my business line has been hacked/aka re-directed for over a year

my business line, 646 470 1178, has not been working as it should be for some time now — roughly the last fiscal year. if you have left me messages on this line, it is very likely that they never came through. many of the calls to my business lines, particularly the above number, are being re-routed to random or spam numbers, or even to numbers on the caller’s contact list. if you have reached out, please call again, and also call my alternate number at 818 253 9690 and leave an additional message on that line (with your first name only, as I have always requested). unless you speak with me directly, do not schedule any appointment or make any otherwise arrangements.

the person(s) tampering with me are being monitored, and will be brought to justice. I am entering a brand new chapter in my life, and although it is surprising what’s happened, it’s really just a “giant at the gate”, so to speak. as we rise, we are repeatedly tested to see what we can handle. I will always rise. new gate guards are being set up for me, just like they are for anyone who is about to make a difference in the world.

hijacking of my DNS and domain (website)

a quick note. if you have received any correspondence from me and we have not worked together, it is not from me. if we have worked together and it doesn’t feel like me, it is not me. in short, my DNS was hijacked as well as my domain. a fake email address including my name, was also made. I am currently and actively legally dealing with this. the criminal(s) involved in the above will be revealed publicly soon enough.

here are a couple of links, describing some of the above, if you would like to peruse it:

good day!

here is how the butterfly effect of abuse finally cycles out, with one last death grip

photo by Pia Oyarzun / @madeinwater

all energy is connected. think of a spider web. it is all one piece, but it appears to take many different shapes and designs. it is like an entire Universe, woven in infinite directions at different times. but it is all…one.

before I get deep into the meat and potatoes of this post, let me preface it like this. many times upon a time, I’ve treated patients who come from extreme abuse. it has always started in the family, and then extended out (like a web) to other directions in their lives. often, if the abuse is either repressed (via amnesia, the brain’s defense mechanism – and no, you can’t be “smart enough” to beat amnesia as it serves to save our lives) or only occurred one or two serious times, the person will still be in contact with their abusers with various intellectual justifications. then, they will go about their life, their work, their whatever, and wonder why the same patterns keep coming up. this is part one of recognizing the butterfly effect of abuse — recognizing that something is wrong, that life keeps repeating a specific cycle around an abusive theme. it will show up primarily in intimate relationships, but then in work, social, and other areas — particularly health. I am not suggesting that all who have health issues are abused or have been abused. I am stating that when we are, and it goes unaddressed, it shows up in our health. when I have treated these cases, the first thing that I will see and feel before I even meet them or know anything about them whether I want to know or not, is the root. it invades my mind, my body, and my entire being. everything surrounding that person and their experience will enter my body. this is not something I try to do, train for, and it’s certainly nothing I have consciously asked for. upon meeting the individual, at some point they will share with me their “current” outer world issue. and it is ALWAYS, without fail, connected to the spore that showed up for me prior to meeting them. this is when we start to fill in the blanks…

in some cases, a person is just coming to terms with the spore for the first time. in other cases, they have done 20 years of therapy and never made the appropriate connections to past and present — because they do not make “logical” sense. in other words, the spider web has been woven so big, for so long, that tracing connective meridian lines and cognitive algorithms back to the spore is nearly impossible. and so we work on this. as we do this, my body has already shared with me the fact that the spore — the very root and cause, evading this person and their “current” problems — is weakening. this manifests differently in my body, both before, during and after the session and our continued conversations and work. I am explaining this aspect to paint the picture of the butterfly — or spider, I should probably call it! — effect of abuse. for the sake of this post and specific topic, I am covering abuse versus energy as a whole. yet energy will be the overarching point.

as I move through various phases of explanation and understanding with an individual, and they see the connection between the spore and their current difficulty that they could not make a connection to — because it is not obvious, “logical” or visible to most — we both witness something. the spore, the very birth of the challenge, abuse, and the individual that it is connected to, begins to…lose its/their grip. since its/their life force was born from a place of darkness, negativity, control or otherwise said abuse, and this is being brought to light, it and they scramble for oxygen. sometimes and actually quite often, multiple individuals — even those who witnessed first-hand the abuse but covered it up — are impacted by the weakening of this dark spore…

for example. I once treated an individual who was connected to an oxygen device for many years. they could not function without it. their “health condition” / diagnosis was mild, but it was indeed a classic diagnosis. again: they could not function without this oxygen device in their presence. prior to their session with me, and within hours of booking them, I became extremely ill. I knew nothing about them. I just knew that they “got it”, meaning they would understand the mechanics of energy and physics, they had read both of my pre requisite books, and that due to that, they were “right” for my session — that they would have a chance to heal. within 12 hours of booking them, my entire body shut down. I had trouble breathing, and I was convinced I had an odd bronchitis or pneumonia. since this type of thing has happened to me so many times in the past, I didn’t cancel the session. but, I did consider it…

the day of the session, which was just under 48 hours after I booked them and fell “ill”, I was almost immobile. this was the first time in my life that I considered canceling a session for health reasons. but something told me to wait. I understood that I was being used as a vessel, and that I would understand more soon. about one hour prior to their session with me, and many, many salt baths and sleeping, I felt…fine. I knew I needed to take extra care of myself after the session, but I was given the green light to do it. this person — who was lovely, by the way — showed up and we worked. in tandem with all of the physical things that happened to me prior to meeting them, I felt very deeply the spore of whatever their xyz problems were. now remember, I had no idea why they were seeing me, it is one of my rules before I meet someone as I do not ever want logic to interfere with what I *know*. within a short time of speaking, and before I even fully addressed my physical state prior to the session, which I always do in order to explain how energy moves, I mentioned the individual who was the SPORE, connected to their modern-day “problems”. they looked at me in a daze, and then told me something that they have never told anyone before. this always happens in sessions. and it has to. and once it does, once someone speaks, there is no more darkness surrounding their past abuse. even if I am the only person who knows of it, and that is fine, it is no longer in the dark. and when it is no longer in the dark, the spore…weakens…

when they mentioned to me the thing that they never told anyone before, something they were afraid to admit to themselves, we spoke about their physical diagnosis which they also shared with me (literally and figuratively). immediately they understood the connection to their need for an oxygen device, and it was a watershed moment nearly for both of us. it is always nearly unbelievable to me — and it would actually BE unbelievable to me if it were not the case that it happens TO me — how past abuse and the present conditions of a person’s life are connected. it just. never. fails.

anyhow, to make a very long and interesting story short, this person never needed their oxygen device again. the reason for this is 1) we brought light to the spore of abuse that literally took their breath away, and the person who did it, and 2) they took action — mostly on the spiritual plane, but also on the tangible plane — to disconnect from this individual. 3) they didn’t waver or regress.

when we have been abused, and whether and how we remember it or not, what brings us to the point of needing something like an oxygen device for many years, or some other debilitating or just frankly annoying dependency that interferes with our life, is the fact that we can not seem to connect points A and Z. in between is the spider web. at the spore is the creature that creates the butterfly effect so that that energy and everything that matches it reverberates out and out and out…to the point where we don’t recall how it began. we wait until there is no diagnosis left or therapist left to explain to us “why” xyz is still happening. and then, if we are open to understanding how energy and the physics of it works, we will begin to dismantle the spore…

which brings me more into the heart, the meat and potatoes of this post. so take me, for example. I have made many strides and steps forward in terms of eliminating abuse from my life. I consider myself strong and proactive and I will not sit around and blame the world for things that happen to me. that said, the butterfly effect was still very pronounced for me, even years after I cut out the abuse. and let’s be clear about defining abuse: when a person is sick, disordered, actively abusive, and they will not acknowledge or remedy it and they make everything about them your fault, that is abuse. the only option is to get away, or you will go down with them. anyhow, I noticed the butterfly effect in my life for quite a while. of course I went to therapy, continued much self-work and analysis, really took care of my physical and spiritual health, and generally tried to be the best version of myself that I could be…yet I wondered why these butterfly effect situations kept popping up. was I choosing them? or was the spore of the darkness of my abuse gripping on for dear life? yes, it was the latter. mostly.

when we let go of something — cut it out, even blessing it with love as we cut it out — it takes time to lose its power. as it is attempting EVERYTHING in its power to survive (remember: it got its breath from abusing someone, not from loving someone), it will cling ONTO and THROUGH any person (vessel – yes, we are humans, we are also in tangible 3d form just like a computer and we all emit signals!) to get to us. as darkness gets its oxygen from light, it will attempt to navigate anything and anyone to reach us, if it has depended upon us its entire life for breath (life). when this happens, it will unconsciously (energetically!) pursue anything and anyone around us that is slightly porous, or slightly resembles a match to that dark spore energy. we can not be smart enough to spot it at first, and especially if we have been abused, we will overlook telltale obvious signs. it does this to find a way to survive with us, in us, as long as possible. until…we are able to dismantle the reverberation.

now, the reverberation lives inside anyone or anything that resembles the dark spore that will allow it in. it is tricky. it might look nice. if we are trapped in ego (hello, Hollywood people!), we will go with the flashy and ignore the gut. we will be deceived until we can recognize ENERGY — PEOPLE — not images. anyhow, I digress slightly… as we grow spiritually and psychologically (hence morally and intellectually and cognitively), we will begin to recognize the reverberations or butterfly effects of the spore of darkness we once battled — and this is only assuming that we cut out the dark spore, or dealt with it, to begin with! do you see why so many people are sick and suffering? there are so many layers to this…

so back to my personal example. over recent years as I seemed to “miss” signals, or whatever in terms of where this darkness might live and within whom, I always learned a new lesson. it seemed, though, that I would never stop being deceived. I began to realize that it just takes time, after you exterminate a basement, for all of the roaches to come out and die. it’s just time. it’s not our fault or responsibility to catch every single roach, because the reverberation of the extermination can just take time. as I began to witness my own life and how certain people in it were still mirroring the vibration of certain people and things in my past, I began to see something new: I saw the spores of energy of the darkness matching the situations at hand. and then I saw this: once the reverberations were done, once the final roaches were done vacating the premises, I was approaching a space in which I had never before lived: safety and protection. it took a lot to get there and it was not all psychological. some of these tests were so difficult and so insidious, and took a year or two to solve. a recent test took me a full year. and I realized that one of the only missing links besides just TIME, was my fear of killing that spore roach. something inside of me still felt badly and protective over the dark spore and past abuse/r.

I had to sit down and recall all of the times that my life was in jeopardy and I didn’t say anything as a child. I had to recall all of the times that I was never, ever protected, and the fear that came along with speaking up and saying the truth. I had to think about how I was made to feel guilty and pay for other people’s mistakes. and I had to really converse with myself on these matters, at least all of the ones that I could remember, in order to kill the “current” situations at hand that mirrored spores of the past. I had to be willing to put an abuser in their place instead of letting them feed from my core. the past and the present began to blend together in a strange way. the pull that I felt to protecting my abuser/s was and is still at times, intense. I had to confront the fear of retaliation for speaking up FULLY now, and allow myself to know that it isn’t the same as being a small child with no protection and the threat of life on all levels — physical, psychological and spiritual — involved. if I could truly do this, perhaps this would weaken the spore. and then…I felt guilty for weakening the spore…and I will explain why…

when I have worked with cases of extreme abuse, I have seen something each time. the abuser suffers immediately after a session. this is never intentional, and certainly not something I want to happen no matter what the offense. but by the law of physics, you can’t take back your light and share it at the same time. you can’t control how someone else is made. if they have gotten their breath from your body mind and or spirit, and they refuse to come from a place of light or replace their darkness with light, yes, they will feel the loss of the oxygen that is you. let me be clear: that which IS, you, is yours. not anyone else’s. you do not owe your breath to darkness just because it has always been that way. and so, I had to contend with the fact that I knew, that if I were to do what was right for me, by the law of physics, the spore of darkness/abuse that I endured would suffer. and it was the same fear I had when I was small, and I could not speak up — because I knew it would weaken them. and I was a child. I still needed to be taken care of. but, how far was that getting me as an adult now? the guilt started to fade into the desire to be entitled to ME – my actual self. nothing more and nothing less…

I thought back to a male stalker (a Doctor, to boot) who pursued me for ridiculous things to help his business, a man in a wheelchair who sexually harassed me nonstop for a year, and other decrepid humans who felt entitled to me, just because. I had the opportunity to put both of them in jail, and I did not. as I sat with a detective in one case, he said to me: if you allow us to arrest him, he can’t come after you again. instead, I just felt too guilty. this was less than a decade ago. I was just too conditioned and afraid of very old consequences that came with defending myself. my point in saying this is not that I am a victim, because I am not, and no I do not even resonate with that word. also, no, I never dated any of these people, thank God. I’ve dated mostly very nice men, so something cosmically and ironically has looked out for me on that front despite all other patterns. the situations that I have attracted or — rather that have followed me — though, have been angry, controlling, bitter men. gay, straight, handicapped, it doesn’t matter. the energy of aggression and fear has been part of this butterfly effect, before and after I made concrete decisions to cut what I could cut consciously and tangibly from my life.

recently I went through something that was so over the top, it is almost too unbelievable to talk about. last year, I also went through something equally unbelievable and criminal. both with men. one I had never even met in my life. the other, I had hired briefly. when I thought about the facts involved, and how long this was able to continue for so long, I realized that each situation was the death grip of the tangible cut I made some years ago. they were and are butterfly effects of that very spore of darkness. the spore of abuse that I was accustomed to. and I do not regret any decisions I have made or not made along the way, and I was always doing the best that I could at the time. as soon as I know better…I do better. so with all of this said, being the peacenik that I am, I realized I had to, for once in my life, be an aggressor of action. the butterfly effect of the past had made its way into my sphere for one last hoorah, and I had to get over 1) knowing that the initial spore energy would lose its power and whatever happened to them is not my fault and 2) my fear of retaliation came from the mind’s eye of a tiny child who was conditioned with fear and 3) that this is the final spore of butterfly effect and reverberation energy I will likely ever have to deal with on this front.

as I think about all of this cumulatively, it is never about being perfect or “ending” bad things from happening; rather it is understanding how energy moves and shapeshifts in our lives. if we are still dealing with the SAME patterns, which may show up in MANY different and surprising and certainly deceiving forms, then we are connected to that spore energy. even if the spore in tangible form has been removed. there are so many steps involved in such a process, and instead of seeing it as a curse, I choose to see it as more knowledge and experience to use toward helping others. I also recognize that for me, personally, like someone stupidly once said to me, “this must just be (your) my time”. well, it’s my time because I said it would be my time. and, it is “my time” because I am equipped to help others do the same. it’s not about being talented or great, it is about passing the buck and empowering others to bring light to their lives so that they can have an easier day. or week. or year. or, whatever.

after this seeming last wormhole I am going through, I see that life will never be the same again. I’ve chosen safety over familiarity. though nothing is ever our fault when it comes to abuse, we are indeed rewarded when we can learn and be open to the intangible energy that speaks to us on levels that quantitative society does not understand or credit. psychology only goes so far. energy and physics go everywhere.

I often like to document the nuances of my life, yes often in cryptic form to bubble off other people who do not serve any purpose to be brought attention to on the human plane, so that as new events unfold and manifest, there is a track record that some people may look at and really connect to. also, if I didn’t document things in real-time, they may carry less significance hence revelation, later on. we are collectively in a revelatory space in which this information is important because across the board and in all industries the tangible is becoming less and less reliable. I hope this post makes sense to those of you who resonate with these subjects and notions, and I hope that my overarching message is seen as a journey and not a destination. we always do the best that we can in each new moment, bringing new awareness, and then the world around us takes shape – not the other way around.

here is how the butterfly effect of abuse finally cycles out. we become aware of the spore. we take action. we learn what a reverberation and butterfly effect is. we do our best. it keeps happening. we keep doing our best. and one day, when we feel like the cycle will never end, it does. with one last fading and unsuccessful slippery death grip.

Healing Elaine® fall 2018 fertility super luxury (destination) workshop in Greece

from my recent instagram post about my upcoming fertility super luxury workshop…

last year in 2017, more than half a dozen babies were born to moms who were either told “you will likely not conceive or be able to carry to term” or “IVF is your most powerful option”. many of them had already done their IVF rounds. each now-mom saw me for a session. each of them, focused on fertility. each of them, with different “infertility” particulars. each of them, with interesting stories. I am not claiming to get people pregnant. however…I am saying that there is an unprecedented and common denominator between those women and our work together. the rest is trade secrets in terms of how I work with others for ANY issue (illness, anxiety, medical mystery, life purpose, etc)

I know what is possible and why, in terms of fertility. I’ve worked with doctors who themselves had trouble conceiving, but then did. due to my specialized interest and excitement around fertility and watching women become moms, I will be hosting a super luxury workshop specifically geared toward fertility this fall (September) in Greece. I will likely bring one or two of my former patients, who faced “infertility” but now have beautiful children, with me for group / individual moral support as well as testimony

I am careful not to make any claims, but the proof will reveal itself as the years go by due to the results. I will also say, as I’ve said in my blog posts on fertility, that no, not everyone is supposed to get pregnant. I can usually tell who and why. there is an ocean of “reasoning” around fertility or the lack thereof

join me this September in #Greece at my super #luxury workshop focused on #fertility. please key word search “fertility” in my blog to read about past fertility workshops!


after reading through my website and About section, as well as all of my posts on fertility, please leave a voicemail on the business line 646 470 1178 with interest. please begin reading both pre req books listed in the About section. this is a super luxury destination workshop, which means it will take place at a 5-star luxury hotel with the finest food and amenities. we will spend one full week together, 8 hours per day, and I will offer private individual attunements during the week. the group will be very small. like every single session I have ever done, this particular offering will be a leap-and-the-net-will-appear opportunity. please use your gut intuition above all else — your gut should be screaming at you that this is the right thing to do, and now…otherwise it is best to wait.

happy almost full moon!

it is worth your effort: taking just one small step a day will absolutely change your life

when I was 7 years old, I was standing in the back of a church in New York and a mirror came crashing down right in front of me. no one else was in the room. it just…fell over. it was a full length mirror, and it was propped up against the big wall that separated the chapel and pews from the back room used to organize weddings etc. I recall thinking, very specifically, “shit. I have exactly another 7 years of bad luck. I thought I was almost done with this since I’m 7 now”. yes, I was 7, and I thought this.

the early part of my life is one for a book or two, so I won’t digress here with those details. to put it simply, I wanted out. so here I am, in this church, somehow I had heard that broken mirrors are 7 years of bad luck, and I actually believed that something like that caused my entire life up until that point. there was no otherwise level of intellectual or psychological understanding available to me for why everything was so miserable all of the time. as I looked at this shattered mirror, I just “knew” it would be another 7 years of hell. and I was right.

I was not old enough to make “agreements” in a conscious or affirmative sense, or go for self-help or figure out how to “change my thoughts” — I was 7. so I just accepted that the reality that had always been for me, behind closed doors but sometimes not, would continue. I recall going to sleep each night, waiting to turn 14. perhaps then, the bad luck would end, and I would live a different life.

“just 4 more summers”, one of my “caretakers” would say to me, specifically and intentionally about the hardship in my life that I could not physically or mentally escape — meaning, when I turned 18, I could escape the hell that I lived in. they knew it. I knew it. and yet no one helped me. it was a lock and key secret known only to those who partook in it, wittingly, or unwittingly. and after 14, my life didn’t change. I was trapped. until I was an adult.

when I turned 18, I wanted to run like the wind. I remember my first day “out”. as I sat in my college dorm room, a tremendous peace washed over me. I feel asleep sitting up. I recall being stunned that I was relaxed enough to fall asleep sitting up as it had never happened before. the kind of freedom I felt was unmistakable. I had made it through my early life with thankfully no mental illness, no personality disorder, and just enough of “something” to even have a chance at being a healthy adult. when I finally found my current therapist a few years ago, she specifically asked me: “how did you make it through?” – and I said “faith”. it was always my faith in what I could not see, that I believe kept me alive inside (and outside). I had always felt another presence, whether you want to call it God or source energy or the Universe or…whatever. it was always in my darkest moments that I felt this ENERGY, that I knew something was waiting for me on the other side of darkness…I now realize my faith was and is my PURPOSE.

after 18, everything felt possible. it was like having the lights turned on or seeing in color for the first time ever. I felt like Dorothy in Oz. I was also probably a young child at 18, because I had repressed so many things in order to survive psychologically and emotionally. I like to call myself a “late bloomer”, because I always was. with everything. and at my age now, when most of my peers have several children, I am just starting to think about that. I feel like I’m on a decade or two delay and it all makes sense to me. there are both downsides and upsides to this, but I don’t really think about the downsides. I am ecstatic about my life right now.

as I entered my mid-20s, shit really hit the fan for me. I left the phase of being elated to being free from what I can only describe as a living hell, but I entered the phase in which one must sort through the files and organize them — better known as ptsd. I did not realize that since I was a very small child, and even THROUGH my point of elation at 18 and beyond, that I woke up in a panic every single night and morning. my anxiety and sensitivity was so strong, it was a part of my survival and a part of ME. it had to be. when I discovered that my being and core did not match my experiences, I was thrown for a loop. I knew what I was, but what I WASN’T was so deeply lodged and rooted within me that the dissonance felt crippling. I could see my potential, but my only knowing was the opposite to that. I recognized the depths of the work that I would have to do in order to ever feel normal, peaceful, and happy as I began to “wake up” in my 20s. I could no longer hide behind the red cape that the Universe had often provided for me to protect my psyche as much as possible, as a child. SHIT!

I began by reading as many self-help books as possible. I had initially started with a degree in Psychology at Northeastern University. heck, I had even written my entrance essay on narcissism. when I started the classes though, I felt like they were missing something. the boxes felt restrictive, I didn’t resonate with the teachers, and I also did not connect to the students in these “classes”. I dropped that, and kept being pulled to the creative. which makes sense, because years later when I treated psychologists on my own in my current practice, I saw how many of their creative and quantitative potentials needed balancing. intelligence is not found in books, even the ones on ivy league desks — it is found within our very being. anyhow, it became my mission in life to 1) have fun and 2) fix myself. and I began doing so, both wittingly and unwittingly, at the same exact time.

when I hit 25, I was probably at my lowest. and this continued for a while. no, I did not have any addictions. I never had issues with food. I never slept around. I never used drugs. something in me KNEW: you will only recover if you are of sober heart and mind — you will get through this without any shortcuts. this knowing led me directly to successfully helping many people in my current practice. of course yes, during my hardest times, I loved a good party and drank frequently. at one point I even wondered if I had a problem. I went to a few AA meetings and found that my best meeting was Alanon – the counterpart of AA. booze became irrelevant and as I focused on my goals I even forgot about it. either way, I was at the peak of my beginning emotional mountain of healing, and it just felt like it would take forever. I was still having night terrors, I would jump and drop things at the slightest sound, and the ptsd was off the charts. I experienced tremendous transference in a couple of my romantic relationships, and that was my greatest turning point…

I reached a point at which I never wanted to be the person who I was trained to feel I was. right before we reach this point, we can really go either way — and I totally see people when they do this! — we can stay where we are and lie to ourselves about our life, or we can start anew. starting anew is terrifying. it feels like it will never happen. we get maybe a few years into our “new” life, and we might wonder “what the heck have I done? I am never going to feel better — I would be better off just going back to my old life”…but we can’t. once we begin to wake up, and we make the conscious decision to TRY, we can not go back. I think perhaps this is why some people kill themselves. because it is easier. notice I did not say better, I said easier. and it’s true.

each year that passed as I began to wake up, I was confronted again with a dual reality: my programming, and who I could become. both realities were running in tandem and it was painful. all of my training was being ejected, and I was confronted with the “past” through the present like wildfire. I kept thinking I was doing something wrong. I kept feeling like the past and all of its dysfunction and abuse and chaos would never leave me, because I still didn’t FEEL different. I was doing all of this internal work, yet I still felt…the SAME.

as a year passed here and there, I did notice progress. but it wasn’t enough. then I had to learn something that I relied on as a child: faith. I had to re-learn faith. it was at that point that I learned to be PRESENT. this was a huge gift. because no matter how I was feeling, and how much I felt things would never change, I could at least carve out 5 minutes a day to be present. whoa! typically in those times of learning to be present in a new way, “good” things would follow. more bad people would leave my life (and you can be sure that yes, more bad ones came in! the Universe was not done teaching me), and I would move forward in life in some way — always on the inside, and then the outside would just match it. maybe it was a goal, maybe it was a better relationship or something.

but then I would again hit those moments when I would think: “I’ve been too damaged – nothing will ever change for me”. and this is what I want to address in this post, because those moments were hard. they felt real. I still have them sometimes, but I have changed far too many things in my inner hence outer world to long-term feel them or believe them. and here is what I want to say. the centimeter of thought that you shift or move around even just one particular belief in your life WILL change your life. and it will be like watching your hair grow. but it will start to change it. it will happen in your sleep. it will happen while you are laughing. it will happen while you are crying. it will happen when you are in yoga class or when you think you have hit a new “bottom”. but it will happen. your intention to change what is not yours, to escape the perils of your mind which are conditions that you were FORCED to live in just to survive, is everything. sometimes months pass like this and then we wake up and see a brand new chapter or world for ourselves. and sometimes years pass and we see this. usually it runs on aspects of change, such as “oh my God, I have a really healthy romantic partnership and it’s not an unconscious fantasy because I’ve done the work” — or, “I did it, I got that promotion because I believed in my value and I never thought this would happen” — or, “oh my gosh, I stopped shaking at work every time that person who reminds me of my abusive caretaker comes around!! progress!!”. and sometimes, this change runs in full circle change…

a few years ago, it occurred to me that I didn’t have to change just ASPECTS of my life — I could change my ENTIRE life. I could change all of my agreements. but how? at first, I thought about the years of work that I put in around old feelings (born from agreements I needed to survive upon) and changing them, in order to change PARTS of my life. it was an overwhelming amount of work, and sometimes years went by when it looked like nothing was happening, but then it DID. I knew how possible change is, especially by working with others who have been through unthinkable psychological torture. I knew how it all worked, beyond traditional psych and some of the cuckoo therapists who call themselves helpers (and from different vantage points, I’ve met many). and I decided that I would change my ENTIRE life. and I made a decision. I chose me, and then I waited…

each day that I woke up, or in the middle of the night, I noticed who I “was” because I had to be in order to survive, and the person I truly was/am all along. I began to notice again, that I had night tremors and around the clock panic that was buried SO deep, that it felt like part of me. when I began to see even more deeply what was already there, it was like turning on another set of lights for the first time. I made certain decisions to disconnect from abusive relationships and it changed my entire world. for the better, obviously. I leaped, and the net appeared each time I leaped. but I had to leap first. and this was hard, because there is no insurance on that net appearing. and I focused, every single day, just as I had in my past in “aspected” healing of myself, on refining that one thing that I wanted to heal from. many days felt like treading water, but I kept one thing alive: faith. what was my alternative? we all know — going…back. I will never go back to living that way.

I am here to say that since I began to “wake up” in my 20s, and really, age 18 feels like the first day I was born, I have had to learn to do everything differently and it is worth every effort. some of the most basic things that seem simple for everyone else are not for others of us. they are not supposed to be. we all have different handicaps depending upon where we have been. and I want to say that it is worth your effort, wherever you are. there is always a healthier, more aligned and more loving place to be. and as you struggle for days or months or years on end, I promise that if you do not stop — if you keep working toward who and what you intrinsically are — you will shake off what you are not. underneath what you are not, is your wildest dreams.

we are not rewarded for our fleeting efforts, rather we are rewarded for our intentions. intentions are life-long and can not be fleeting. if it is fleeting, then it is not an intention! it is a fake intention. it is a sham, and we are trying to con the Universe into giving us something. it doesn’t work that way. the Universe rewards hard work. it knows our true intention. and if there is one thing I have learned, it is that I will stick with my intentions until I die. as I do so, I wake up to a newer and better reality each day — even as things are falling apart. and that is the interesting part — things are falling apart constantly, as the direct result of my efforts. if I did not know better, I would be in an old mindset of simply agreeing to the fact that I was being overpowered by an abusive force because I deserved it. now I know that the explosions around me are there to protect me, to direct me, and to reward me for my efforts. rewards do not always look like rewards.

if you are challenged with something — an eating disorder, a drug problem, “depression”, etc — just like I was challenged with an incredible amount of psychological, physical and mental ptsd that manifested as non-stop anxiety and partial rescuer-syndrome, know this: you are not your feelings. if you chip away at your life, keep getting up every day, not expecting anything from the Universe but knowing it will come by the law of physics, you will see what I mean. keep in mind that the Universe has no sense of time and space, so often it will organize events around timing that feels unfair or bizarre to you. trust in it. it is not all about you or each of us as an individual, because we live on a planet with many other people. if I had come out of the “spiritual” closet in my early 20s as I briefly intended to do, it would have been the wrong time. for me, but for everyone else too. timing is a funny thing.

keep moving. surrender to the process. get up each day and just do your best. I promise that you are going to wake up another day, as I have, and feel that your life is a beautiful dream that you only once fantasized about (even while shit is hitting the fan, because I can promise you that part will never stop! the way you feel about it, will though). each day that I chip away at my overall process as I referred to above, old realities fall away and I move into the realm of what is truly possible — the things I dreamt about as a child. related mostly to the work I do now. but there is so much more than where it tangibly stands at this moment in time…and that “so much more” is starting to flood in, in the most remarkable and exciting ways. and this is in a direct and opposing 180 degree turn from my former reality. the only constant that I maintained in order to get here today is faith. faith is the glue from one reality to the next.

When did you understand “spiritual awakening”? a clip from the HE Movement montage

they are all my favorite clips, and this is one of them

“you can’t go back to life the same way”

The Healing Elaine® Movement

there is nothing spiritual about being poor

photo by Jennifer Santaniello

I used to sort of think that there was — never in the sense that I resented anyone for their wealth/abundance, and I mean not ever. I never coveted or envied. for some reason. some of my friends did. whatever messages they received about wealth or abundance growing up caused them to side-eye anyone whom they perceived represented something that they could never “be” or have. but the way in which I sort of thought that there was something more spiritual about being poor was feeling the absence of my own entitlement to having things…anything that made me happy or comfortable, really. my challenge was on an emotional level. some folks’ challenge is literally on a physical level that resides in an empty core full of lack mentality. my mentality was not so much lack, but rather “if I am to have, then it is not fair to others”. I had, as my therapist calls it, pathological guilt as well as pathological gratitude. I won’t bother with the spores and particulars of such here, you can read about that in other blog posts.

my pathological guilt was the main culprit most of my life and with the help of certain ptsd issues around money and resources to really light it on fire, I ended up being terrified to have anything at all. as much as this was born from both emotional and ptsd roots, it had physical legs. I was actually afraid that if I ever had or saved money, that it will be stolen in the middle of the night and my bank accounts would disappear. this is an actual fear that I had, as an adult. rooted in fascinating early reality. though my psychological connection to the roots would come much later in life. as my personal issues around experience and personal messaging swirled around me, I became logistically hopeful for a new reality as well as a bright future in which I could pay my rent and eat and actually travel or buy things (regardless of what job I had or did not have)…but emotionally and unconsciously, I was still super committed to another truth…(I will also note that this is/was separate from but often in tandem with the dark nights of the soul I went through, which were periods of time that literally chained me to my immediate surroundings, often unable to do or prevented from doing things, as I processed a number of…processes, lol!).

“I am more spiritual because I am poor” — now, I didn’t consciously believe this. some people ACTUALLY consciously believe this. and it’s total shit. but my unconscious belief was total shit as well, regardless of how it manifested for me. my conscious and unconscious minds were at a constant impasse and battle over whether I deserved anything. I “knew” I did, but I didn’t “know” I did. I could not seem to cross that bridge as my unconscious mind played all kinds of tricks on me via…MY EMOTIONS…

for example. when riding public transpo, I would see many people who struggle and will always struggle. in those moments, my pathological guilt and gratitude toward the Universe and world around me would kick in and my mind would translate that into “if they can’t have, then why can you? no – this is not right, you must live as your fellow wo/man or commoner!”. I had a hard time connecting to theories of relativity as it related to WHY person A would be afforded xyz, and person B would not be. it took years to overcome this, mostly as I battled different personal voices consciously and unconsciously. and during the time I spent overcoming this, I began to understand that: THERE IS NOTHING SPIRITUAL ABOUT BEING POOR…

as I volunteered with non profits and worked with many people who were underprivileged or under-served by the human race in some way, it actually put into perspective the fact that I was not only NOT helping others by resisting what could be available to me in the world, but I was sending a message to them that they are not entitled to their own abundance, whatever relative particulars that reality may hold. I started to think about the fact that I was not taking anything from anyone else simply by living in my own potential, but that I might be taking something from those who looked at me as some kind of an example or reality to aspire to. if we do not allow ourselves to full bloom, where is the inspiration for others who live in contrast with us, and vice versa?

we are all inspired on a daily basis, whether we recognize it or not. we might be inspired by talent, actual wealth/prosperity, or those who have nothing and live like they have everything. we are humans therefore we have contrast — “good” and “bad” around us at all times. living or not living in full potential is a personal choice and it affects not only us, but others who are seeking permission. we are all seeking permission by the way. because we all want to be liked. whether we say that we do or we say that we do not. I wanted permission back when I rode the bus and saw sick, depressed and handicapped people and decided that because of their existence on our planet, I did not deserve anything above the super basics — because I already felt so blessed to not have their challenges!

I recall attending some “spiritual” workshop one day many years ago. as usual I couldn’t understand where all of the “normal” people were? (this divide will soon bridge….). you know, the people who go out into the world, work an actual 9-5, have a healthy partnership and raise kids like status quo America and don’t have a “spiritual” vocabulary. however this one time at this one event, the host was…normal. and, wealthy. I was used to being around super poor super “smart” people at these wacky but honestly informative events. and I tried to draw the correlation between the way that they lived (either in abundance or not) and the agreements in their minds and hearts. I was still figuring out my own. one of my agreements beyond deserving anything was “I have seen all of this before and it does not buy happiness so I will shun this world for myself”. of course this was an unconscious agreement. but it was one of many. and at the same time, I was really trying to reconcile that agreement into a healthy place of perspective because I was always in so much pain logistically (never having what I needed). I noticed at the event I speak of above, the normal and wealthy person who was there could not help where they came from, and perhaps they would serve as an example that people can be super wealthy and….spiritual? this person was an anomaly and they struck a cord within me.

many of the messages that I had received, and I think many of us received, is that there is humility in being poor (in whichever capacity — money, personal life, or otherwise!). that those who have a lot are “this way” or “that way” and not in a good way. or that “you can’t have it all!”. we have either experienced abundance as young people in a way that dictates the above messages (and unfortunately, sometimes “abundance” comes at a cost! for example if we come from wealthy families who are abusive and manipulative with money), or we have simply been influenced by society and politics and media that dictates the above messages or we interpret dictation of the above message. and the message is wrong.

the first part about abundance or money and spirituality is this; many people use the excuse of being poor because they are spiritual when they are in fact simply lazy. period. the second part about abundance or money and spirituality is this; many people use the excuse of being poor because they are spiritual when they are in fact at a true disconnect psychologically between their conscious mind and their unconscious mind. period. I can’t think of any other categories of people’s issues with spirituality and money that won’t line up under one of the above categories. I used to be part of the second category. I made this distinction in the beginning of this post as well.

when we finally begin to understand that there is nothing spiritual about being poor, and that excuses are simply self-serving, we also begin to understand that we get what we pay for. it has never ceased to amaze me that 100/100 times, those who do not even mention or question my fees have the BEST outcomes — and this is irrelevant and I mean absolutely irrelevant to their resources. imagine a multi-millionaire who can’t stomach hundreds per hour, yet the kid who lives in the projects and is footing bills that they deem important with their student loan money? yes imagine. I’ve seen it. witnessed it. experienced it. and it is a MENTALITY. either lack mentality, or a mentality of abundance. and the numbers that appear in their bank account are irrelevant to it. the lack mentality is a lifer mentality and I am allergic to it. I won’t work with people who have it anymore. I just won’t. it’s a cancer. and I’m not saying that I only work with people who have resources because that is not true. I still see a woman from many many moons ago who pays me 150 for two hours of work together, because this is the right thing to do for that relationship (and no I can’t do it all of the time or I would never continue growing). but the lack mentality is really nothing more than an energy. personally, I won’t take discounts. someone I hired months ago to do some work for me recently offered me a “friends and family” discount and I didn’t want it. because it wasn’t clean. because that’s not their fee, and then things become unbalanced. plus I ENJOY paying for value. it’s why I have a sub par apartment but stay in luxury spaces and usually over-tip. because I live in an abundant flow in the experience realm. it’s actually all we have anyhow, experiences. it’s all we take with us. I try to be open-minded but I don’t understand how anyone can expect true abundance in the world and then expect to successfully nickel and dime and discount their way into “important experiences”. the two things don’t go together.

no matter how broke I was — and I was ALWAYS broke — I would take the time to pay for an experience. to flood me with the feeling of abundance and escape lack mentality that many of my bitter artist friends had. I would take the only $20 that I had for an entire week (while missing rent) to buy the nicest Cabernet on the menu at the nearby luxury hotel. because I knew that one day, I could match the vibration I desired. I would sit in that experience and feel/write down all of my beliefs around money, wealth, and…abundance. because at the end of the day, it is not even about dollar signs but it is about having the FREEDOM to do xyz with ease and do xyz in a state of ease due to our surroundings or the person contributing to our experience. understanding this connection helped me tremendously, and I was also able to understand my disconnect around money and self-worth. I was able to understand that for me, for Aryn Elaine, I need to be able to do xyz in order to be at my best to do my WORK. and my work, my ways, my everything, is not someone or everyone else’s. when I made this connection I was able to let go and un-tether myself from the limiting experiences that others have. I didn’t need to live there anymore just because they did.

back to the person who hosted the spiritual event who was “normal”…this person left a lasting impression upon me. that it wasn’t evil to have money. that you can have your shit together mentally and emotionally and not be unhinged, and be spiritual. and rich. and it wasn’t a sin or selfish. I knew that to be true for others, just not for myself, up until that time and even for a time after that. just by existing and hosting us in their incredibly beautiful space and driving us in their fancy car I was able to let go of some of my preconceived notions about wealth and spirituality. this might sound sort of stupid, as I’m not sure I am articulating the experience very well here. at any rate I really began to understand that the blend between “spiritual” and “abundance” was mixing and that one day the world would be able to jointly embrace the two notions.

for example. I work with mostly quantitative people. some of them are millionaires or billionaires. and I have noticed them having the same beliefs!: that they are not spiritual, because they are wealthy. they have misdefined the definition of what “spiritual” is, and it has certainly been misdefined for them. sometimes this is a religious teachings result. sometimes it is many other things. and I have worked with them to show them that their platforms are actually crucial to bridging the gap between money and spirituality™…and they can do it…

I write this today because we can all stand to learn from our lack mentality. I had it and I explain how and why here. I feel that the most malignant form of lack mentality is wanting xyz but refusing to pay for it when it is an option. I see it a lot in others, and at the same time they want or expect their “life’s purpose and health and wealth” to flow — and it won’t flow when you are afraid to recycle energy into the Universe because you feel you have nothing within yourself to give and so money is your only tool. good luck with that one! and as I said, I am allergic to this mentality — and I will say it again that the mentality has NOTHING to do with the logistics or particulars

I would also like to point out the following…if you are an artist, healer or otherwise relatively unboxed professional but you are indeed a professional, run from anyone who tries to bargain with you. you do not want the exchange that they are making. I’ve done this before and it has usually not been worth it. in fact, when I finally learned just how not worth it this was to do, I turned down tons of money. and then I attracted way more of it. there is a big difference between someone who truly can not do xyz logistically at this time, and they still have an attitude of abundance (I have been this person) that you can feel and it is supportive still to what each of you wants to accomplish — and someone who can or can not do xyz logistically at this time, and they have an attitude of lack or measurement around it. just the attitude alone is a toxic energy. if you feel this, do not bargain with it ever. it will cost you more than you can imagine. there are plenty of fish in the sea to line up with one another (lack attracts lack), logistics or not, and lining up with someone who thinks (consciously or unconsciously, and you will spot it) “it is spiritual to be poor” (anyone who does not live in abundance internally is one of these people) will cost you because of their ENERGY. “rich” or “poor”.

the personal breakthroughs that I’ve had in the past few years around understanding my value have come through my actual sessions (in which it has been the PATIENT each time who has encouraged me to raise my rates) as well as therapy with my own therapist and it has been quite the journey to have permission. I feel liberated from my own self-judgements and pathological guilt and gratitude, as well as those of OTHERS who have approached me with an energy of pure lack. I almost never attract those people anymore. and I will say it again: THIS IS AN ENERGY. I’ve worked with people in the projects who you would never know came from there, and they found a way to get what they needed from the Universe and from our work together. eventually, energy turns into tangible, one fine day…and we are ALL deserving of a positive outcome when we do the work. during my personal breakthrough journey I reached a place in which I saw the ultimate value of ME. of my work. I knew I could do things that no one else could do, and that is why many people were seeking me out. the “evidence” of my value and the inner work I was doing finally all came together and I began to protect my work and time (ENERGY!) as I would a tiny baby. and I started the journey of never feeling guilt again over my worth. I realize we don’t walk into Stella McCartney and ask why the prices aren’t matched to Walmart. everything has its energy. and we are entitled to whatever that personal energy is. nevermind what the world around us is doing.

there is nothing spiritual about being poor. how are we to help those who need it, if we hold ourselves in suspension and excuses? one of my greatest desires is to give back in ways that no one has ever done. not because no one has ever done them. but because I receive joy from imagining the ways that people could become inspired or benefit that they have never experienced or seen before. I live for the things that can change lives that have never been done before. I have been in and continue to have many conversations with innovators around this subject – blending resources with spirituality and rerouting all kinds of logistical and industry flows. and one day it will culminate. when we are full we are resourceful to ourselves and others. when we become a source of INSPIRATION or a resource to others, we are living in connection with the divine — we are in our active spirituality. in order to do this we must rise up to our best self, and access the inner and outer world gifts available to us. it is in doing this that we access our abundance. and the cycle is available to those around us to repeat…

if you are logistically poor and think that there is something spiritual about it, think again. if you are a trust fund kid who tries to hide it (have met too many of these gems to count, with lack mentality and entitlement to boot, lol!!) because you think there is something spiritual about being poor, think again. and if you are a 7 or 8 dollar-figure person of logistical wealth and you think you do not have a place in the spiritual world (I didn’t say religious), think again.

it is my hope that by 2020 we have some new and incredible examples of humans who truly embody both spirit and prosperity — of all kinds.

destination luxury WORKSHOP! 2018

above: in my special spot, with amazing people

ok, this is it. last night and earlier today I was chatting with my new/old friend and collaborator for my destination SLS in Santorini. she is the hotel director, and a kindred soul. as she suggested I take one of my workshops to this extremely special location (you can read about it here), I needed a night to sleep on it to “see” it. I decided that this will happen. I can not think of a more fun way to spend a workshop with a small group of people for an entire week than in my special spot.

this workshop will run at the same rate as my single sessions, which ended up being modified luxury sessions encompassing a single day with unlimited correspondence for a fiscal week. the focus will be tailored to the group as well as each individual, and there will be freedom to spend as much or as little time as one would like with me/us during this week. main themes as usual are: life’s purpose, LETTING GO, wanting something we (think we) can’t have. while this is not a fertility workshop, I invite anyone facing fertility issues to attend — the main spores of underlying consciousness are the SAME whether we are dealing with an illness, a medical issue, or anything else in this life. it is all the same…believe it or not. this workshop is open to anyone who wants to change anything about their life. it is also open to anyone who has no idea why they would want to come, but something is telling them to come. age and occupation are irrelevant.

the structure will form itself, as it does in each of my workshops. our time together will loosely encompass a 12noon-8pm schedule, with some playing room. anyone who has taken a session or previous workshop with me knows that the red tape goes out of the window and we do what we need to do to get things done. there will be one on one time available during this workshop. there are treatment tables in this space and everyone will receive one attunement at some point during the week.

pre reqs are listed in the about section of my website and can be completed prior to attending the workshop. Anita (who can be seen in a testimonial video) will be returning all calls for this workshop. though this is not a medical retreat and I am not a doctor, I will be applying HIPAA – esque policy and everyone in or near the workshop will sign a non disclosure so that everyone is as free and comfortable as they can be to speak and feel freely (including me!). also the hotel staff, top to bottom, understands my work very well. they will be able to hold supportive space for us also. and privacy is a key feature at this location.

I hope you will have some time to read my recent posts about this location at some point, as the visceral reaction I had to this location is truly one for the books — and this is why I have chosen to return in more than one capacity.

my first experience/the first time I consciously felt kundalini energy

photo by Jennifer Santaniello

once upon a time, I was immediately post-college and post massive awakening — huge ego death, my life had crumbled around me in every way possible, and I truly entered my first CONSCIOUS dark night of the soul (you can read about it here in my eBooklet 1). I had moved back to the Northeast where I was raised, and I was trying to stabilize my life — i.e. get a good/boring job, find a place to live and pay my rent, and daydream about my next steps.

before I had moved back to the Northeast, and during my period of substantial change and chaos, I often ventured out on the town (alone). I loved being alone! (still do). I never knew what the night might hold in terms of who I would meet, or what energy I would feel in xyz space. I would turn on music, pre-party alone, and head out in one of my wild outfits (during this time I also wore a lot of fake hair — a LOT of it) that made me feel like a character in a marvel movie. one night I went to this particular spot that was the spot of the moment. it was always filled with well-known actors, musicians and athletes, and I loved peering in on their world. I didn’t want to be part of it (because I knew what it entailed and either it wasn’t for me, or it wasn’t my “time”), but I did like being around it. I liked being invited places with those people because I found them super interesting and my energy felt safe with other “weirdos” who had somehow “made it”. at this one spot as I refer to above, a man approached me. usually I kept to myself, danced alone in a corner, and just enjoyed observing. on this particular night, I spoke with this very well-mannered, well-dressed man. actually, he was too well-dressed. I almost felt like a peasant around him, lol. he also smelled VERY good. to this day I do not know what flavor of cologne he sported. everything about him was special, worldly, and…intense. he was a laid back guy, had traveled the world, owned hotels in various spots, C-suited/worked in like 3 different industries which were totally unrelated, and rubbed elbows with really incredible people. I kept wanting to understand how he got to where he was, as he was the truest unicorn I had ever met. he was older than me, maybe 15-20 years. I was about 23 or so at the time. while I found him attractive and all of the above, I was not attracted to him. I also found him to be old, lol. in my early 20s I thought that 30+ was dinosaur territory, and I also thought that there was something possibly wrong with anyone who was single over 30. again, lol. anyhow, my new friend made it clear that he had traveled the world and never met an energy like mine before. he was interested. and so at the time, and perhaps for years after that, I just thought that compliment about my energy and being was a come-on. but his words/compliment would resonate super loudly later on…

after a series of explosive bombs and warfare ignited in my internal and external worlds, a couple of years had passed and we were still in touch. he had a to-die-for apartment spanning the penthouse of a wall street building, and he invited me for a night out on the town. I had always felt safe with him despite his interest in me, because he never once made me feel uncomfortable. he took care of me like an older brother would. I did not realize, at the time, how potentially rare it was for a grown man to spend time with a female he was interested in, and ask nothing of her other than platonic friendship. at any rate, we went out for my first night on the NYC town in years. we went to all of the “see and be seen” spots, and back then before social media destroyed the social night life, this was a really great scene. it attracted energy based on actual attraction, not promotion. there was a vibe, in certain places, that can’t be artificially created. as we ordered our first drinks — vodka cranberry — we took a sip and went to the dance floor. within moments he began talking to someone and I began to feel something I’d never felt before. my entire body began to flood with light. I don’t know how else to describe it. I had never taken a party drug before, and certainly never encountered anything that had made me feel that good, and the only thing I could compare this feeling to was being on a ton of pain killers post surgery. but it was beyond even that. as I stood with my drink, feeling this pure ecstasy, I immediately got nervous that I had been slipped a drug. which was nearly impossible. my friend was a health nut, didn’t believe in drugs, and woke up every day at 5am to do yoga at sunrise. I put my drink down and kept feeling my body. I felt so good that I was afraid. it contradicted almost everything I had ever felt in my life, up until that point. I looked around the room again for anyone who might have been the culprit of this intense high I was feeling out of nowhere. I could not pinpoint it, and I almost wanted it to stop because I had no control over knowing the source or the reason for this feeling. at some point the feeling passed, I mentioned it to my friend, and we went back to his incredible penthouse. he let me know that he doesn’t invite people over, not even close friends, because he didn’t want their “energy” in his space. again, I thought he was just trying to compliment me. I went to sleep in his guest room, and I recall feeling just very good and safe. I woke up at 530am to use the bathroom and I saw him doing yoga through his bedroom door. then I went home and forgot all about the experience I had that night.

a couple of years later, I was still forging my path of difficulty and working many different jobs. my interests were so varied and I was concerned that I would never amount to anything on paper because I was pulled in so many different directions. after working in finance and corporate trade and barter, and then advertising, I jumped ship to be my own boss. one of my next “jobs” was photo-doubling on a TV show. I had some direction, but it was all foreign territory and most people around me didn’t understand what I was doing or why. one day on set, my body began to buzz again. loud. I immediately flashed back to the experience that I had with my older man friend that night, in the nightclub. I thought well, ok, definitely no one has slipped me any kind of mind or body altering substance, and I remember this feeling. as I sat on breaks on set that day, I began googling like a maniac. I came across kundalini rising. BAM. things started to make sense…I consciously understood what was brewing inside of me.

I looked back at the time that I met this special man. I recalled his overwhelming resonance with my energy field. I recalled being at my rock bottom in all ways in life, feeling like a complete mess, but recognizing that people still wanted to be around me….??? I thought about how during that phase of destruction, there was a new energy birthing inside of me. I couldn’t recognize it at the time, but others sure did…I realized that this first period of tremendous difficulty in my life was maybe somehow connected to this…kundalini thing I was reading about!? but what was it? I connected the first set of dots and realized that my chakras were experiencing a cleansing during the time that I met my friend. they continued, during my years of difficulty, to clear. and when we reconnected a couple of years later, I was able to “meet” the energy that he had recognized in me, but that I could not yet see in myself. I HAD to call him from the TV set that day…

my eyes began to well up as I understood the fact that he “saw” me. I realized that it was more than a physical or intellectual attraction to/from him. and I realized that the power of his being intimidated me, though I loved being around it. as I reached out to him that day on set, I told him “my entire body is buzzing — I think I am experiencing a kundalini awakening/rising, do you know what that is?” we had never spoken about kundalini or many such words that the average person doesn’t throw around in their vocabulary. he said to me “this is the energy that we have been sharing since the day that we met”. even writing this makes my eyes well up with tears. this was the first “real” connection that I had with another human being, and I was so young. I had nothing to compare it to. he was there to prompt some of my own energy that no one else could prompt. this is real, by the way. we all have meridian lines that only certain people can help us ignite. we are equal in rights not in energy. know this!!!

looking back at this period of my life, I feel great affection for it. I had not realized at the time, how special this man was in my life. he also seemed “too good”, if that makes sense. I never thought I could measure up to his class, his achievements, his worldly knowing, etc. I would not say that I felt inadequate, but perhaps just rather in awe. and as I recall our encounters I shudder in the resonance that he “saw” me the whole time. even when I did not see myself. and if he had explained what that truly was at the time, I would not have understood it anyhow. he knew and understood things that I did not, during that time. and he let me be. because he didn’t see me, he saw…ME. my first experience with kundalini involved being seen. SEEN.

our processes are always met with the right people and the right energies, at the right time. someone may be assisting us in ways that we will not understand until much later in life. knowing how divinely ordered this seems to have been in my life brings me tremendous peace. even on my worst days. understanding the chaos as well as the bliss brings me tears of joy and gratitude.

kundalini energy is something that we share with a certain soul group. this is my belief, I have not read that belief anywhere else (yet). and again it is because we are each so different in our energetic make-up. sometimes we “stumble” upon one of its group members during a strange time in our life. I have concluded that it is usually during a chaotic time. and the person we will stumble upon will have already passed through the eye of the needle. and in doing so, when the two energies connect, the seasoned energy can hold space for the person who has no idea what is about to hit them/their life. it’s fucking beautiful.


Healing Elaine® destination super luxury sessions 2018 in Greece

this summer season, through the first week of October, I will be offering my first-time destination super luxury sessions in Santorini, Greece.

I have already posted about how and why it has taken so long to find the perfect location, and the perfect people to do this with. finding the *right* people is not easy. most people have agendas. most businesses have agendas. these people and this location has one agenda: love. truly. as I’ve described my way of working with people in the past, I do not see people just to “work”. if I had done that, my entire vibe and business would be so different. I have put myself in risky positions, logistically, just to listen to my heart. over and over and over again. the space that I have chosen (or rather it and the people in it has/have chosen me!) is yes business, but love first. we match. this is a true anomaly and a long-time coming.

these sessions will last one week in the most exotic and source-energy focused space you will ever encounter. we will be situated in the middle of a historic volcano, and what now remains of it. the work is already outlined many times in my blog. I don’t write about trade secrets and logistical agenda, and each session is tailor-made per person. it’s impossible to anticipate in advance. this is a super luxury destination, so for some folks it will be their entire year of planning for just one important week of their life; and for others, it will be as simple as booking a trip to the shopping center. in either case, what will be required is surrender and work, all the same, on a soul level. there will be very few of these that I am able to do, both energetically and logistically. the hotel itself is a dream, and I will let it be known that both the owner and hotel director very well understand and support my work. receiving this presence of understanding and support is the only way I can greenlight a location in which to do my work — it is energetically crucial to the experience as all people and things are interconnected whether we like it or not. in this case, we will like it!

if you are serious about booking the above, leave a message on the business line 646 470 1178. if you are already aware of the hotel because you have landed upon this page only as a byproduct of speaking with my support system at the hotel, please also feel free to coordinate through the venue. otherwise, for privacy purposes I am not listing the name of the hotel, just the same as with my NYC sessions.

as people become more comfortable with the concept of “healing” — and by that I mean legitimate healing with actual testimonials from real world people (more to come) –, they will also begin to open to the notion of energy as it translates to physical spaces. this is a project that I began working on last year. once again it is full of trade secrets, and so it may seem cryptic or ambiguous to others, but the bottom line is that the tangible results will deliver undeniable awareness. it is my goal to make people comfortable with the unseen so that they may live better lives. Rome was not built in a day but my ambition to tie all of these concepts together is something I have been working toward my entire life and more specifically the past decade. and like Gladwell’s Outliers book, the time has gestated tangible forms.

I am most excited to continue collaborating with many special people in my life. no one in it wants to take, but rather to inspire, collaborate, and see other people excited and happy. this is more than I could ever ask for, as most humans operate on such a strings-attached psychological basis. I will have none of that. and yet we will still get the “job” done!