see know — and believe me, they have looked) else does — that counts for something. someone’s very life force counts for something. so yes, you would be surprised as to who shells out the big bucks for genuine, legitimate consulting and healing work. I’m not doing what every other person out there claims to do, and if I could reverse my “phenomena” I actually would. I can’t.

both personally and professionally over the past year in particular, I have learned my value. part of the sass in this post lends itself to that. because here is the thing. when you have a valuable person, and they don’t KNOW they are valuable (child abuse, something else, etc), it’s like candy for those around them (those without a lot of integrity). that valuable person will get eaten and eaten, but eventually their value OBVIOUSLY lends itself to their intrinsic consciousness and they begin to wake up…albeit if slowly. be careful with valuable people — one day, they might find out and own their value. this is always fascinating to me, to watch people of value wake up and change their lives simply through their own consciousness (and without any action at all, other than the act of realization). when we learn our value, we stop letting other people take things from us. I stopped a lot of things. I used to want to “take people with me” in the “healing” or “metaphysical” worlds, because I love/d seeing others in joy. then I realized that I was usually alone in that sense — a lot of people want to be the “best”…they are not interested in truth. most people live in their heads, not their hearts — and they will tell you all day until they are blue in the face how they live “authentic” lives. it’s so incredible to observe. and so I learned to stop running around puffing wind in everyone’s sails, just because it made me happy to see them happy — I learned that not everyone was like me. and this may sound naive, and perhaps I am naive in some senses, but it’s my truth. and the thing again with value is, it doesn’t stay hidden forever…because value is akin to truth. truth is akin to power. the opposite of that is force, and we all know what that does. ultimately force is revealed — without power having to flex even a finger. and so I’ve learned that I don’t have to help everyone, I don’t need a neon sign on my door that lets anyone in just to be a cash cow, and I can and must protect my own God-given “phenomena” slash gifts, if you will. I keep my blog open and free, and many of the posts I will start closing off for a nominal fee starting soon. I don’t have to give everything away, though I really do want people who will never see me to benefit from what is there pro bono.

recently I had a tarot reading with my favorite lady; she’s hidden, won’t advertise, not into being a “show”, and does serious crime work with pd. she told me “honey, you can make money by having fun…that’s what the cards are telling me you need to do right now”…and I know this. but ever since I was little, I did not amount to anything unless I was problem solving, saving, being used as a shield or a whipping post or a blame, being responsible for others mentally spiritually emotionally and physically, etc. I am still learning that I am enough without being all of those things. my very birth and existence catered itself around learning an overdeveloped “second language” of intuition to survive absolutely ridiculous and toxic environments. and so here we have the “phenomena”.

having fun to me means creating…my love for helping others, whether it was an intrinsic survival skill or not, will never die. but there are new ways to do it, ways that don’t cause me to settle in life, ways that kill two birds with one stone. like everyone else, I want to be comfortable, I want to live in joy, and I don’t want to subscribe to the theory that I have to suffer in order to live well. knowing this consciously is great — very few of us know it otherwise.

long-winded post summary: new changes are coming for me, and I’m wrapping up a cycle this fine month of June. you know what to do if you made it through reading this. my life is changing again. if I offered you a remote or a favor or hand out a long time ago, please don’t reach out in 6 months or a year asking for it, unless you purchased it in December when I offered remotes. please respect the fact that for ANY intuitive, there must be an “end” time to each session — even if two parties are not corresponding via email or phone. there is ALWAYS an unconscious exchange happening and it should be respected. even my numerologist has an end time on his readings at which point the follow up call will expire and there will not be another option for one. it’s a relief to see someone else with a similar field resonance as mine. we can only pull others’ energy along for so long before it weighs on us and affects our health, and I have certainly already been down that road. I feel like these are very basic human respect elements, though some folks do not see healers/helpers in that light. it’s time to (relatively speaking, of course) understand this and treat this work like any other consulting business out there. I hope that my personal shares resonate with those of you out there who I know (I know those of you who will really get this), and those of you whom I don’t know but whom connect on a level beyond logic. that level is real. it’s being studied. we are a long way from dissecting and explaining it, but that is a huge huge mission of mine in this life. and the tangibles of it will come. maybe not while I’m still young and fluffy, maybe when I’m grey, but mark my words when I say: it/they will come. one day we will understand things we never thought existed in the first place.

I look forward to my closing sessions as well as future SLS work! and I definitely look forward to seeing those of you from the past for remote work and pop up work. and finally, I look forward to connecting with all of you in a way that I haven’t done before…you’ll see what I mean, one day!


free will, destiny, and surrender in the face of “stagnation”

photo by Anita Saini

we have all gone through periods of time during which it seemed we could not be more STUCK. perhaps we asked ourselves, “what more can I possibly do to shift this? why won’t it shift?” – or, perhaps we took no action at all, still hoping that the stagnation would shift. the point of this article is, how do we know when we have done “enough” – and we should sit back and let “destiny” take its course, versus when we really need to bust some logistical (and otherwise) moves? and how does the notion of surrender factor into this?

for starters, it is important to understand that we each have particular LIFE CYCLES. in my mind’s eye and in my experience both personally and professionally, life cycles run in many different circles and many different categories in life, and all pointing to a much larger and more “big picture” circle that correlates to destiny — and these cycles as well as the larger cycle (aka a destiny point on the octagon) are SO DIFFERENT and nuanced for each of us. this is why it can be a challenge to get proper or helpful advice from others…not only will one typically look (unwittingly) narrowly through their own lens or through a lens of clinical data (because really, how many practically intuitive, sane, and wholistic guides are out there?), but the understanding of something like destiny in more structured settings (therapy, particular healing, etc) is just not “there” yet. in addition, things like “psychic readings” will likely only cause more confusion during this sort of time (a stagnant life cycle germane to either free will or destiny or both); the reason being, if we are in a pivotal point of decision-making, our higher self will be both tested and required to trust itself. psychic readings are the opposite of trusting one’s self — unless, of course, TOTAL non-attachment is applied to them. and then, really what is the point?

the thing is, when we are in a period of profound stagnation and it is a result of divine will (specifically directed by our higher self and higher order in general), we are essentially not allowed to “change” or stop it. this is very different from being lazy. I have had plenty of lazy friends and acquaintances in my life. the ones who expect the world to bend to them because they got out of bed that day and breathed. and many of those people will ALWAYS be that way — waiting for your come-up so that you can owe them something. yes. anyhow, when we are “not allowed” to stop a particular cycle, because that cycle is essential to our soul’s growth, we will duly note the pain of this process. this may happen during or not during a dark night of the soul. and before you assume you have been in a dark night of the soul since it is a suddenly trendy topic, I suggest sincerely understanding what one is. there is very old scripture about it. and if you are in one, you do not know you are in one – until perhaps at the very end of one or years later. so, where is the middle ground? what can we do with these different life cycles, as they pertain to various over-arching cycles such as dark nights or not dark nights? it is within the container/purpose of said over-arching cycle that we might begin to understand it and what to “do” or NOT “do” about it. one might even consider this over-arching cycle an example of the actual CONTAINER of a dark night of the soul, if that is not too confusing to imagine. in other words, cycles are the structure, and the nuanced (emotionally and otherwise) aspects that come from them are the described experience within that structure.

I have covered, in other posts, what to “do” when one is in a dark night of the soul or a similar process. but, what if you are not in a dark night? what if a particular cycle is SO ongoing — encompassing random or several different over-arching cycles, INCLUDING dark nights of the soul — that you truly can not decipher it? well, the first part of understanding and therefore potentially surrendering to an ongoing and unpreferred life cycle is to know that these circles of life truly exist with or without your action. similar to a dark night of the soul, but different in that cycles are containers first and experiences second. a dark night of the soul is an experience. a cycle is destined and part of your destiny. you might consider, as a metaphor, astrology or numerology, though I am not referring specifically to either of those — because what I see are imminent periods during which we can do whatever we like, but the periods remain…often, surprisingly, to halt us as it will relate to our life’s purpose.

it’s ALMOST like the weather (only metaphorically, in terms of how to navigate — the climate can change, whereas I am suggesting that a life cycle can not because it is actually set at birth) – we know it is raining, and then we decide what to do within that climate. we don’t try to stop the rain, we just adjust. a life cycle that is destined for us will not budge, no matter what we do – just like the rain IN THAT MOMENT OF IT. and free will can only determine our experience within that cycle, not the cycle itself. if we do not focus on stopping the rain, but rather upon the experience of the rain itself, we ease some present-tense confusion and suffering. the reason that the metaphoric rain would not stop is often in order to slow down how your purpose will affect many other people. let’s say you are destined to affect a few many, or a great many — either way, your impact will effectively “bring others with you”, since we are connected to the collective. every thing we do or say impacts the collective in ways we could never fully understand. that said, what if that record you are making has to be ruined 5x over before destiny hits and you are able to release it to millions of people, because the impact of such is designed to move others forward in some way and they have to be READY in order to move? or, what if that baby you are supposed to have is supposed to wait to arrive at a very particular time because s/he is coming to completely impact several lives that will then be altered and affect many others? what if we were to understand that the rain, in place to stop or slow us down for a period of time, was truly divine plan and in favor of divine order? nothing can fight divine order, by the way… this is also to say that not all cycles are dark nights or intended to be perceived as such. but, it doesn’t mean that the stagnation is not excruciating. the first way to understand this without going mental is to consider divine order and destiny. it will call for our soul and mind to connect in a new way in order for us to do this. aka soul’s growth. aka surrender and well as established FAITH. these core elements may actually be required of us, particularly if we are “doers”…chances are, our life and everything that happens in it will affect so many people even if we don’t know how. and because we live in a still partial 3d linear world, we are coordinated with other PEOPLE and their cycles.

look to examples or experiences of others. just as I will share mine here in this post, and as I share throughout my blog, look also to others or older folks or better yet folks who have accomplished a WHOLE lot in life — as reference points for your potential “stagnation”, to understand it from another lens. you might be wondering where the line is drawn between taking too much action and not taking enough…well, I would say to erase that line, because chances are if you are even concerned about it, then you have already “done” enough and you are just in a period that can not be stopped right now. this doesn’t mean take no action, it just means that you are being required to understand that no “wrong” action can actually impact when this period ends. what can be impacted is your experience of the period or cycle, only. how do you want your experience to be? this is where surrender comes in…and once we are surrendered, we can effectively decide how to feel – no matter how hard that is. it’s regardless, a choice.

for example. for 3 full years of my life, I planned to move residences. every single season I planned this, something would come up to ruin it. in addition, my difficulty in terms of my logistical circumstances seemed to increase. or, ebb and flow. the difficulty was increased based on my internal experience and interpretation of this cycle (the cycle was, I was not allowed to move – period!) versus the actual logistics. I had to be careful to not exacerbate the logistical difficulties I was facing, based on my emotional response to the stimuli. yes, there was only so much control I had over the logistical difficulties. what bothered me the most, though, was, “am I doing enough to change this?” — I wanted to know if I had somehow either caused or helped create my uncomfortable dynamic. part of me was convinced that I had created it, because I was definitely living in the “we create our reality” zone…which, is a fine zone, within reason. I didn’t want to concede to the fact that I was in a life cycle, because it was still a bit easier to believe that I was to blame or cause for EVERYTHING in my life. so perhaps I took and still take TOO much responsibility. despite understanding or starting to understand “life cycles”. circles. so, year after year, every reason that could surface to stop me from moving surfaced. it was only after a few numerology consults and other pieces to other puzzles coming together that I understood and saw my process from a concrete 9-year cycle mountaintop. this 9-year cycle, a closing cycle, was not one that I ever could have escaped. it was there, I was trapped at my residence, and there was nothing that I was “supposed” to do to change it. writing that makes me twitch a little bit, because even I really don’t like to be that surrendered around something as important as a living environment. yet, I believe it to be true now. were my efforts to change my circumstances a waste? no. was my emotion regarding my situation, at times, a waste? yes. what I might have learned, as well, HAD I actually moved, was that the logistical circumstances that displeased me — or something similar — would have surfaced again simply relative to my cycle. I am also now clearly, in retrospect, understanding WHY — in a larger context, this took place.

so my lazy friends and acquaintances. how to know if you are that. well, you would have to complain a whole lot and take no action — just enjoy complaining. if this is you, then there is no way to know whether you are in a life cycle or not. you will have to truly test the waters (more than once) and have a thicker skin to determine whether this is a cycle or a big nudge from the Universe to change your ways. testing the waters means committing to several new changes internally, combined with at least one logistical effort to alter the logistics of your situation. if that is not you, though, if you have tried hard, consider the fact that you have done all of the right things…consider your cycle. and why…

our life is not all about us. it is about every single soul that we come into contact with. do you know how many years I spent single? many. I’m talking no dates, no nothing. obviously, if I really “wanted” or forced the matter, it would have happened. and I would have been just like the many unhappy people I see all around. and I knew that. I knew that my cycle of singledom was yes, a “choice”, but a higher self slash life cycle choice. I knew that my person was not in those years, and that’s just what it was. we often ask questions that we do NOT want the real answers to — which is why we visit psychics. psychic readings in general are simply mirrored back dissertations of your own conscious and unconscious thoughts…they pass the time is all. so, I generally left that topic of my life alone in various readings I had unless it was regarding a very specific person or “of the moment” circumstance. in terms of “big picture”? nah. I knew better. and additionally despite my therapist at the time telling me that I was “scared”, well, maybe…but still not scared enough to shut “it”/my destiny down. I just understood very well my cycle. like I have often been attuned to throughout my life. but understanding just decreases the suffering…it doesn’t stop the cycle. again, the energy of the difference between understanding and ending a cycle will feel confusing. in retrospect, regarding both moving residences and my absent dating chronicles, I had to separate my emotion from understanding what was actually taking place. I had to also see that my free will was really only there to determine the quality of my experience, because it was happening no matter what.

when we have the courage to truly listen to our inner self, we develop a certain magic…this magic is described by the information we receive as a result of listening to hard answers. magic is not found in bypassing through what we want to hear. magic is truth. everything opposite to that is black magic — it wears off before midnight and turns a runny muddy color. magic is sustainable. black magic is sudden and unsustainable. when we develop faith and surrender to truth and what is, the truth both within us and within the collective, we have access to magic. nothing is more present tense than connecting to truth. present tense is when it is possible to change all realities — seemingly defying the nature of an imminent cycle, determined by destiny…but here is the thing…once we reach this stage of present tense magic, because we have surrendered at every turn, our cycle is ready to end.

I write this on the heels of several conversations I’ve had with people about their cycles. there have been particular women who visited me with fertility concerns, and I could tell just by looking at them that they were in a cycle — that their season would start in a few years, but not now. because their season was so important. those connected to their truth would only agree with me, not because they were reliant upon me, but because they already knew the truth and what that FEELS like. non-truth feels like a blanket. real truth feels like a band-aid being ripped off, but it feels “right”. even if the truth is favorable, there will be something difficult about it because something must be transcended when there are heavy questions in life. it’s a chess board, in a sense. and in this sense, we are affecting everyone and they are affecting us, based on destiny points. destiny points are so strong, that no matter our cycle, we will be placed in times and spaces — whilst considering the very ABSENCE of time and space! — that support our truth connecting to divine will. a tangible example of this would be…

earlier this year I crossed paths with a very benevolent (in my opinion) individual in the public eye. I knew very little about this person, prior to physically running into them, other than what media reports reported. of course the actual energy of a person can be different or much more involved than what a public profile shows. when we initially crossed physical paths, we were placed equidistant to a door that we were both walking toward. behind this door was an experience that we had to wait for, for at least 6 minutes. being the only people behind that door except for a few employees and another patron, we were “forced” to “see” one another. I was struck by what I felt spiritually around this person — they held an incredible force-field. and, I know they felt mine. it was an awkward feeling for me. that said, it was such an obvious and divine placement (also considering the fact that I ignored my daily routine that day for the first time in months…due to some synchronicity) that I knew I would see this person again. some months later, I was in another public place. this time, it was one that I could not leave for at least an hour. this same individual walked in, and that strong feeling encompassed me again — they were seated directly across from me. it was a scene from a movie that I would write. the unconscious dialogue was strong and again, awkward for me, but I will say this: those two very loud encounters were divine and they are not over with. I’ve written about other individuals this has happened with, and there is destiny in each encounter. some of those destinies occurred years later and pertained to very specific things or aspects of my life and what I am creating. the point here is, no matter what this individual was doing in their life or what I am doing in mine, destiny “trapped” us alongside and directly in eye-line with one another for a reason. this has to do with: cycles. I won’t go into the more nuanced details so as to respect privacy here, but the cycle aspect of physically crossing paths is loud and destiny. now connected to this, what if the other cycles of seeming (and actual, actually!) stagnation in my life were “fixed” when I wanted them to be? well, I will tell you…the important and divine encounters I had would not have been able to be arranged as so — because my life and my purpose involves other people and their lives must be accommodated too. just like yours affects others and vice versa…and when we run in the same cycles or circles as another person, we are essentially walking each other home…and toward circles of destiny that touch one another.

I wanted to write about this today because a lot of people give themselves a hard time (I have been one of them) when it comes to their life looking a certain way. what it “should” look like. but the thing is, when we are honest, we are tested…in ways that seemingly others are not. these tests are like higher levels of the video game of life that bear more fruit when passed. if we have a problem for every solution that we do not understand, we will never make it to the next level. if we enjoy complaining and don’t try, well, that’s not a cycle that’s a personality. and if we can surrender to “what is” by knowing the difference between making an effort and understanding divine will, we can use our free will to color the EXPERIENCE within our cycle.

cycles run in different territories and LENGTHS OF TIME for each of us. I am not joking when I say that one of my cycles went on for more than two decades. does that suck? yes. but, not if I understand the fruit that will come from honoring the Universe’s will by understanding my will and personal faith and surrender. cycles are or can be VERY HARD. and acceptance of that is crucial. full acceptance (note I didn’t say desire or even tolerance for) of our cycles — what they look like, how long they go on — will so color our present tense that by the time we are there (which, well, can technically be in an “instant”! sorry to trip you out with the seemingly contradictory theories here…but I know that some of you will understand), our cycle is OVER. it is important to note the understanding of “cycles” will come when a period has ended, and you fully understand that no matter your logistical and/or tangible actions, the cycle — due to a divine over-arching cycle and destiny — could have been no other way/shape/form/duration at its very core. it is the hindsight, if you can outline any of these cycles (and it is ok if you can not — there is always a first), that will reveal just how designated it was. this will help you as you approach (or continue) other cycles. keep doing your best to live the best version of that cycle until you reach a point of bliss in knowing that you are in the exactly perfect place. your inner growth and your outer world are actually working in invertly simultaneous parallel tandem with one another, in the most divine and magical way.


a wave of pattern breaking and new energy is here.

photo by Anita Saini

both personally and collectively I am recognizing years or lifetimes of patterning within the human self, obliterating.

it is a beautiful time for many of us right now. keep in mind that the word and notion “beautiful” is up for grabs in terms of how you want to interpret it. for example, if you are sincerely detached from the material world (as in, maybe you enjoy it, even strive for it in different ways, or cultivate it daily, yet it does not define your happiness), the ability to focus within is greater – it is only within this space that we can notice inner alignment and growth. when we are distracted by things that don’t matter (mostly the fleeting, material world), we are put at a disadvantage because this distraction busies the mind in a thwarting fashion. often, when we are distracted by things that don’t matter, we will 1) lose everything material 2) go through a personal dark night — in order to tune us into our inner world. it is within that world that we can actually and accurately hear and see ourselves — as well as our progress, or lack thereof.

by “progress”, I mean simply that we are here as individuals to progress. if we are not progressing, we are dying; we have either become distracted by things that do not matter, halting our growth, or we have refused growth. we are not here to regress, but to progress. this is INTERNAL. it is intrinsic to being a live human being — the higher self’s desire for progress. of course the word is relative. in theory of relativity there is NO comparison to the outer world, or the perceived outer world of another person’s life. and this past week, I noted progress – both within myself, and shared with me by many others.

this particular progress that I’ve witnessed and noted within myself is years of a specific pattern of fear. it’s GONE. I’ve written from my insides out in my blog for years now, because I believe in showing my personal growth versus telling it only in the aftermath; and if you have been reading or go back and read through it, you will note various fears that I have both consciously AND unconsciously expressed. over the years of sharing my own inner world and working with many people, I’ve been curious as to whether that one “moment” would exist for me, in which I would say “Eureka! it’s gone! this long pattern I wanted gone is gone!”. I was never attached to an outcome, because that is not how journeys and life work. the moment we surrender and detach from how we believe things must look and happen for us, they move. it is within the constant surrender that life works FOR us.

there are two specific threads of what I will call my “former life” (specifically prior to October 2018 in which I hit the tail end of another massive dark night and personal shift — it was sober, long, quiet, and harder than any other personal shift I have ever gone through) patterning. the threads are beliefs that, I knew at least consciously, are not true. I had sort of resigned to having these beliefs slash fear spores in or around me forever – this is not because I was lazy, but because I was surrendered. I also did not think that the day would come when I felt like a completely different person (AGAIN). throughout these past few weeks, and notably with personal measurement THIS week, I see that this new person within me has emerged. I’m not the only one…

people who I worked with years ago, and who keep in touch with remote sessions / pop ups etc, reached out all week to say “hey Elaine, you won’t believe this but…that THING that bothered me for so long, that was a block…IT’S GONE!”; and I said, “me too. me too.”

since the early 2000s I’ve really understood and tuned into the earth’s energy and where we were headed as a collective. it was almost like seeing entire pods of energy either coming to life, or dying…based on how people were choosing to life. I saw and felt in my own right that our planet’s energy was changing, and that people who were “living right” were going to have an easier time coming up…and that those who were spiritually lazy were going to fall. now by “easier time coming up”, I don’t mean that it looked perfect or even good in the interim; I understood that in a death, there are nasty details that we go through before we rebirth. this can be a series of rebirths, or that “big” whammo one that we are all looking for — the one I write about today as the topic, and this is the “one” that typically takes years to suddenly then recognize “overnight”. at any rate, I’ve felt the dial that mother earth has been tweaking each and every year since about 2000. we have really moved in periods of 4s, in my interpretation of the pattern waves. I am not an astrologer or a numerologist, but I do enjoy and subscribe to those reportings because they line up with what I “see’ and feel.

in the early 2000s, my grandmother sent me some antiquated report on “biorhythms” and how our personal cycles run. well, that helped me to understand that what I was seeing and feeling for myself and our collective was rooted SOMEWHERE. if you had asked me in high school or college what biorhythms etc were, I would have side-eyed and gone back over to my big bottle of wine. this is to say that the woo woo was not part of my life — and yet it WAS. I didn’t subscribe to the external context of which we consider “new age” now, yet it subscribed to me. does that make sense?

I am digressing a bit, but a larger point will be made. first of all, the majority of the people I see for my work also do not subscribe, and certainly not outwardly, to the woo woo or the unseen or the “new age” that has become so (annoyingly to me) trendy. yet, like me, the unseen — the physics of our individual and collective karmic states — subscribe to the people I see for my work. that is really, really important to consider when we consider where our planet is headed…

this bleeds into the revelations and new experience of life that I am having in recent months, all due to the very *complete* inner shifts that have occurred after all of these years. I have always said that truth is physics, and the physics of this planet will birth truth whether we like it or not, and whether we believe it or not. I have also made analogies to tech and A.I. (and during some of my consulting for such – yes, you would not believe how linked these subjects are: truth, consciousness, physics, TECH, and spirituality…) that support the fact that we can NOT go backwards as individual hence collective souls. of course our collective is a big collage of light and dark – contrast is what keeps us alive. breathing. walking. when folks ask me the reason for dark/evil, it is always this reason: without contrast we die — or move into nonphysical. at any rate, FEELING into this emergence of truth and lighter way of living collectively (keep in mind that personally, each person has free will, so those who choose OUT of truth repeatedly won’t necessarily experience truth in the way they desire) has been so acutely in my rear view mirror for so long. and I feel like we have just hit a new plateau with it — within our ego and consciousness — and new external realities are being built as a result.

back to this new energy…for so long I have wanted to feel certain (new) things. I’ve wanted the outcomes of my own patients, for myself: seeming happy U-turns. and I’ve got them now. the strongest, scariest and most life-sucking beliefs that I have held are…gone. there are two personal themes I’ve released. of course I (we) carry many. who knows what is next. but this particular breakthrough, that not so coincidentally some of my beloved patients who have been working on themselves for years are sharing with me, is a really clean, new, and exciting feeling. I know that my often cryptic way of communicating via writing only resonates with certain people — and that’s fine, it’s an excellent filter for my work — and my intention is for YOU, if you resonate with this (even if you are new to my work and don’t understand everything I am saying – by the way it is the energy and essence of me, of my consciousness that will resonate or not) to let you know that a new energetic domain or portal is truly here right now.

if we completely collapse the idea of time and space, we find infinite possibility; the best way to do this, of course, is to get into a timeless (meditative) state daily. we can bend time, change experiences, and do all kinds of things. I have to check with my numerologist and read my astrology reports to confirm, but I sense an unchartered domain for myself and for many I’ve worked with and stayed connected to. it’s simply pleasant. that is the main point of this post: pleasantries are upon us. especially if we have been TRYING…

I am a broken record talking about the physics of karma, all of the time. but I just can not stress enough, how the Universe opens for us when we honor ourselves and others. and I can not stress enough how the Universe thwarts and rejects us when we do not honor ourselves and others (do not get confused with a dark night of the soul as a result of honoring yourself! it can be easy to think you are doing something wrong, when you are indeed not). for example. there are now dozens of people who I’ve set up, nearly frame by frame, businesses and healing practices for. aside from serving as their inspiration, I walked and hand held many people through the process of even having enough courage to present themselves in the “healing” or ethereal domains. I’ve never attached myself to anyone’s business, because it’s never felt right. I like to do a lot of it quietly for many purposes, and I also do a lot of pro bono work. that said, I’ve been drawn or rather certain people have been drawn to me, in order to violate — with giant ego — divine gifts and heart. in a nutshell, some folks did some of the outrageous shit after taking what they could from me (also a now broken pattern in my life – YAY!) and starting their “spiritual” companies or practices. one person in particular (I’ve been like a child at times – I just didn’t see certain things coming because I could never imagine not honoring someone who helped me) with an apparently huge ego decided that if I wasn’t going to do xyz and help a random person as a “favor” to them, that I was completely written off. this person lied about how and why they entered the spiritual domain, their entire life path, and how their “company” came to be. it wouldn’t have bothered me, even all of the above, if this did not come on the heels of a manipulation. this person basically said “I’ll show you, Elaine” — and then the ticking time bomb began. I knew right away what this person had done to themselves, and it would only be a matter of time before their paid-for instagram following etc etc etc imploded — along with their entire life. if we build “authenticity” on a lie, it crumbles. it we willfully violate another person, WE crumble. there are so many silly rabbits out there! and sure enough, within just about a year and a half of said ego-maniac’s plight into the “spiritual” and other public domain, it’s a wrap. their entire life fell apart, only worse than before — and it won’t stop until they stop. we can not take things that are not ours, walk on people who have only been kind to us, and expect to walk freely. the Universe won’t allow it. when I see this happening, or someone directs something like this toward me, all I can do is pray for them. I actually feel badly FOR them, because I know what they have just done. unfortunately I have a handful of these experiences to count, but I know that God has used me as a tool in each case. whether people learn from it or not is up to them, but the fact remains: KARMA IS PHYSICS. PHYSICS IS TRUTH. I’m blue in the face now.

I couldn’t be more excited about the domain that I am in, and the one that many of my patients “made it through” to, and are making it through to. it is becoming less about extreme problems and difficulties (because we have been working on ourselves for so long), and more about…WHAT CAN WE CREATE? the creation stage is here.

if we worked together a long time ago and you read this, I hope you resonate. if you don’t, keep going. remember that the truth within our own self wins and creates a butterfly effect (eventually). I’ve waited a lifetime to feel the way that I do within myself now, and I wasn’t sure that I would ever feel this way. there are still plenty of things to work on, plenty of things that are “wrong”, but there has been a seismic shift and I couldn’t be happier to be in this fresh domain.


Healing Elaine® Bahamas retreat May 24 – 27

Healing Elaine® in Nassau, Bahamas – photo by Pia Oyarzun for Forbes Magazine

this is our next stop. this retreat is open to former patients only. it will run similarly to a 3-day workshop in terms of thematic subject coverage, but it will nonetheless be very different from those of mine that you may have attended in the past…

I will spend one-on-one time with each person in abbreviated session format. we will convene on the beach. in the yoga room. under the stars. we will share our growth and goals, and the re-birthing process that got us from A to B. exciting twist: we will wrap it up with a professional photoshoot for each person, with the intention of capturing the essence of the business that each person has/is building/WANTS TO BUILD. as many of you know, those I work with (this has been happening from day one) often leave their jobs, or bridge NEW passions aka “jobs” or endeavors with their current posts. I want to continue to help cultivate and inspire each person I work with to expand to the next space in queue for them and EXECUTE in 3d terms. so, if you have a new business idea you are thinking of, or you just can’t seem to “move” your passion/endeavor to the next level, or you do not know where to start with articulating your next passion but you know it’s there, this will open your mind. it does not matter what stage you’re at. that said, be prepared to step out in front of the camera! your next steps want to be met with the world sensing your energy through your physical essence…which is ALWAYS evolving and morphing. you are not the same person you were last year, last week, or even an hour ago. our focuses will cover many subjects, obviously including precursors (aka blocks) to the above. let’s make some new things happen, in a magical geographic space.

if you are interested and can make these dates, ring the HE line and leave a voicemail. I will accept up to 3-4 people for this to keep it focused, and harvest the right group.


rejection is protection, part Infinity

photo by Anita Saini

I’ve addressed this topic more times than I can recall; in my blog, in sessions, in countless conversations with all kinds of (amazing) people — rejection is protection, always, in every case. it just depends upon our ability to perceive the protection dynamic…

for starters, I understand first-hand what it means to be my own worst enemy and take things personally when it comes to being “rejected”. I might venture to say that, many times in the past, I created rejection scenarios to impose upon myself when they didn’t really exist to begin with. what created those scenarios was my interpretation of events. in order to understand my interpretation, read this blog from the beginning and you will find countless self-share examples that explain my experiences and subsequent wiring that had to be altered in order to live out who I AM. instead of who I am NOT…

I understand how the brain protects itself — by interpreting rejection as actual rejection when it is not such — in order to “keep the entire body and brain alive” by repeating patterns that at one point DID ensure survival. but what happens when we move closer to detaching from the once-necessary pessimism that literally kept us alive? well what happens is, we encounter “rejection” to the MAXIMUM…to kill off a dead-end belief or entire belief system. in this space, we are challenged with the ultimate rejections, and in many cases, a series of rejections. they feel real. they don’t feel like protection. they ARE protection. every time…

the very fact that we can not perceive the beauty of rejection as a metaphor for incredible and divine protection is evidence that our self-image needs to change. we ALL face (perceived) rejection. each and every one of us. it’s what tethers us to unhealthy patterns that we repeat in business, home, social, and beyond. if we dare look beneath the pattern, which many of us simply will never do, we find our deepest fear and ASSOCIATION with what we consider to be “rejection”. and when we get closer to unhinging – or rather our soul declares we must unhinge – a belief that is holding us hostage to a past situation, we attract “rejection” aka protection to the most ultimate extreme. it is in the sheer seeming ABSURDITY of said “rejection” that is our first and main indicator that perhaps…we are being protected.

as we get closer to ending a pattern, rejection will accumulate to such a degree that we are so humbled that there is just no more fighting it. we almost do not care about the feelings we once associated with the perceived rejection, because we are bowled over with the absurdity of such. have you ever been in a position in life in which the only available remaining response to your position was laughter? no matter how life-threatening, how dire, how horrendous — laughter was the only option because it felt like a big joke and there is no way that God could be that cruel? this is the turning point of recognizing rejection as actual protection. and it is in this space that we actually RISK changing our mind about what is happening. because, we are the common denominator…and, what if there is something “right” about us, that is at play here?

what is “right” about us will scare off the demons. literally. demons might present THROUGH others, and their actions, versus actually BE others. it’s important to recognize that someone’s behavior is not necessarily who they are, but that it is indeed either helping us or killing us with little room for negotiation between the two motives. and in that behavior, we may struggle to negotiate or understand their conscious intention versus their unconscious intention…creating illusion around the core point of our experience with another person or situation because INTELLECT is separate from the unconscious mind. what is “RIGHT” about us will seem to completely be honored by intangible forces in a particular situation yet COUNTERED by the logic of it. that means that, “this makes no sense!!!!! I can’t get my head around it!!!!”, but this also means that, “there is something so strong, too strong, too repetitive and loud about what is happening here, I must consider trusting it”…

what is “right” about us will exaggerate the experiences that we have with others that would be considered “rejection” experiences…to the point in which we actually turn the page and risk seeing the truth: that we are being protected.

I’ve had this conversation more in the past 9 months than ever before in my life. my personal life presented SO MANY experiences over the past fiscal year that appeared DAUNTING — I felt that I was absolutely being rejected by the entire Universe, as well as specific individuals who did not honor or respect me. some of these people I had looked up to as semi-guides, helpers, friends, — those I thought would be along for the ride with me for life with regard to my work and soul’s purpose. I was wrong — or rather, God did NOT want me to ride with certain people anymore. and it wasn’t just people. it was ALL KINDS of situations in life in general that had expired. doors were slamming and locking in my face. and as much as I know, and have been through on this front already many times over in the past, one can never be prepared for their entire life to change for the better…because all of the swampness comes up and OUT before it does. we see it leave. we watch and feel it leave. we grieve it. and we assign it unfortunate meaning, until we do not assign it that meaning.

in the past fiscal year I’ve faced more difficulty than ever before in my life, with “rejection” — aka PROTECTION. as I’ve had many rounds with this notion already, I did KNOW what was happening. however, at a pinnacle moment around the fall of last year, I briefly lost sight of the positive aspects of protection that were being sent my way by dismantling ALL KINDS OF THINGS AND RELATIONSHIPS. it had reached comedic proportions. the literal front door of my apartment building LOCKED ME IN one night — as in, the door lock broke, locked me in, and there was no out. although I was experiencing one of the most difficult periods of my life, I marveled at the symbolism gifted to my by the Universe: I was being PROTECTED. the Universe said “you may not walk through this door again”. and so, as life does, I experienced the ultimate forms of protection in all kinds of ways: bad behaviors from others, screw-overs, broken trust, disappointments, and shocking loss. and at the end of it? I emerged as a different person. because I had no choice left but to understand this, again, as PROTECTION. at the peak of my brokenness, I wrote this post on betrayal and it still resonates in my gut when I re-read it.

this morning I had two conversations with AMAZING WOMEN who are recently climbing out of “rejection” and now able to see it as PROTECTION. as I always say: NOT ALL ENERGY IS EQUAL. it doesn’t matter what something looks like: we know not what resides underneath that 3D surface. there are all kinds of amazing reasons for all kinds of terrible things. and in my conversations today I was reminded double-time as to why I went through some of the very most ridiculous shit of my life last fall and winter. it was fodder to help those also on the crux of that exact precipice. it was to ensure: not only am I better, lighter, happier as a result of my “rejections”, but I am GROUNDED as hell and literally not the same person I was 9 months ago. doors that did not serve me, in all forms, were closed FOR me. there comes a point in time in which we must CHOOSE how to view these disappointments versus think we can intellectualize why things happen…this is the human trap — figuring it all out instead of LIVING IT ALL OUT.

I find that the most INCREDIBLE people I know have gone through the most incredible “rejection” aka protection to land where they are (in great places that many people covet). the hazing associated with understanding how to interpret rejection as protection is legit. and it is reserved for the few who are able to shift their consciousness, move out of victim consciousness, and literally choose a new life. a lot happens before we can perceive rejection as protection — a lot happens on internal psycho-emotional levels. and you can read about that process in other posts of mine, scattered throughout this entire blog. but I wanted to share today, AGAIN, about the raw fact surrounding “rejection”: IT NEVER IS.

recently I’ve had a ton of type A people aggressively approach me because they see things that they think they “want” or can “take” (see my eBooklet 3 – what they really want is intangible, they just have not figured that out yet!) — and I already know the drill. I know that they are going to come at me hard and fast, pitch me a sales pitch to convince me that I should do xyz (so that they can benefit, only it’s presented as a mutual benefit), and then find out that they CAN’T actually get xyz thing…because you can’t absorb or steal someone else’s consciousness. and in each of these encounters, they run away when they can’t find the “benefit” for themselves…mostly because they are not sure what they are running toward in the first place. they see a shiny penny and they aren’t sure how that penny shines, but they want/think they can glean the secret formula. these types of people always see the outside of me/my work, and never the inside of me/my work. these are not patients of mine, these are real-world folks. all the ones who think strategically but NOT intuitively and believe that they can monetize me…except they have no understanding of what is being monetized — clearly, that is where *I* come in and how I get paid. it’s not a trinket I can sell to someone. and in all of the many situations I’ve experienced with others who thought they could cherry-pick off my tree for free and actually gain something, I’ve had the choice in each instance as to how to perceive what’s happened. as typically what happens when someone realizes they can’t get something for free, they depart. departure can feel like abandonment or rejection. it’s not. it’s protection from people who do not have best interests in mind because they don’t understand a certain energy. and my default is now set to the point, thanks to having gone through this in SO many categories of life, of absolutely bypassing any emotion or internalized personalization of what’s occurred. it’s never rejection anymore. I never feel bad about it. it’s always protection. and when we have something unique, something important, it’s “of course” that not every random Joe off the street can or should understand our commodity. in this sense, we are being protected from wasting time, energy, and so on. and I am grateful to be in a place where there feels absolutely nothing “personal” about this and is certainly not even close to rejection in my interpretation. I see it a mile away, watch it play out, and smile at how it has not a shred of “rejection” essence to touch within me. it just doesn’t exist in me anymore. this is a 180 from how my life began and how I continued it for years out of “survival” and outdated agreements with my mind-adrenaline.

allow people to disappoint you. screw you over. hurt you. offend you. steal from you. THEY ARE IN YOUR LIFE TO SHOW YOU WHAT YOU ARE NOT, if only you can stop committing to what they symbolize for you. what they take away with them, is your old wounds. it takes a full magnet of darkness (that person or situation) to pull out the fragmented marbleized darkness hanging out within your psychological, emotional and physical astral/spheres. when the fragments that have been assigned to you by others who have nothing to do with your path are removed by others who also have nothing to do with your path, you can understand protection. this is where the ultimate freedom, and even unconditional love for all things, exists.

rejection is protection. always. you’re better than you think. probably an anomaly. a Unicorn. a treasure. in that sense why WOULD the world understand you right off the bat? you’re being asked to understand the WORLD. allow yourself to be assassinated in all kinds of ways in order to re-discover, or discover for the first time, who you actually are. protected.


Healing Elaine® mini-retreat for former patients 4.19, 4.20, 4.21

photo by Jennifer Santaniello

we will be about an hour outside of the city. this spot in particular is one of my most favorite locations in the Northeast.

the mini-retreat will run similarly to a workshop; 3pm-9pm Friday, 3pm-9pm Saturday, and 3pm-9pm Sunday. all lodging and all dinners will be included. each person will receive a private/individual healing built into the weekend. since we have worked together before, this is an opportunity (perhaps in lieu of a pop-up) to go deeper for a longer period of time, and connect with a couple of my other patients. this mini-retreat will host a couple or a few people. since this is a holiday weekend with some of my FAVORITE numerology (and one of my favorite holidays), AND a full moon on the 19th, we really have some super tailwinds assisting us here.

call 917-985-1221 and leave a voicemail if you are interested.